I was at a party where this very handsome guy kept making moves and initiating. It felt so nice to be chosen out of many people, and the chats were good rather than superficial small talk. After a while he asked “my place or yours?” No matter how much my mind was aware that I am not the type of person who can carelessly hook up and I get attached, my heart couldn’t say no in the moment. So we went to his and hooked up. We were also drunk which didn’t help. Full disclosure, he couldn’t get completely hard, and I wonder if it has to do with me but he said it’s probably because he’s drunk. We mutually did other intimate things too, and cuddled afterwards which got me - he was giving compliments and being sweet.
Then it got weird. I couldn’t sleep and woke him up once after which he turned over and at one point said “get out”. He was in and out of sleep with eyes closed, but it was very clearly said. He also claims that he doesn’t remember anything after he hit the bed. So does that mean it’s possible he was dreaming/sleeptalking and it wasn’t directed at me? I accidentally left something small at his place and he added me on social media later on saying he found it. We sent a few flirty messages back and forth across a few days, and he recently asked about my weekend plans but is now ghosting me for the second time.
I just feel old and stupid. I naively thought there could be something this time but they are all the same. I hate that I fell for it and couldn’t control myself. What should I do or say now? We’re in a professional organization (although not a workplace) where word travels fast, my friends all saw us and were so curious, and I really care what our peers think of me. I asked when he was drunk to keep this between us so I’m afraid it didn’t register deeply enough. Should I have a real talk with him, and if so, over food or just a talk in person or over the phone? I feel so lost. Please help me out, friends. Thank you!
For the “get out” thing, it could be nothing. I think I’ve said some stupid stuff being “woken up” but not actually being conscious. I don’t remember those moments, but I think I can definitely speak and do things without actually being awake. That could be nothing. The ghosting is the real issue. That is a choice. If they’re being rude or choosing to do things that you don’t like, that’s a sign to leave.
If you really want to give it a shot though and think it’s a misunderstanding, or want to clear things up, or get your possessions back, or whatever, get a coffee or something with them in public. Feel it out in person. You’ve currently lost nothing of value and have nothing to lose really. Just don’t attach more to it than it has. You hooked up with someone. It doesn’t mean they’re in love with you. So far, it sounds like you’ve had no more than a date with them. Just because you had sex, don’t treat it as more than that. You don’t know each other.