I just imagined a world where for 10 years I told my child I loved them and then for them to within less than a year, stop responding and then actively shame you for doing so.
Fuck, I really wish my parents humanised themselves a bit more when I was younger. It took me far too long to rationalise that adults weren’t different from me.
Whenever I hear a single-sentence story about how a parent did nothing but love their child and the child decided to drop contact out of nowhere, I always wonder what context has been withheld.
The Missing Missing Reasons
This was a good read, thanks. I’ve known so many people who have separated from their parents, and every single one of them has a good reason. I’ve often wondered how the parents tell it from their side. I’m sure every single one of them was “loving” and “nurturing” by their own account, even the dad who couldn’t accept that his son was gay, or the parents who perpetually and deliberately misgendered their daughter. I’ve known so many such cases, and sadly some have ended in tragedy.
Me, I’ve had good parents, but I have a brother who’s an abusive asshole who I want nothing to do with, and occassionally I get the “he’s your brother, you’ve got to love him” schtick from third parties. No. I really don’t.
No one is obligated to stay connected with family who are hurtful, especially when it’s the parents who were the ones who chose to bring you into this world. It’s massively unfair for people to expect that we just tolerate, even love, abusive family.
I’m sorry about your brother. I more than advocate cutting out abusive family members. I’ve found that those who advocate keeping in contact with said people have never dealt with shitty family members themselves.
Thank you. I think you’re right. It must be so nice to be able to have a family one can love.
I remember saying something similar when I was a teenager, only I was complaining about other asshole relatives, not parents. “Why do we have to pretend to love these people, and waste our holidays with them, just because we have some genetic material in common? What does that have to do with anything? And why are we the ones who have to make all the effort? You know those people wouldn’t lift a finger for us.”