Welcome to the Melbourne Community Daily Discussion Thread.

  • danwritesbooks@aussie.zone
    20·
    1 year ago

    Well after 12 years and a child, I am now no longer in a relationship. It is a weird, sad, haunting feeling but in a weird way kind of relieving that I know what is going on after so much uncertainty. We’ve agreed to split everything 50/50 and want the best for all of us involved. So that’s good.

    But I am shit scared of being on my own. I basically went from living with my parents to living with her so I’ve never been on my own. I’m thinking up all these things and I see horror stories about renting or trying to buy and wondering if I earn enough. I already know I have to sacrifice things which is fine, I could do without them, but it’s still a scary future.

    2023 truly sucks balls.

    • melbourne_wanderer@aussie.zone
      10·
      1 year ago

      sorry to hear. it does sound like you’re both being decent and mature about it, which is small comfort but far more than many can say.

    • SituationCake@aussie.zone
      6·
      1 year ago

      Sorry to hear. Break up of long term relationship is one of the hardest life events. Good that things are amicable with partner. Life might be hard for a while but if the relationship wasn’t working it will also be a fresh start once the dust settles.

      • danwritesbooks@aussie.zone
        4·
        1 year ago

        That’s basically it. Fresh start and we are being amicable about it so it won’t be as hard as it could be. Thank you.

    • Thornburywitch@aussie.zoneEnglish
      6·
      1 year ago

      Sorry to hear this, Dan. Sucks not to have a backup for the life admin, but this is a skill that can be learned. You may find that the solo life is just right for you and kid once you’ve learned how to do it. And the peeps here can be relied on to put in their two cents worth if asked.

    • useless_modern_god@aussie.zone
      5·
      1 year ago

      I’m truly sorry Dan. I don’t know how old your child is but be mindful of unloading your anger or sadness about the divorce on them. It can can have long term effects.

    • TinyBreak@aussie.zone
      4·
      1 year ago

      Well, this sucks, and Im sorry. If you’re up for it, how about we take a different view on this? If you’re up for it. You’re absolutely entitled to wallow in misery of course!

      spoiler

      And end is always sad, but you know whats worse is staying in something when people are unhappy. Sounds like you guys were strong enough to call time, which is awesome cause a lot of people dont. They just stay and live out their lives in misery. And you cant go on to find someone whos gonna make you happy if your still in relationship where things aren’t working. Its gonna be a bit scary. And its at times gonna be tough. But your kiddo is gonna be better off with 2 happy parents. When you are ready, reframe it as a new beginning. This could be the start of a new you. A new life. You wont feel like it yet, but one day theres good odds on you looking back at the start of a new period of happiness in your life. And I hope you get to use this time to explore, find yourself and find what makes you happy.

      • danwritesbooks@aussie.zone
        4·
        1 year ago

        Thank you. Your words resonate with me so much. It was a long time coming and I’ve been mentally preparing just those things. Trying to turn it into a positive. Trying to better myself as a person and a parent which is what I need to do.

        • TinyBreak@aussie.zone
          1·
          1 year ago

          It wont feel like it straight away, just rest knowing it probably will one day. TBH i think your first goal should be cutting yourself some slack. Its gonna be a big change, so be kind to yourself. Happiness is also gonna be a huge boost to you as a person and a parent. Sleep in every so often, enjoy some junk food, go for a walk instead of the gym ect.

          • danwritesbooks@aussie.zone
            1·
            1 year ago

            Thank you for the advice. I will try to do that and try to busy myself in hobbies I’ve let go by for various reasons

    • StudSpud The Starchy@aussie.zoneEnglish
      3·
      1 year ago

      Shit sorry, sending you good vibes and my love. My Mum and Dad broke up when I was 13, after the same amount of time together (i was an accident lol), but my Dad is doing great! You will too, it’ll take time, allow yourself to grieve, but things will feel better in time 💜💜

  • Bacon@aussie.zone
    18·
    1 year ago

    9am appointment.
    1:30pm appointment. A duck ton of money spent during these two.
    Possible admin task in the afternoon.
    Emotional support for friend in the evening.

    I should get up.

  • Rusty Raven @aussie.zoneM
    18·
    1 year ago

    Today is looking to be a great day. I am not working. Weather is mostly sunny and 17. It’s pay day. New content is released for both my gardening and housing subjects today. And tomorrow is the installation of the split system. No Mondayitis in this household 🙂

  • landsharkkidd@aussie.zoneEnglish
    16·
    1 year ago

    CW: Diet culture + medication

    One of the things I hate about diet culture (amongst everything) is how there’s medication and people go “oh you can also lose weight!”. Like… it feels so gross. I was listening to my news thing with Google and I was listening to CNN and they were talking about Ozempic, and how America advertises medication on TV they played one of their ads and it’s like “this is for people with diabetes, but it can also help you lose weight!” and it’s like so gross. I feel like people with diabetes is trying to just survive the day and not worry about losing weight.

