when i was 12-15 i had a fire in me to live but years went by and i became an adult and it messes up with my sense of dignity and humanity in a very harsh way and i can the urge to just break and obey my situation so if anybody could leave me a message telling me to not do it i would appreciate it…
Maybe try leaving for a couple days or just leave as far as you can in a day (and come back) and see if you can work your way up getting farther and farther away for longer periods of time.