Some backstory on me, I always expected I would have kids growing up, even picked out a name for a future daughter, which when my wife and I relized we didn’t want kids because our world is fucked, we don’t expect we’ll ever not be living paycheque to paycheque, and we borh have mental health issues that even when managed, don’t feel like something we want to submit a child to. I got a vasectomy a few years ago now and I don’t regret it. I’ve been on HRT for 4 months now, so my reproductive capabilitiesare doubly turned off. The name I picked out for a daughter ended up being the name I wanted for myself when I decided to transition. Plenty of reasons for me to not get worked up over pregnancy.

I’m currently reading For Whom the Belle Tolls by Jaysea Lynn, and there’s a scene with a bunch of women talking about pregnancy, and it set me to tears becauase it hit me that I’ll never be pregnant. It obviously makes sense, I haven’t got any of the equipment for that, I’m married and deeply devoted to someone who doesn’t have the equipment to make me pregnant, so obviously, I always knew that it wasn’t possible. I don’t even want kids! My siblings both have kids and while I love them to death, I do not want to and am not equipped to be a parent. It just hit me like a goddamn truck and now my wife is curled against me and snoring, and I’m trying not to start sobbing and wake her up because something I don’t want to happen can’t physically happen. I’ll probably talk to her about it either in the morning or after work tomorrow, but meat should never have been made to think, and I’m going to have to write a strongly worded letter to whoever thought it was a good idea.

Anywhore, despite leaving me in this state, I highly recommend this book. It has had me feel so much more than any book I have ever read, and I’m only a little over half way. My wife has said the same thing and she has finished it, so if you like spicy romantacy, or want to expand your horizons, it’s top of the list of everything I’ve read.

Edit: I ended up waking her up and we had a chat and I had a good cry. Turns out that part got her too.