I was homeschooled previously with a small group of other children and we fart in class all the time.
Now I’m in public school for high school and no one is farting. I was very sheltered and public school is like a whole new world for me, so I don’t know what the norms are. I’ve been holding it in but my stomach hurts and it leaks out anyway.
I don’t understand how there are so many more people in high school and yet zero farts…
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Go to the bathroom between passing periods and let one out.
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Improve your diet, don’t drink carbonated drinks.
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I can’t believe I’m having this interaction on Lemmy
Figure out if you are lactose intolerant and don’t have any milk or dairy products before going to school or during the day … have the cheese at the end of the school day.
Exercise and walk lots … not intensive just keep moving. The digestive system works better when the body is moving … the muscle movement especially your abdomen literally pumps and drives the digestive system.
The longer and more often you sit still, the more likely all that content will just sit and take longer to pass. The longer it sits, the more likely you’ll build up gas, more gas, more farting.
Or, figure out if you are lactose intolerant. And if you are? Fill yourself up with dairy and be a true menace.
Just don’t shit yourself. Otherwise, you’re just the weird guy who shits himself.
I didn’t know I was lactose intolerant for a long time. I used to have a carton of milk at morning break every day and release absolutely rancid SBDs afterward. One day was particularly impressive - the guy I had a crush on proclaimed it was so bad that if it had been his he would have named it.
“I CaNt BeLiEVe i’M HaVinG…” Jesus Christ, stop being so stilted.
What an asshole.
Agreed.
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yeah, you dont know how to act in public. youll pick it up fast.
no farting.
So everyone’s able to hold it in? Where do they fart?
Either they hold it in, they fart silently, they go to the toilet, they do it where there’s not a lot of ppl and try to hide it, etc.
Feels very relevant lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8yhBLOAprQ
You discreetly carpet bomb the hallway between classes like a gentleman. If the smell catches up, then look around non chalantly to pretend your looking to see who farted.
Depending on the chair and how you position your butt cheeks, you can sometimes sneak out a fart silently.
The sound is not the issue. I haven’t smelled anyone farting.
only homeschooled kids farts smell. sorry.
Do you think they everybody’s flatulence smells bad or even noticeable all the time? This is not the case.
If yours is particularly bad and common enough that you’re finding it to be an issue, you may need to address your diet, and perhaps check to see if you’re lactose intolerant too, just to be on the safe side.
Ok, thank you.
Yup, 90% of mine dont smell since it’s just air I swallowed because of my cpap.
Air that passes through your gut picks up odors
If they smell that means you need to shit. Or you have a diet brewing that all up.
If your farts smell, it means they came from inside your butt.
If your farts don’t smell, it means your sense of smell sucks and you’re in denial.
Between classes, masking it with other noises, lifting a leg to prevent any telltale sound.
There’s lots of strategies. You delay as much as you can but when you got to vent you got a vent and take the humiliation
Like other people said in this thread, check your diet. Make sure to eat plenty of fiber, and reduce gas-inducing food you eat. People who constipated usually fart a lot more. Also, if you have to fart, don’t do it in a room full of people. Do it outside or in the bathroom.
Fuck that. I’m not holding it.
You let it out slowly and carefully. If you get found out, well…you’ll feel the shame. Also, you don’t want to let out so much that other people can pinpoint you as the culprit. “Whoever smelt it, delt it” as the saying goes…so be sure someone else says something about smelling it first before you react in kind…but not too eagerly.
Try letting it out quietly then move away from the area.
You pick up tricks. Mainly farting while walking. If you get your foot placement and pivot properly you can send it out without much “pushing”. I don’t tend to try and push my farts, as I am old and I don’t trust them all.
You might be over thinking it. Everyone farts, but it’s seen as more acceptable to fart away from other people’s noses. You don’t really wanna smell someone else’s gas, do you?
I don’t tend to try and push my farts, as I am old and I don’t trust them all.
LMAO skid marks
Normal people hold their farts, consolidating them as the day goes on so they can release a large one in front of their husband/wife at the dinner table and discuss the days eatings.
Y’know, like normal people.
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Learn to do it silently.
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Excuse yourself and go into a different room to let it out.
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Just wait until class is over and do it in the hallway, also silently.
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This is satire, right? I want to believe homeschooled kids are not as bad as they are often pictured
Having seen how some evangelical adults act (and eat) after being homeschooled, you could tell me this whole thread was 100% true and I’d believe it. I’m not saying it is, but combine social awkwardness with the hot garbage food fundie women post on Instagram, it’s feasible. Or, on the flipside, some of the more granola homeschool families I’ve seen would also be believable in this.
