It seems like, that the longer I am aware of me being trans I keep unlocking new forms of Dysphoria. I never really had any problems with my deadname, but now it does hurt a little bit when hearing it from other people, because im not officially out to them. Today I also realised that apparently I know hate seeing hairs on my arms, which was never a problem before. Hearing my voice also gets progressively worse. What the fuck is this? Why cant I not feel shittier as time goes on. I am on my way to transition, my body could decide to not make my life shit in the process.
What you’re describing is very common. Once we have finally accepted ourselves, the dysphoria, which was often an all pervasive background noise becomes sharper and more focused. Not necessarily stronger, but the focus changes, because now, we know what is going on, and we know what we want, and not having it, makes things stand out more.
The silver lining though is that now, you have answers, and when the opportunities present themselves, you know what you can start doing to help. When it’s background, directionless dysphoria, it’s not as sharp, but it’s also not something you can do much about. Now, you can do something about it. It might not be quick or easy, but you have a path forward!