Not /j, /srs.

catgirl-disgust

I was looking back over my posts, and that was my honest reaction. It’s not very nice to keep autistic children around as your goofy lolcow, you know. Friends don’t let friends post cringe. In your own words, I want to know why you thought it was fine to act like the kind of fuckin internet posting I do was fine, and that I should continue to do so, more, worse. Does that really seem like a good idea to you? Go look at those comments and say it to my face, fucker.

If you didn’t, you are obligated to share with the class why you didn’t offer even an ounce of dissent about it. There’s a point past which politeness becomes condescending, and many months ago you could have saved everyone a ton of trouble, if you’d just said “this is terrible” or maybe even “lol cringe” at some point. It would have been mean, but it would have been less mean than sitting back and alllowing the high volumes of horror and embarrassment that ensued to happen. I mean, really.

If you disagree, I’d like to invite you to consider that you’re wrong, and whoever gave me the ability to think and transcribe those thoughts with a keyboard has a lot to answer for. I looked at the megathreads today, and seeing people even partially attribute the 2500+ comment threads to my repulsive disaster posting is awful. There are people who actually post things of value in those threads.

  • Kuori [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    2·
    12 days ago

    yeah that’s right i’m picking this back up days later, i’ve got that gold-tier subscription to social anxiety inside-im-crying (also you don’t have to reply ofc, i just felt bad leaving you on read!)

    My entire being was made up

    oooaaaaaaauhhh fuck i’m shadowboxing ghosts!

    I cannot judge the success of any interaction ever!

    i honestly think this is very normal. like you said it’s hard to perceive anything reliably, doubly so when you’re inside the thing you’re trying to get a view of.

    Maybe thinking about it in terms of how it went is too goal-oriented again

    eh i think the main issue is that you can only get your view of how it went and only in that one moment. you never know when your words are running through someone’s mind totally unbidden. imo it’s fine to approach an interaction with a goal in mind, i just think it veers into harmful thinking territory if you feel like you’ve failed when you don’t reach the goal in that interaction, you know?

    Many rooms in my mindpalace are taken up by screaming about old exchanges

    yea i hate that i feel this but god do i ever. the only thing i’ve found that really helps with the social anxiety is dealing with my partner’s social anxiety, which is significantly worse. talking her into accepting that a given situation went fine (and that if it hadn’t, there’d be some kind of blatant sign rather than one she had to go hunting for) has sort of forced my brain into the same kind of thought patterns when i start to suffer from “did i have a bad interaction” syndrome. it’s…still not great, but it’s definitely made an improvement.

    I hope she is well too. I’m not, but that’s just how it happens Idk.

    In This House we adore that girl, wherever she is. and yeah, i’ve seen some of your subsequent posts. :< i’m sorry things are so rough in your life. i truly hope they improve soon.

    also sorry if this was annoying or came off as preachy, i’m coming off the heels of a bad interaction (ironically? probably not) so i’m a little scatter-brained lol

    • ashinadash [she/her]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      1·
      12 days ago

      i’m picking this back up days later, i’ve got that gold-tier subscription to social anxiety ([…] i just felt bad leaving you on read!)

      Especially on the goofy forum, dw about it. I try not to “YOU LEFT ME ON READ” people, chats gotta end and on bearsite they’re like, emphemeral Idk. People just move on, y’know.

      like you said it’s hard to perceive anything reliably, doubly so when you’re inside the thing you’re trying to get a view of.

      I gotta get out of the thing no-no-no-wait-wait-wait I wish I coild just be at peace with not perceiving anything. Alas…

      you can only get your view of how it went and only in that one moment. you never know when your words are running through someone’s mind totally unbidden.

      Can you imagine the things I say living rent-free in anybody’s head? Literally who??? Not possible lmao. Mostly when I go to yap, I have more of a specific idea in mind to yap about, like some idle thought about a gender thing bites at my mind for a week and then I yap. Yappist…

      talking her into accepting that a given situation went fine (and that if it hadn’t, there’d be some kind of blatant sign rather than one she had to go hunting for) has sort of forced my brain into the same kind of thought patterns when i start to suffer from “did i have a bad interaction” syndrome.

      Should I… give my better half hardcore anxiety so I can fix mine? makima-huh I mean I’m glad it works but waow.

      I wish I could just medicate this shit but sertraline, gabapentin, wellbutrin, tons of stuff that either didn’t work or had side effects as ugly as what they were treating. Idk what I’ll do longterm.

      In This House we adore that girl, wherever she is. and yeah, i’ve seen some of your subsequent posts. :< i’m sorry things are so rough in your life.

      Hey some good things happened today so there’s that =) as far as being scatter brained again don’t worry about it, you’re fine. I was like Rad, another message!