I’ve been waiting until after Christmas day to make this post, but some of our communities recently have had a lot of noise and upset over someone that uses neopronouns that most people are unfamiliar with.
So I want to make this clear. A persons pronouns are to be respected. This is true when the user is using neopronouns that you’re unfamiliar with. It’s true even if you think someone is trolling. Pronouns are not rewards for good behaviour. They aren’t only to be respected when you like the person you’re interacting with, or if their pronouns “make sense” to you. Trolls, spammers, twitter users, it doesn’t matter who they are, your options are to respect their pronouns, or to not engage with them.
I really want to re-iterate the importance of this. Gender diverse folk are undermined, invalidated and questioned at every step of our lives. As a community, we need to be working to undo that, not creating more of it, and that means there is no space for treating pronouns (including neopronouns) as a reward for good behaviour.
This isn’t a free reign for trolls and spammers. The rules still apply. Trolling, spamming, etc will continue to be dealt with, but it’s not an excuse to act as if respecting someones pronouns is optional.
yo only vaguely related, but pugjesus is REALLY being an asshole about drag. i figured this is a safe place to vent lmao
that powertrippinbastards community gets worse every time i dip my head in, i swear
Lemmy seems to be getting worse unfortunately :\
Hi Ada, I stepped in to lock the post and put a stop to the drama, but maybe I should have acted sooner. Our admins have got no problem with respecting drag’s pronouns or anyone else’s. The social conservatives seem emboldened since Trump was re-elected imo. It sucks.
You literally didn’t though? You locked someone else’s post, but not PugJesus’ post. You also regurgitated the same stupid line about “dragon fucker isn’t a gender” that literally has nothing to do with drag’s pronouns. Way to try and curry favour like you care when you clearly, in fact, do not.
This is a bad faith comment tbh. I locked the second post on this topic soon after I was messaged about it. It didn’t seem as heated as the other post I previously locked which is why I’d left it unlocked originally. Perhaps it took a while for that lock to be federated to the blajah instance?
And for the record, that’s not what I said, you are (inaccurately) paraphrasing. I do think that drag is a irredeemable troll, but I have always used drag’s pronouns to the best of my ability. Just because drag might be trans doesn’t excuse drag’s behaviour towards other users. We adopt a “fuck around and find out” rule towards trolls and drag fucked around one time too many.
I don’t have any opinion on the validity or otherwise of neo-pronouns, I’m not interested in litigating the topic because the discussion always turns toxic - I simply reminded our members to respect pronouns even if they don’t agree with or understand them.
If my actions seem like “currying favour” to you, then I can only say that you seem to be determined to take offense.
“paraphrasing”
yea, i did a bit i suppose. however i think the intent of the above cw is pretty clear. or maybe i’m just trying to take offence. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
you allowed a user to come and say a bunch of gross shit in your comm, you fostered a space for transphobia. drag is absolutely an irredeemable troll but drag’s pronouns shouldn’t factor into that.
in any case, the conversation above was about PugJesus’ post, which you hadn’t locked when you replied here. if you were choosing to leave one of the two posts unlocked, you could have said so, but you acted like the issue was definitively resolved.
It’s sad to see transphobia being perpetuated on this instance (dbzer0), by an admin nonetheless. Guess it’s time to switch instances.
thank you for replying to their message as well, i really didn’t have the spoons too. you’re more than welcome here at blahaj 💜
The CW differentiates between “misgendering” as usually understood by mainstream folks (i.e., calling a trans-man a woman or vice versa) and the more inclusive concept of “misgendering” (maybe I used the wrong term here??) Ada posted about which includes imaginary identities and pronouns, such as fantasy creatures etc. I think the first meaning is widely accepted (at least among social progressives) but the second is perhaps not, which is why I made the distinction. If you can suggest a more appropriate wording for the CW that will be understood by most folks then I’ll be happy to consider revising the wording. I also reminded our users to respect pronouns no matter what they are, even if they don’t understand or agree with them.
FYI, I’m not in fact a mod of that community. I only stepped in because I got a lot of reports about this topic and thought it was going off the rails. And generally I prefer to leave user comments intact in that community rather than removing them, since I think it’s useful to keep a record of the discussion for future reference. Thus the CW approach on this occasion.
The actual chain of events was 1. receiving a bunch of reports about one post (the first one I locked); 2. coming across this post and expressing solidarity with Ada; 3. receiving a message about the second post; and 4. locking that post too. PugJesus was in fact active in both posts and there was a lot of topic overlap.
