Like many of you, I’ve had to spend a lot of time with family over the last few days. For me, it’s been day and night with my dad’s side of the family. The class background of this side of my family range from cousins who make well into six figures and a couple who have large homesteading operations to an uncle whose net worth is somewhere north of $40 million. Every single one of these cousins is set to inherit millions (and I want to clarify, this is NOT my own situation as while my dad had tremendous privileges, he didn’t leverage those into making any real money. I’m not inheriting anything and will likely be supporting my parents when they are old).
In past years, when we’ve gotten together politics is often avoided. That hasn’t been the case this year. I was taken aback by just how often communism, socialism, Mamdani (we don’t live anywhere near NYC), and “unfair taxes” came up. These people are not “liberals” in the sense that most people outside of here mean it, they are all full-blown conservative reactionaries. For reasons around protecting my physical safety, this is not a group of people with whom I share my politics; I’m pretty adept at avoiding these discussions and usually just gray rock folks when I’m stuck in them. I typically just listen and observe.
I’ll be honest, it was pretty demoralizing up until last night (and I’ll get to why things changed last night shortly). To regularly hear people who don’t have the slightest clue what they are talking about, and to speak with such confidence about things I know are not just wrong, but go against everything I believe in all with the constant hum of Fox News on in the background… it was wearing me down. Just to give you a few examples:
A cousin who is in her 40s and has never worked but owns 2 houses and three cars was talking about the time she lived in Russia for a couple months a few years ago. She had nothing but bad things to say about the people there, and everything was the fault of communism. Just completely talking out of her ass. People are rude because life was so bad under communism. People don’t know how to think for themselves because they weren’t allowed to do so in the USSR. No one will ever share food because they all starved before capitalism came in. On this last point, another cousin asked if there was a huge famine right at the end of the USSR. That was a bridge too far for me, I had to chime in to say that she was thinking about the 1990s, after the USSR fell,and how destroying the socialist structures that were in place in order to bring in capitalism is what really did the damage. On this point, family didn’t really respond and moved the conversation in a different direction, but I get the feeling my point was treated wit h skepticism despite the fact that these family members know that history is my thing. The American overconfidence in topics they know nothing about is real.
The topic of estate planning and taxes came up, too; I think because some of my uncles have been talking to their kids about their plans for when they die. One of my younger cousins – who is not rich herself but set to inherit enough to have her set for life – had to ask her dad “OK, but what do you think will happen to your estate if there’s a socialist revolution in this country? Will they just take everything? I really think that could happen here, I think that’s close”. While normally that would give me a lot of hope, since the petite bourgeois appear to be scared, I know what this cousin actually meant was “what happens if AOC is elected president and the Democrats win the house and 60 seats in the senate in 2028”.
Lots of other examples. Talking about how “socialism never works” so of course Mamdani is going to ruin NYC. Utter contempt for the idea that anyone who claims to be a “democratic socialist” could win any election in the US. Completely dismissing the idea that the economy is anything other than going great right now, and the people who are complaining that they can’t afford a house are all just lazy poors.
Then last night, that richest uncle paid for us all to have a private room at the most expensive restaurant in town. The display of excess in the restaurant was topped only by hearing conversations about the kinds of things my family was spending money on. All of these things I’ve mentioned had an effect on me. It made me feel isolated, sure. But worse, it just made me feel like the future we want to build is just so far away.
It all felt suffocating, so I told my wife I needed some time, and asked if she could watch the kids. I stepped out onto this empty patio. Taking a few minutes away from these people by myself really helped me see things clearly. I know a lot of what I’m going to say is honestly not particularly insightful. But it felt that way at the time to me, and I wanted to share in case it could help someone else here:
These people are the enemy. They are disproportionately represented in my family but it’s likely you know someone like them. They’re the ones who would have fought in the White Army. They would have supported Franco or Mussolini or Chang Kai-Shek to the hilt. They speak with confidence about things they know nothing about because seeing the world as they do justifies their entire existence and everything they have.
Let the demsocs worry about winning them over; being a revolutionary communists means we don’t need them - in fact, we will stand opposed to them from the other side until the revolution is won.
