It’s totally illogical, obviously if there’s something wrong with me I’d be better to know and get it treated, but I guess sometimes I feel like I’d prefer being in ignorant bliss of whatever happens to be killing me rather than know and have to go through a bunch of stressful shit to try and treat it. Honestly I think the anxiety of waiting is what kill me. If the doctor could just can me with a Star Trek thingy and be like “yeah you got terminal cancer” I’d probably handle it better than 5000 indeterminate tests that say I MAY have cancer.
Thankfully my doc is a nice guy. But yeah lo and behold I still got issues with hypertension and he’s not sure why since otherwise I’m seem in decent health for a guy my age.
Ugh, but now I got to get bloodwork and shit and I’m sure they’re gonna discover I have like super cancer or some shit.
Sorry wanted to vent.
The opposite situation is the one that crushes me. I got so dizzy all the time the year after I had covid and the doctors acted like I was crazy that I wasn’t relieved to hear them assure me my health was perfect. With anything not obviously visible I now get bad anxiety I won’t leave with a diagnosis.
Yeah, and sometimes you can just have a weird problem that even a good doctor can struggle to ID the cause of.
Having a frail human body sucks, why can’t I be a robot
If anyone reads this and it resonates with their experience, start looking into POTS and other related dysautonomic conditions.
POTS can have weird and transient symptoms, including primarily ones that present as mental health-related symptoms, and it can be tricky to diagnose for regular doctors. Cardiologists can figure it out really quickly with a good degree of certainty but it’s seriously overlooked and its existence is even denied by some doctors, despite all evidence to the contrary because dysautonomia gets the ME/CFS treatment despite plenty of evidence that indicates its existence. (I guess the biomarkers are just patients imagining them into existence).
Dysautonomic conditions like POTS involve the vascular system and COVID can have serious effects on it so post-COVID dysautonomia is quite common due to that fact.
Not a doctor, not a diagnosis. Just a tip for where to start looking.