My in-laws are visiting for a week at the end of next month and they like to visit until late in the evening. However, I typically go to bed at 7 PM because I have to get up at 4 AM to train for my sport before work. I’ll have just finished a competition and will be beginning training for another one when they’re here.
What’s the best way to set boundaries with them without coming across as an asshole? My wife will probably want to stay out later while they’re here, so I’ll have to figure out a way to compromise.
To make it more interesting, what are some things your in-laws do that annoy you when they visit?
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I would tell my significant other: hey, I love your parents I’m so excited to see them. We’re going to need to take separate cars though because I have training in the morning but I don’t want to tear you away from your family just because of me. Let’s plan the activities early enough so I can join but you guys can still go have fun and go out after I go to bed.
Then leave it open for discussion. Maybe she only wants to take one car and her parents will bring her back, maybe one of the several nights there’s something later she really wants you to be apart of so maybe you can be tired for just one day. But don’t leave it as an “I’m gonna do this thing” leave it as a discussion.
Yes, I agree with this. He needs to have a discussion with his wife about it and agree to a compromise whether that is he has to adjust his schedule for a day or tough it out with a little less sleep. The asshole move here would be to be unwilling to adjust at all to accommodate his wife and guests.
The second ass hole move is going with everything she wants then being resentful. Talking it out is the only correct move.
My wife has a big family and her mother is an angel but crazy. The first 8 years we were together I found it really tough because they were always there. Then after doing some soul searching I came to understand that’s just the way it is. I am routinely in peace in total chaos.
I have to be up early so I’ll have to duck out around 6, but I can head back on my own so [wife’s name] can stay out later.
Obviously clear it with [wife’s name], in case she wants to use you going to bed early as an excuse for getting some alone time.
By telling them the truth?
Man I have the in-laws from hell so I know what you’re dealing with. Same problem, when they visit it’s like non-stop activities and I don’t want to spend the whole time with them. They’re like supercharged tourists.
Fortunately my wife feels the same way and doesn’t force me to participate in every activity. But if I didn’t participate in some then like you say, I’d look like an asshole. My wife does what she can to give me space so it’s tolerable. I do dread when they come to visit though. It’s the polar opposite with my own relatives, we can lounge around and talk for hours in a relaxed way, it’s very easy going.
I rely on my wife to provide some insulation, maybe that’s something you could ask of your wife. If my wife didn’t do that for me I don’t know if I could tolerate the in-laws coming to camp out for several days at a time.
Brother, my in-laws are living with me right now and I just wanted to say I feel your pain
They’re cool people outside of their religious beliefs and conservatism, I just don’t like being out late lol.