We can argue over where “the line” is. Maybe it’s the top 10% of wealth holders. Maybe it’s anyone who doesn’t live paycheck to paycheck. Or maybe for a more “Settlers” line, it’s most of the white working class plus the bourgeois. Wherever you want to draw that line, you are on one side and there’s a whole group of people on the other side. You’re not going to convince folks on the other side of the line that socialism is the correct path, of course. But you shouldn’t even worry about their thoughts and opinions; either directly through them or through their media. Maybe it’s actually a good thing they have warped views of reality, it might allow our work to go unnoticed for longer. They are blinded by their own self-interest. They surround themselves with media and opinions that reinforce that self-interest because it soothes them. And because we live in a society of such deep capitalist hegemony, all their uninformed, distorted opinions on socialism get treated like gospel. But it’s all a facade. Don’t let it get you down. Spend your time and mental energy among the workers, understand their concerns about their lives and show how socialism is the only answer. Do that while these bougie and middle class assholes comfort themselves with lies about socialism, and they won’t even see it coming.
relateable. not so much the material conditions if your extended family, but the values they espouse.
i just can’t be bothered with that kind of discourse. when i was younger i thought adults drew on life experience to cultivate wisdom, but probably in my late 20s it became clear, young or old, most everybody was just making shit up to get through the day with their self-understanding intact. and no amount of reasoned conversation could dislodge someone from who they want to be, and sometimes that need includes some specific political affiliation. especially if they watch a lot of TV and let it dictate to them what group they belong to.
im grateful for the older people that ive met over the years that exhibited more curiosity about things as they age. they were more engaging to talk to and demonstrated that growing old didn’t have to mean fossilization.
so in a mixed group i just listen and try to find my people from among them for later comraderie, confident that there’s always a few at least.
I had to listen to the most insufferable conversations about Ukraine and Palestine. I get that overconfidence
I have to leave rooms when Ukraine comes up. It isn’t worth the battle. They don’t bring up Palestine around me anymore though which is admittedly kinda nice.
No it isn’t but the incredulous question of why Russians would kill Ukrainians is like I want to scream level ignorant
Because they’re hostile NPCs of course. You ever see a Russian person? Big red health bar over their head, always
You’re right. People’s political concerns reflect their material/class concerns, except in the rare cases of class traitors. They can’t be convinced. They will always consider themselves victims before and after the revolution. When you’re with family members of higher class, just listen. Don’t teach, just learn how they think, and how the fabric of reaction weaves together. Warp and weft; which threads tug on which threads? Ask people where they heard that, which podcasts, streamers, or content creators they’re getting things from. Let them reveal the rot of their soul to you. Let it wash over you, and try not to be disgusted or incandescent. You’ll learn who the enemy is, and how thin the veil of pretense is.
Save your energy for when you’re surrounded by love.
You and me both comrade. It was really bleak until I discovered a family friend who was open to my views. Literally every family gathering is spent atleast 40% discussing political-economy, history, and literature with him. I think I’d go insane otherwise. I’m lucky to be as privileged as I am but holy shit it comes with severe psychic damage.
A thing I remind myself about often, is that the overwhelming majority of people in the world are on my side. It can be maddening when you deal with actual capitalists and the orbiting bourgeoisie or petite bourgeoisie, but they are alone, they are a shrinking minority, and they have swallowed all the lies that their grandparents crafted. Blind idiots.
Obviously the entrenched reactionaries are disproportionately white, but I’m not sure if this sort of Settlers discourse is all that helpful. In America, the face of fascism is getting bizarrely diverse, with two of the most prominent christofascist voices being Candace Owens and Nick Fuentes, and many other fash voices besides who are from other backgrounds like Vivek Ramaswamy. And what of not just Sneako or Kanye, but “black capitalists” like Killer Mike and Jay Z? And to be clear, I’m using the label to talk about the ideology called black capitalism, not just capitalists who are black. We can trace horrible reactionary lines going all the way back to figures like Marcus Garvey, a foundational figure in black capitalism who also collaborated with the KKK because both parties were ethnonationalists.