    Similar to when I had my psychiatrist appointment to start taking Ritalin, and my psych is like “it’s great for adults because you can lose weight, usually for kids we have to watch them just in case, but for adults it’s great.” And I’m like sitting there, a fat person, just like… ugh. Felt so gross. Like, I just want to be able to make it through the day and get my tasks done, and not procrastinate, I don’t care if it makes me lose weight.

    • Rusty Raven @aussie.zoneM
      14·
      1 year ago

      Our society has a very messed up view of weight. You get the same sorts of comments about being sick - someone is really sick and it causes them to use weight and you will have a ton of people piping up with “I could do with some of that” type comments. People with severe illnesses get comments about how great they look because they have lost weight.

      The other ones that annoys me is that when talking about food we use “healthy” to mean low calorie, and we call a metabolism that uses lots of energy “efficient” (would you call your car efficient because it uses more fuel?). Yes obesity can be a problem, but thin is not inherently healthy, and losing weight can be a very bad medical sign.

      • just_kitten@aussie.zone
        10·
        1 year ago

        The amount of positive comments I’ve got from certain people when I’ve been unintentionally losing weight over the last year from stress and inactivity and loss of appetite is really not cool. Nobody seems to believe me when I say it’s not a good sign and I am not healthy

      • landsharkkidd@aussie.zoneEnglish
        7·
        1 year ago

        Yes yes yes.

        It frustrates me that I can do an hour of workout and eat greens and stuff, but yet people will see me as “unhealthy” yet my mate who can eat like 10 dim sims and 2 large chips from KFC but are still hungry. I love my mate, but it is just… wild, that skinny = healthy and fat = unhealthy. Like yes, of course, being fat isn’t always healthy. But you can be healthy at any size and you can be unhealthy at any size. It just makes me so mad and upset that to be considered “healthy” you need to be skinny.

        • Rusty Raven @aussie.zoneM
          4·
          1 year ago

          I think it’s not so much the word itself which bothers me as that we push weight loss as an extreme, short-term endeavour which we do to become “healthy” and then stop. So when people think they need to lose weight they tend to go for extreme calorie reductions, meal replacement shakes, and a complete but short-term change in their eating. What people generally should be doing is making much smaller but permanent changes to their diet and lifestyle.

          Which is probably when talking about myself I talk about “The Diet” somewhat tongue-in-cheek, because I am not really “dieting” in that regard, its really just a small part of a change towards a permanently healthier diet and lifestyle.

          • CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone
            2·
            1 year ago

            Yeah exactly. When I say my diet is a little out of whack lately I’m taking about my overall nutrition intake not a restricted “cant eat that” one diet.

      • dumblederp@aussie.zone
        4·
        1 year ago

        Semiplegic tettany has the added benefit of making people shredded from constant barely controllable muscle spasm.

    • StudSpud The Starchy@aussie.zoneEnglish
      10·
      1 year ago

      I lost weight due to my poverty-life. I felt ashamed that I lost weight because I only lost it due to being poorer than I was, so I just tell people I’m OMAD (one meal a day/intermittent fasting) but don’t reccomend it to anyone. Also, in part due to smoking ciggies, they’re appetite supressors. I am very unhealthy, despite eating healthy, as I am usually quite hungry all the time and I lead a very sedentary lifestyle. And yet I am still considered ‘fat’ by society, somehow. Like, no. I will not starve myself further because society (men) thinks I should be 50kg-60kg. It’s hard enough to maintain the 70kg-75kg that I am without slipping further down the scale.

      Also, yeah, fat does not mean unhealthy. The only time I would consider it unhealthy is when someone is like, 200kg-400kg. But I also consider it unhealthy to be under 50kg. But I also dont know everyone’s story and am not a doctor or their doctor, both under 50kg and over 200kg could be, and probably are, living much healthier lifestyles than I.

      I think it ought to be the norm to not judge anyone for their weight. And those ads for diet pills make me want to hurt someone lol

      • Seagoon_@aussie.zone
        8·
        1 year ago

        A few years back I too lost about 15 kgs from being poor. I planned meals carefully, I read food stats on packets, ate sooo many carrots as they are cheaper than potat. So many eggs as meat is expensive. The last thing I was thinking of was the latest food fad espoused by media. I knew I was eating healthier than before. No junk and a better balance.

        Husband did not like it even tho he lost weight too. For him healthy food has to be health food, nothing to do with nutrition, it’s a spiritual thing. I remember being very annoyed the times he would eat my dinner, grabbing my food before I served myself because he thinks he can eat as much as he wants, even more if it’s health food, cos more is better right?

        I grew up eating healthy but modern media tells us traditional diet is bad, right?

        • CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone
          5·
          1 year ago

          You probably already know this but during ww2 peoples diets were healthier than ever before probably due to the fact that sugar and fats were limited due to rationing.

            • CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone
              4·
              1 year ago

              Yes and no. Fat back then was often plentiful and cheap so a common meal for the poor was left over drippings and bread. What we know now of course is that there are good fats and not so good fats. A small amount of animal fat is good for us but not what they were eating.

