No worries. Honestly , this is a pretty hard question to answer. I’ve always been NB, but for a long time I didn’t have the ‘words’ or ‘desire’ to acknowledge it. For me it is very much a combination of ‘feeling’ and ‘philosophy’ – It started as an acknowledgment that I was pretending a lot , mostly to try and fit into gendered social circles. For me I wasn’t pretending to be male or female , I was pretending to be either. Once I acknowledge that I was pretending to feel and like or not feel and not like specific things to fit into social structures I started to be more honest with myself and actually be open to who I am. It was and continues to be a Journey. Very similar to you I realized that I “can’t be bothered with [socially] constructed masculinity or the version of masculinity my family expected from me and started distancing myself.” At first I distanced toward Fem but that didn’t work for me either – it does for a lot of people , many of which are probably here and I am absolutely in love with the fact that it does work for them and inspired to continue figuring out my own truth. Eventually , I was really tired of not ‘knowing’ where I fit and just decided to not give a F*** and set everything aside and embrace my non-definable-self. This worked for me and was a literal weight off my shoulders. It just feels right for me. I call this NB. Others do it differently.

I feel bad going off topic to NB stuff in this thread/community meant to celebrate and unite TransFem ( I love my chosen family and community ) but also didn’t want to not respond to you given all of this stuff is hard and we all need support. Happy to answer more questions in Direct Messages if you want. Hope this is helpful : )