Speaking in terms of personal experience, I will definitely say most of the fash I’ve known were white, definitely at least 95%, but I’ve personally still known seriously reactionary people who were Indian (4chan freak), Latino (christofascists), Chinese (capitalist Civil War refugees) and more as offhand examples whose existence I think is important to understanding the historically peculiar nature of rising reaction in contemporary America.
And obviously I don’t say this to particularly condemn anyone. Right now I am trying to persuade one such person in a better direction because I have a level of rapport with them and I think it would be an outsized benefit to change such a person’s mind in this context. It’s uphill though because their partner is a much more heels-dug-in reactionary . . .
yeah, a general rule for life is that sometimes you gotta just Let People Be Wrong. do what you can to avert harm, plant seeds where you see the opportunity, but spend the bulk of your your effort on more productive and rewarding things. for your own sanity if nothing else.
more specific to people like this, we don’t need them to be convinced, we need them to be barred from power. any that can miraculously be convinced is a happy accident on the way.
I’ve never lived close enough to extended family to feel particularly close to them, and I haven’t seen most of them in many years nor spoken to them. Saw my aunt and uncle a few years ago and was strongly reminded about what an absolute midwit my MAGA retired cop uncle is. The fool genuinely believes China is planning to invade America via shipping containers. I laughed in his face and changed the subject and I am confident I will never see him again.
Hell yes. I was just thinking along these likes today as my proletarian partner was at work doing the sort of labor none on one side of my family ever could do and how he has never been invited to this shitty male bonding thing these relatives and my dad do every summer.
And I was both thinking about how these people come from families that were firmly Whites, how they think they are better than working class people and how they clearly hold on to this position to this day and so should we. Fuck em.
My family is dead. My partner’s family looks down on me as stupid fucking gwailo. I spent the holiday with my bro Tito’s. Nobody called, nobody texted. (Well, my partner texted on behalf of my beebee. He wanted to tell me “ho ho ho merry merrymas!”) My man. My only homey. I love that guy.
You know thats like one of the few positives of not understanding Korean is my apparent delight in learning I would be having more or less the same experience you had with my family in Korea. Like thank God the language barrier was there or I’d be losing my shit constantly with the reactionary and backwards shit my literal international capitalist class uncles say between their bouts of flex-bragging the moneyed shit they can do to their siblings.
Like when I was later getting told what was said I was rolling my eyes as the petty one-up shit they were saying to each other. That said I found out some wild fucking connections I indirectly have to a lot of very famous and well-off people because of some of my uncles. It’s weird as shit, I’m like three people connections off from Stalin and from famous/infamous international capitalists.
You’re conveying the feelings and insight well.
On your concept of a line—when it comes to ‘them’ I have found joy in blurring it by learning what a particular person is receptive to, to offer what could grow to be a small dissonance in their worldview. Maybe it won’t reach the extents of a mosaic, but it’s pleasing to learn when some ideas have spread. For example, on infrastructure try: “Road’s been erected by the state, everyone paid for it proportionally to their taxes—but now, rich or hardly-paying pauper, everyone leaves the same amount at the toll booth.” Any ‘unfair!’ will do at that point, like the rich shall be exempt. The dissonance is anchored.
Mamdani’s proposed rent-control, in particular to prevent gentrification close to new construction? “If they left too soon, their vacancies would tank real-estate value.” Depends on how clever they are with what you can get away with. Some mems will backfire—but that’s okay, utilize as your cover. (Try to discover who has a propensity to splitting.)
However I notice you’re focusing on ‘them.’ Maybe for the point, maybe out of discretion; but allow me to use the opportunity to point out work on a ‘us’ is perhaps more important.
I hope your wife shares your convictions. I’m entertaining the thought of a secret handshake for when dating. Printing out the hexbear logo or some such as sticker, claiming I just found it on the street to enquire whether it means something to my date or whether to bin it.—Having been open with my previous partners always made for good long-lasting companionship.
Same when expanding your circles, generally speaking, which I believe is everyone’s lifelong task. Chat up kindred spirits, stay connected, offer connections. Not always, but the others buy, mere simulacra at times, what we’re able to give ourselves: The pleasure of good company.