              • Force_majeure122@aussie.zone
                2·
                1 year ago

                I’d also disagree that drippings are not healthy! And imagine if now instead of bread and drippings you just have bread. Pretty sad state of affairs that would be

    • melbourne_wanderer@aussie.zone
      7·
      1 year ago

      For all you people interested in “diet culture” and how society views weight, nutrition, health etc, I very strongly recommend the podcast “Maintenance Phase”

      • Rusty Raven @aussie.zoneM
        3·
        1 year ago

        Thank you for that recommendation. I’ve just been reading some of the transcripts (which I’m happy to see they have, I’d rather read than listen) and it’s really interesting.

      • landsharkkidd@aussie.zoneEnglish
        2·
        1 year ago

        I LOVE Maintenance Phase. Highly recommend it. I also recommend Fad Camp, similar idea as Maintenance Phase but it’s Irish folks. They’ve covered some similar stuff but there’s some interesting stuff in it.

    • Hongohones@aussie.zone
      6·
      1 year ago

      I hate the judgement people lump on us for not being some fucked up influencer / media ideal of beauty and that that pertains to health somehow.

      That a psychiatrist passed judgement over your weight when he was treating a neurodivergence (I assume) I find fucking gross too honestly. “Here vunerable person, have my 2 cents worth about your appearance”

  • Seagoon_@aussie.zone
    16·
    1 year ago

    Sitting on a bench near a bus stop some guy sits a bit too close to me. Starts asking general questions. Then asks me if I know about Jesus. Told him I know Jesus didn’t harass women at bus stops. Asks me what I was reading. It was a book by Albert Schweitzer. He told me to burn it. Told him to stop harassing me and I just got up and walked away.

    Absolute lunatic.

    • Thornburywitch@aussie.zoneEnglish
      4·
      1 year ago

      Many years ago, was on the 64 tram and reading Religion and the Decline of Magic by Keith Thomas. An elderly gent in full hasidic dress opposite me leaned forward and told me I was going to Hell for reading such a book.
      It’s actually about the counter-reformation and the decline of the witch cult (as imagined at the time).
      I’m not sure elderly gent actually knew that - but must have seen the picture on the front with an alchemist’s laboratory as imagined by a 17th century artist. Lots of alembics and stuffed crocodiles and mystik diagrams on the floor and nekkid wimmen holding said alembics. All very symbolic. Gave him a death stare but didn’t say anything.

  • Electronic_Owl@aussie.zone
    14·
    1 year ago

    So my home town Mordialloc is in the news today following the 30-year sentence handed down to a 73 year-old who murdered two of his neighbours over a trivial garden hose incident 18 months ago. I walk past the scene every day and wondered why there was a TV crew setting up outside this afternoon.

    • bananafungus@aussie.zone
      8·
      1 year ago

      As someone who grew up driving 4x4s (and still drives them) this is also my take. Also if you are driving a big car, park at the back of the carpark, means the hatchbacks and the sedans don’t have to play chicken when reversing out.

        • bananafungus@aussie.zone
          5·
          1 year ago

          Shits me to tears! Probably an unpopular opinion to some but I think if you can afford to keep and maintain a 4x4 you should be able to keep a little beater for shop runs and driving round the burbs, no one needs a huge ute or a landcruiser to do the school or grocery run.

          • CEOofmyhouse56@aussie.zone
            2·
            1 year ago

            I don’t have a problem with people driving big cars but just fucking park properly in between the lines. Also don’t get up my arse when driving because otherwise I’m gonna leave an even bigger gap between me and the car in front. Like fucking huge.

            • Duenan@aussie.zone
              2·
              1 year ago

              Also want to add that parking in their lines instead of having their front or rear bar in my parking space just because I have a hatchback would be nice too.

              Never know if they actually have bumped into my car or not.

              I really hate shopping at my woolworths because it’s next to a Bunnings and it shares the same car park.

  • TinyBreak@aussie.zone
    12·
    1 year ago

    I am SICK to freaking death of learning things from overhearing my wife on the phone! Is this a common thing or a just us issue?

  • Electronic_Owl@aussie.zone
    11·
    1 year ago

    Well shit. I just called to make a doctors appointment only to be told that the doc I’ve seen for the last 13 years has retired. Feels like a relationship break-up in some ways, he knew everything about my ailments and mental health, he was easy to talk to. Now I have to start all over again with a stranger :(

    • PeelerSheila @aussie.zone
      5·
      1 year ago

      That sucks 😞 I always feel like it wouldn’t hurt the practice to notify the dr’s patients. Same thing happened to Mr Peeler. It can be hard and daunting finding a Dr you connect with and who gets you.

  • just_kitten@aussie.zone
    11·
    1 year ago

    Hate that feeling of finally feeling you can kick back after a shitty day and get ready for a 7am start one hour away tomorrow… Only to realise you’re out of cooked rice and now you have to wait. Hangry.

    • heyheyitskay@aussie.zone
      4·
      1 year ago

      I noticed myself literally eating angrily these days. Usually it’s some sort of resentment about not having prepared earlier or the time that it’s taken for the food to be ready. I’m reverting back to my infant self on a high chair.

      • just_kitten@aussie.zone
        5·
        1 year ago

        It has been resolved and as a bonus I managed to finish this report while I was waiting so now I can truly knock off for the day. Yay.