It’s totally illogical, obviously if there’s something wrong with me I’d be better to know and get it treated, but I guess sometimes I feel like I’d prefer being in ignorant bliss of whatever happens to be killing me rather than know and have to go through a bunch of stressful shit to try and treat it. Honestly I think the anxiety of waiting is what kill me. If the doctor could just can me with a Star Trek thingy and be like “yeah you got terminal cancer” I’d probably handle it better than 5000 indeterminate tests that say I MAY have cancer.

Thankfully my doc is a nice guy. But yeah lo and behold I still got issues with hypertension and he’s not sure why since otherwise I’m seem in decent health for a guy my age.

Ugh, but now I got to get bloodwork and shit and I’m sure they’re gonna discover I have like super cancer or some shit.

Sorry wanted to vent.