I had bottom surgery almost a year ago and I regret it so much. I didn’t say anything up to now I kept getting told that feelings of doubt and uncertainty will get better as it heals, well it’s healed for over a month and it hasn’t gone away. It’s gotten worse! I feel like I’m broken, like part of me is missing. I wish I didn’t fucking do this shit. I miss my dick and balls so much.
Don’t tell me that I don’t regret it and that regret is rare. This isn’t the first time I spoke up. I said this shit on Reddit and the dipshits who run r/trans banned me telling me that regret is rare and that I probably don’t regret it, and that the chance of me being not trans is tiny. I explained to those dumb fucks that I 100% am trans, am a woman and that I miss my dick and balls and they got me suspended for 3 days and muted me.
I absolutely regret it and I absolutely am a woman. Some days (currently now) I think about killing myself because I know I’ll never be whole again. I just want to get in my car and drive off a gate bridge, and that would be it.
That’s absolutely fucked that people are claiming to know your feelings better than you do (trans reddit has really gone down the toilet in recent years). The only person who can decide if you regret it is you, and your experience making others uncomfortable shouldn’t be your problem. Preferring to have a dick and balls does not make you any less of a woman, as I’ve met cis women who wished they had them and trans women who like their’s.
As far as how you move forward, I have no direct answers. I really hope you don’t kill yourself and instead seek professional support, because helping with a loss like this is not something us internet peeps are qualified to do. We can only listen, share our own experiences, and affirm your emotions, which might not be everything you need. Since your case isn’t common, I’d look for therapists who work through bodily loss more generally AND are trans supportive, although you never know who you’ll find.