Honestly my life is fantastic right now I LITERALLY cannot understand why I feel like this today. I have a ton going on and all of it is good but somehow that’s still scary and so many of the good things that are happening are somehow scary anyway and I’m really ultra struggling. How y’all doing. Tell me something good that you’re up to this weekend and maybe your blooming will help distract me from whatever this ridiculous anxiety is coming from. It do be like that sometimes.
I feel a bit stuck looking for a job, and it’s hard to resist cultural programming to blame myself. I left a cushy MIC job because my moral compass couldn’t take it anymore. I tried part time employment, gig work, even starting my own business, but I’ve run out of time and money.
I have until February to find a job, which is a lot longer than most say when they’re out of time. I’m stuck in [Midwest Suburb], and am thinking of dropping everything to find a job in Chicago. Well, not thinking, feeling.
I feel like I’m being called to Chicago, but I’ve never been, and I’m only going on a short trip there sometime soon. I have been socially isolated for my whole life, and I’m looking for a hub of people that I can call my own. Maybe I can find that there, if I want to increase my chances for finding community. Everybody wants to feel like they belong, and maybe it’s futile to keep seeking it, when I could build it where I am, even if it isn’t ideal.
I’ve changed a lot in the past 8 years, and I still don’t know what I’m doing. I do know how to take single steps forward, and I think that’s all I need, but… it’s scary.