Homeschooled kids are bad because they fart?
it’s a common argument against homeschooling that kids who have no exposure to peers in a school setting end up with poor social skills. unless this post is satire, which I am like 99% sure it must be, this seems to be a case of that
edit: I’m in no way saying it’s the strongest or the most important argument against homeschooling
If you act towards everyone else how you act towards your siblings (or parents if you’re an only child) and they don’t take you to meet up and play often with other homeschooled kids, then yes you’re going to be weird.
It’s a very accurate stereotype. Have you ever seen an unsocialized dog around other dogs who have been properly socialized? And it takes so many more years to learn human socialization.
- Former homeschooled kid
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It’s a troll post. Nothing more.
Homeschool survivor here. It’s that bad.
Lemmy is officially Reddit’s little brother now.
How is babby formded
Am I preganate?
People said fuck spez over and over again and it becum pregenate
U put penos into vegene
Reddits little demon hellspawn
All that’s missing is a poop knife post (or was there one?)
It’s a myriad of issues.
- Farts are not considered to be socially acceptable, and thus one loses “social status” if one farts. So at an early age, you learn to hold it in. This has been going on since antiquity, as it is the source of the oldest humor seen via graffiti.
- You can get in trouble if you fart (I guess because of #1). I knew of a few times someone farted, and the teacher sent them out for punishment for “disrupting class.”
- People learn to fart silently, usually through experimentation and training to avoid item #1.
- People learn to fart silently, usually through experimentation and training to avoid item #1.
And then the blame game starts, like a game of hot potato of social standing.
“He who smelt it dealt it, and I am no blacksmith good sir”
But have you considered that he who denied it, in fact, supplied it?
“He who smelt it, dealt it”
But #3 would still smell bad and I haven’t smelled anyone farting.
A question no one has asked yet: how often are you farting and how smelly are we talking? Because there may be a diet change worth considering if you’re putting around like Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.
Pretty smelly. Once or twice per class I guess.
Bro either see a doctor or clean up your diet. That amount and frequency of smelly flatulence is not normal.
You may want to talk to your doctor. That frequency is not a common issue and there may be something going on with your diet or stomach. It’s not uncommon for people to go far longer than 1 highschool class without farting and most farts don’t smell. If all your farts smell that likely means somethings wrong with your diet or stomach.
You’re trolling right?
I genuinely thought this was a real post at first.
But the responses you’re having are just a little too cookie cutter…
Let’s say you are a real person and are having this problem. First, congrats on making it to a setting that exposes you to a large number of peers from all kinds of socioeconomic backgrounds.
No matter how much money I have in my life, I think I will insist on sending my kids to public school. That’s what I did for all my life and I turned out fine. Just being exposed to everyone else will really help in maturing and having broad life experiences.
Their strategy here! Fart into a deep cushion seat, which diffuses the smell over a longer period of time. Fart into a fan to maximize chaos and minimize accountability
Plus one for chaos option
One of my friends who is a school teacher says “no one can use my chair, it’s full of teacher farts,” to her students, to keep them out of her chair.
Yes but it’s much more difficult to determine the source of said fart so unless someone figures out who done it the social statuses remain unaffected
If you need to fart very often, you may need to change your diet. Look up food that causes gas and try to watch your body after you eat it to find out what makes you fart and what’s ok.
Everyone does, they’re just quiet about it.
Honestly, if you can’t hold your farts until you go to the bathroom without it hurting, you might need to get on a medication or something. It’s extremely rude to do that around other people. What would you do on an airplane?
My relative was a stewardess, and she said the ups and downs of many flights a day (domestic, multiple small flights) combined with airline food would give them all gas.
They had a maneuver they called “crop dusting “ whereby they would release their gases during nonchalant walks up and down the aisle.
This helped disperse the fumes rather than leaving them concentrated.
You call it disperse the fumes, I call it maximising the victims.
Best one to use after finishing your crop dust:
“Anyone else smell popcorn?”
Due to the lower air pressure inside of an airplane when af cruising altittude (comparable to the pressure at around 2500m of altitude, iirc) the gasses in the bowels expand, causing more discomfort. That’s why everyone gets more gassy in a plane, although I can imagine that airplane food and fucked up circadian rythms contribute as well.
Love the term crop dusting btw.
Fart.
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I’d turn the little vent on above my head and let her rip.
300 people and two to three lavatories which are only allowed to use during certain parts of the flight.
I’d be more than happy to use the bathroom if the bathroom was available.
Somewhat unrelated, but I do find it funny that farts aren’t considered acceptable, but sneezes and coughs are. Like, farts have an extra barrier in the form of your clothing (assuming you’re not at a nudist colony or bathhouse) and won’t make other people sick. I guess it’s just because they’re stinky.
