Nah. You can’t do much about how you look, beyond basic hygene and self care.
You can easily do something about being interested in other people’s lives, and being happy for them being happy and commiserating with them when they’re sad. The bonus with this focus is it also makes you feel better about yourself in the long run.
You can’t do much about how you look, beyond basic hygene and self care.
That was exactly how I read their comment. Don’t worry about trying to reach the ceiling, focus on staying off the floor. Basic hygiene, grooming, caring about yourself.
I think there is so much you can do for how you look - skin care, hydration, diet, exercise, etc. can radically change the way a person looks - but I tend to agree that personality matters much more. My point is that most people seem to get lost trying to make themselves physically attractive, and incel culture like looksmaxxing seem to fall into that logic as well, but they miss that the bar is lower than they expect. And of course, your point is missed by this community as well - that looks are even less important overall than how you hold yourself and interact, etc. - the mental stuff is the most important. Luckily good diet, hydration, and exercise help with that too!
You know I am honestly not so sure. I have seen people who definitely aren’t healthy, and probably not emotionally secure who get and sometimes keep relationships. It’s a lot more complex than you think. Some part of this is because obviously people with similar issues want to be together, but I think as well that things like physical attractiveness do have a role. It’s also the case that being a nice person and being emotionally stable aren’t actually the same thing, and often don’t go together. In fact to me it seems like people who have issues are actually less judgemental. Some of the worst people are those who have never struggled with anything.
It’s like how people have this concept that they either are or aren’t worthy of love. I don’t think that’s even a valid idea to begin with as there is no universal standard for what people want in a partner. Someone either wants you or they don’t, worthiness just isn’t a large factor.
You’re looking at unbalanced relationships. As you say, there are plenty and some even keep going somehow. But they are not really what anyone should aim for, right? We can recognise we are not perfect and still aim high and try to improve. And of course we should probably be supporting our similarly imperfect partner do the same. Teamwork and all that.
The whole worthiness bullshit is self inflicted pain. I had a good friend exactly in that situation, thinking she didn’t deserve love because she had cheated in her previous relationship. Took her a few years and the support and love of her friends before she realised that’s not how things work at all. Ended up married with a gamer and a kid and opening a boardgames café together.
I mean I am at least normatively a guy and I would have to consider a relationship with an alien. Could definitely be interesting. Humans are very flawed creatures and are frequently disappointing.
Many people share their home with others. They would still shower to the nice.
While a daily shower is overkill, and there are other ways to deal with it, most people need some sort of bathing routine as part of basic skin care: removing accumulated dust, dirt, sebum, sweat, etc. from the skin, particularly joints/folds/crevices.
Everyone thinks rules 1 and 2 are:
But really they are:
also it’s probably more important to not be too unattractive - people are focusing too much on the ceiling but they need to focus on the floor
Nah. You can’t do much about how you look, beyond basic hygene and self care.
You can easily do something about being interested in other people’s lives, and being happy for them being happy and commiserating with them when they’re sad. The bonus with this focus is it also makes you feel better about yourself in the long run.
That was exactly how I read their comment. Don’t worry about trying to reach the ceiling, focus on staying off the floor. Basic hygiene, grooming, caring about yourself.
I think there is so much you can do for how you look - skin care, hydration, diet, exercise, etc. can radically change the way a person looks - but I tend to agree that personality matters much more. My point is that most people seem to get lost trying to make themselves physically attractive, and incel culture like looksmaxxing seem to fall into that logic as well, but they miss that the bar is lower than they expect. And of course, your point is missed by this community as well - that looks are even less important overall than how you hold yourself and interact, etc. - the mental stuff is the most important. Luckily good diet, hydration, and exercise help with that too!
Good points. Agree completely.
I think that they just need to look like they didn’t just pick themselves off the floor, realistically.
Being emotionally balanced and secure about something at all in your life goes a long way to building a character that other people want to be around.
If these terms are meaningless to you and you don’t get it, you’re not ready for dating.
You know I am honestly not so sure. I have seen people who definitely aren’t healthy, and probably not emotionally secure who get and sometimes keep relationships. It’s a lot more complex than you think. Some part of this is because obviously people with similar issues want to be together, but I think as well that things like physical attractiveness do have a role. It’s also the case that being a nice person and being emotionally stable aren’t actually the same thing, and often don’t go together. In fact to me it seems like people who have issues are actually less judgemental. Some of the worst people are those who have never struggled with anything.
It’s like how people have this concept that they either are or aren’t worthy of love. I don’t think that’s even a valid idea to begin with as there is no universal standard for what people want in a partner. Someone either wants you or they don’t, worthiness just isn’t a large factor.
You’re looking at unbalanced relationships. As you say, there are plenty and some even keep going somehow. But they are not really what anyone should aim for, right? We can recognise we are not perfect and still aim high and try to improve. And of course we should probably be supporting our similarly imperfect partner do the same. Teamwork and all that.
The whole worthiness bullshit is self inflicted pain. I had a good friend exactly in that situation, thinking she didn’t deserve love because she had cheated in her previous relationship. Took her a few years and the support and love of her friends before she realised that’s not how things work at all. Ended up married with a gamer and a kid and opening a boardgames café together.
But do not confuse being a nice person with being a ‘nice guy’.
It’s really be nice to be around. If people enjoy being near you they’ll want to do it more and some will want to date you
There’s also a third, unwritten rule.
All the blokes I’ve met that are happy in love are just gentle and respectful, especially of consent.
Turns out, and I know this is a shocker, we’re not fucking aliens we just want to be treated as equally valuable and interesting people.
If you were getting it on with aliens, you’d be especially valuable and interesting.
A lot of women I know would love to get it on with aliens, but are stuck with humans. Mind and gentle Terrans are worth settling for I suppose…
I mean I am at least normatively a guy and I would have to consider a relationship with an alien. Could definitely be interesting. Humans are very flawed creatures and are frequently disappointing.
Those prelubed long grey fingers just do it for me mate.
huh i thought they were:
Attempting to avoid triggering negative feelings (e.g. disgust) in the people around you is part of #1.
That generally requires #2, but might not depending other actions and niche situations.
You don’t need to shower if you never leave home.
Many people share their home with others. They would still shower to the nice.
While a daily shower is overkill, and there are other ways to deal with it, most people need some sort of bathing routine as part of basic skin care: removing accumulated dust, dirt, sebum, sweat, etc. from the skin, particularly joints/folds/crevices.
in any tropical area, daily showers are a requirement. in colder places they might be overkill, but idk
You do if you don’t want a skin condition
i met my wife on 4chan
Fake: nobody on 4 chan gets married
Gay: everyone on 4chan is a middle aged dude
Yeah i blatantly lied