I am not sure this is the right place but my girlfriend recently broke up with me through whatsapp, she was not clear why beyond saying I was putting to much pressure on her to meet in person when she couldn’t and that I didn’t want to listen. I am not looking for advice about that, I accept her choice to break up and she asked me not to be in contact for a while, which I have/will also do.

I am posting here because it really really hurts, and I feel like my entire world is collapsing around me. I am trying to reach out to what IRL friends I have to meet up but I feel so isolated and alone and I am just not sure what to do. The entire situation made me feel so powerless and alienated. The person that I thought I knew would never have done it this way and would have tried to solve it with me. And she never gave any signs before she made the decision, it was clearly something she had in her mind for a while but she even told me she loved me 2 days before she broke up, she was planning stuff to do, making things for my mom,… it just sucks

Idk Ig i am just looking for comfort :)

  • Infamousblt [any]@hexbear.netEnglish
    14·
    1 month ago

    I’m old and polyamorous so I’ve been through a lot of breakups. They all suck. All of them. Every single time. I’m not over all of them either. Some of them will, I suspect, hurt for the rest of my life.

    So that’s the honest part of the pain. It sucks and I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this.

    The good news though is it gets better. It hurts less eventually, even if it doesn’t feel like it will. Sometimes that hurt is replaced with fond memories. Enjoyable moments that you can look back on, through the hurt, to times when that relationship was good. Things that made you feel like yeah, I was here. I lived. I mattered. Sometimes it’s just replaced with anger and you really never understand any of it. That’s okay too.

    So how do you get there? Time and letting yourself feel what you feel. It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to cry or yell or cope however you gotta. As long as you need to. And then you gotta take those feelings and set them aside for a bit and move forward. Do something you enjoy for yourself, a hobby or a walk or a food or a phone call with a friend or literally whatever you like. And then do the things you gotta do to live…shower or do laundry or work or whatever the things you gotta do to live are. And just go through that cycle. Feel until you don’t wanna anymore, and then do something for yourself that reminds you why you’re here, and then do something that you gotta do. Pick yourself up even if you don’t want to. It’s not about some distant future where maybe things get better. It’s about right now, doing what you can to find moments to enjoy every single day.

    I’m no therapist or anything but this works for me and it works for the people I know that have experienced loss too. It’s okay to feel so don’t let anyone tell you not to. But you also gotta take care of yourself too. Feel and then be kind to yourself.

    And I think what you’ll find is that feeling part gets easier, or shorter, or takes longer to come on the next time and the time after that. The moments of joy come easier and the moments of sadness become old friends. It gets easier. But it takes time.

    So take your time. Don’t rush through the grief. But take care of yourself too while you do, because you matter too.