I vote to normalize farting with an “excuse me”, and saying “bless you” to people when they fart.
Much easier to not fart than it is not to sneeze, and sneezes don’t smell like shit.
According to other people in this thread most people’s farts don’t smell…
That’s just not true.
Well i haven’t seen a study but i don’t feel like that’s wrong. A lot of people fart without it being smelly, little innocent ones.
Of course we remember the smelly, more numerous, ones that we got when having digestive problem or big number 2.
But i feel like the nice one are way more often, and happen to lots of people. There’s even some people that let huge ones without smell, that’s always funny.
My understanding is that little farts tend to be smellier than big farts because the big farts are often just swallowed air, but the little farts come from the gas released when the microbes in your gut digest something (which is also why certain foods like beans can make you really gassy because you can’t digest some of the fiber in them, but the bacteria can… also a similar situation with sugar alcohols (see the devil gummy bears)).
I didn’t think so either.
Ho ho ho, let me introduce you to my cry inducing military grade poison gas clouds then.
It’s much easier to suppress farting than the involuntary reflexes of coughing and sneezing.
Except while sneezing and coughing.
It’s evolutionary. Farts smell like shits. People and animal avoid shits (or anything emitting H2S) because it’s wired in their brain to do so.
I know, right! Sneezes even spread diseases and stuff, yet farts get a bad reputation
See, I vote to say “what the fuck was that?” Or “oh just shut the fuck up” when people sneeze in public.
You just need some practice farting quietly.
The sound is much less important than the smell.
if no one can hear you fart, no one knows who is responsible
no one knows who is responsible
That’s not correct. We all know that first to smell it, dealt it.
This is generally true except in the controversial case of “he who denied it supplied it” which set a new precedent for fart identification worldwide
Such is the jurisprudence, yes.
guilty dog barks first
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Yes they do. All body smells contain the personal note of the person. Someone with a skilled nose can identify you by any bodily odor.
The people sitting next to me would know.
well, you have to learn to employ different techniques like crop dusting
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=crop+dusting
“You smelled it you dealt it” kept everyone quite when I was in school so long as there is plausible deniability for the source.
Don’t start nutn, won’t be nutn
Sure thing Sloppy Diffuser, sure thing
Your homeschool diet has a lot to do with it.
What do you think a homeschool diet is like? I’m imagining high in veggies, low meat, maybe organic… Maybe lots of beans.
I was homeschooled until highschool as well. The best I can tell you is to do bathroom runs occasionally and fart it up in the bathroom. If it becomes a serious social concern then I would look into taking a couple beano pills with your breakfast.
Good luck, and godspeed 🫡 your first while in public school is gonna be hard and weird while you learn how to be normal, but all things (including gas) pass with time.
Pro tip that I didn’t learn until uncomfortably late: if a dude has a cool haircut, even if you really wanna feel his hair, do NOT ask to touch his hair unless he does that freshly shaved head thing where he asks people to feel how fuzzy it is. Trust me. Comparing your hair textures and feels is fine among siblings but classmates consider it to be deeply weird.
It sounds like you need a change of diet …
If holding in a fart makes your stomach hurt then you need to shit. It eventually hurts to hold your piss and shit in, but then we use the washroom instead of filling our pants. Same thing, imo.
Have a shit, stop farting all over the place.
Lol what? You can still need to fart but not be able to take a shit. Even so much that it hurts.
Thanks for the tip, I had no idea you should let OP know.
Have a shit, stop farting all over the place.
An idiom for life.
People in this thread: “You can’t fart in the real world, why would you in school?”
You are in school. Nothing you do socially matters. Me and the boys used to torque them stank rippers right out as loud as we could. Stink up the whole class and have a riot. Who cares? You’ll never see these bozos again. Enjoy being able to fart and laugh about it while you can.
Things you do in school don’t socially matter? That is quite the opposite of my experience lol
It is truly amazing how little high school drama will matter to you once you’ve graduated.
It’s also amazing how easy it is for some adults to judge/dismiss people who are going through one of the most difficult periods of their life. It’s like some adults forget that they were ever teenagers. I can understand adults wanting to block it out, but being a dick about it is a touch much.
True. I do think this is a little bigger than “high school drama.” You go around farting all over the school and you’re gonna be seen by your peers as pretty gross.
Doesn’t mean you won’t have better social standing later in life and enjoy that. But it will likely be because you learned to start doing things like farting discretely.
On a long enough timeline nothing socially matters because we’re all gonna die anyway.
I still see plenty of people I went to school with, and I’m 45 and live across the country. Maybe you don’t see anyone from school because they all remember you as the kid who stinks?
Turns out, it’s about the farts we made along the way
