CW

Ever since I came out to my mom several years ago, she’s been supportive on and off, which I don’t really understand why she is just sometimes supportive.

When I first came out to her, she told me she was proud of me, and then minutes later she told me that I would be ugly and never find love. She’s never purposely misgendered or deadnamed me though. Although for a while after I came out she was mourning me and acting like I had died and it was really weird and creepy to me at least, but about 2 years after that she told me that she finally sees me as her daughter.

When I had asked her if I could get puberty blockers or estrogen she told me no, which I had asked her that many times. So I decided to save up and finally this year at 20 I got HRT, but then she suddenly decided that she wanted to pay for it and that made me a bit upset because if she was going to pay for it then I could have gotten earlier, but I still appreciate that she is paying for it.

I had asked her if I could get voice training lessons a few years ago she was very adamant about me not doing them. Recently I have decided to do voice training on my own and the other night she complemented my voice and then tonight she told me that I actually sound like an alien and that my masc voice is perfect. We were good for a while and I thought she was done with being unsupportive occasionally but I guess not. I don’t really know what I’m feeling rn, I guess disappointment and maybe sadness idk.

This what my voice sounds like rn if you were curious: https://on.soundcloud.com/hsR5W

This link isn’t working in some of my lemmy clients for some reason. If it’s not working for you you might have to paste it into Firefox.

  • Sombyr
    4•7 months ago

    As somebody with schizoaffective, which is similar to bipolar, I can definitely get those extremely rapid cycling mood swings over the course of just minutes. According to my psychiatrist, this is, in fact, a very common experience.
    The smaller mood swing’s magnitude is affected by the larger ones though. Like being in a depressive phase, if I snap aggressively, I’m more likely to follow that up by crying and apologizing after, whereas in a manic phase I’m more likely to abruptly completely ignore it minutes later and now act like you’re my best friend.
    I can’t speak for if that’s a normal thing in bipolar, but it’s definitely a thing in schizoaffective, and is dramatically more common when a major life event stresses me out.