Marked as NSFW due to the content.
Suicide is complicated. I do not count myself as suicidal nor do I have any plans but I have had daily suicidal thoughts for the past year and some change. Over and over in the back of my head I think about it. To someone who never had frequent thoughts this would be a red flag but I disagree. I haven’t told a therapist(again) because it’s useless, and I dont want to go back on antidepressants because it’ll just make me good for working, which is the point I want to make.
Suicide prevention is so meaningless without a systematic solution. A hotline can be useful in some temporary cases but it will not help somebody with permanent problems nor does it help in anything material.
hotline: " I want to end it all" “No don’t do it you have a lot to live for” “Oh okay”
Talking to friends who don’t get suicidal thoughts might as well be the same as talking to a stranger who hands you the hotline.
Saying the wrong words to a therapist will get you put on a hold, which will not help you as you’re cutoff from being an autonomous person, plus you get thrown right back into whatever BS that got you in there in the first place.
So, what is to be done?
There needs to be something better for preventing suicide for people who are tired of hotlines. Being told there’s so much left to live for is tone deaf. I think suicidal thoughts are unmet contradiction, some underlying issue that cannot be solved under capitalism: child under abusive parental control, extreme loneliness or alienation, unfulfillng career in a declining job market, unmet mental health needs due to inaccessible Healthcare (and useless hotlines), etc.
We need to do better for the disabled and those facing mental health crises. Pop psychology gave us all the terminology with none of the follow through because all signs point back to capitalism and we have to dance around the truth to pretend it’s something else. I hope we can see some improvement in my lifetime
I did a circuit of ketamine assisted psychotherapy earlier this year. While it didn’t zap away my depression or suicidal ideation, it (along with the help of the very compassionate practitioner) helped me come to terms with myself enough to crack my egg. Easily the most helpful treatment I’ve had to date. I hope it goes well for you.
My main hope is that it will be more resistant against seasonal fluctuations and will help reduce chronic pain/inflammation in conjunction with tirzepatide which I also just started.
Had to spend legitimately over a year fighting with OHIP to get both of these covered.