I’m sorry I didn’t act sooner, but it’s xmas and I have other IRL stuff going on. I’m also sorry you folks at blajah have received so much abuse simply for trying to be an inclusive and safe space for trans people. I do my best to be supportive of trans folks and of your instance, but I totally acknowledge I’m not an expert on the topic and may have worded things poorly. If you want to attack me for that, then go ahead I guess, but on a personal note, I am a 50yo gay man who has also faced discrimination and abuse in my life, so please have some consideration for my feelings too, because being (imo) unfairly accused of being transphobic is hurtful. Thanks.
Misgendering is misgendering, fullstop, no distinction to be made. They aren’t “imaginary identities” they are just identities. It’s sad to see transphobia being spouted by an instance admin of what I formerly considered a safe instance to be apart of.
By considering invalidating neopronouns to not be “misgendering” you are essentially invalidating those identities, and certainly doing so by calling them “imaginary”.
Additionally, perpetuating transphobia at all is disgusting. There shouldn’t be a cw, it should be removed, and the user should be banned. The modlog has logs if seeing the context is needed.
I personally agree with you about the “misgendering is misgendering” point, and that’s Ada’s position for Blajah, but most folks on our instance don’t seem to share that perspective when it comes to certain types of neo-pronouns, so I feel some distinction is still useful. And even if someone generally supports trans rights and the right to be correctly gendered according to an individual’s preference, according to this thinking they are labelled “transphobic” if they don’t extend this acceptance to include identities like “dragon fucker”? To me, that seems unfair. Those folks are at least trying to be trans allies for all intents and purposes, just not to the degree that you would like. To lump them in with folks who genuinely hate trans people is imo wrongheaded at best, and it seems counterproductive. For those folks who are on a journey towards a broader acceptance of diverse identities, you are basically adopting a “scorched earth” approach towards them simply because they share 90% of your views and not 100%.
Thank you! It’s been eye opening to see just how many of them there are active on lemmy :/
I want to share the above person’s comment regarding drag while locking that post:
https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/comment/15649022
As well, the post that user locked was not the main post, that was left unlocked for at least another 12 hours. There were two.
I didn’t want to report this as I didn’t want to face repercussion from moderators/admin on that instance.
deleted by creator
thanks for being around, ada. the work you do is greatly appreciated, even if it’s not readily apparent all the time.
imo @MossyFeathers said it best in an edit they made to this comment, quoted for visibility:
Damn, it’s really weird to see myself getting quoted in a completely different thread, lol. Tbh, I’m not sure I handled myself all that well; however, in my defense, I was really pissed off because it’s no where near the first time I’ve seen people claim an identity was false, nor was it the first time I’ve seen someone treat pronouns like a reward for good behavior. I don’t agree that using “gender” in the way drag was using it is the correct way of using it, it seems like using a hammer on a screw; however, that’s not really for me to decide.
Drama subs are kind of a guilty pleasure for me, which was why I was there in the first place (also I browse all). At this point though, I’ve blocked pugjesus and I hope to never see their ass again. Probably gonna go back and block a bunch of the transphobes effectively saying that having your identity/pronouns respected are a privilege and not a right as well. What a bunch of gross, toxic individuals. It also makes me sad and disappointed. Lemmy used to be fun. It’s not really fun anymore.
I definitely didn’t handle myself well in response to this either, so please give yourself some grace. The amount of cis people who were trying to assert that disrespecting drag’s identity was the right thing to do was huge and wildly disappointing. It’s hard to call any of them allies. I’ve been blocking a bunch as well.
it’s raw, and it’s real, and i’m SO glad you typed it out because it’s eloquating some shit that’s been bouncing around my head all nebulous and untouchable like.
and yeah pugjesus is a punk ass. mf has more than triple dipped on being an asshole in just the past 24 hours. anyone who isn’t already in that particular brand of echo chamber would be best off keeping as far away as possible, those kinda toxins are bad for the spirit :/
To be fair, pugjesus is an asshole about a lot of things, not just drag.
/s
I took a look and this is their normal behavior: just the topic du jour that they can use to whip up drama.
i really oughta block that whole comm. there’s something to be said for the value of dissenting opinions, but until they raise a point that isn’t “weird pronouns bad” there’s not a lot there for anyone outside the echo chamber.
i’m starting to think even trying to argue the logic is just an exercise in validating their bullshit when your comments all get dogpiled.