For the “get out” thing, it could be nothing. I think I’ve said some stupid stuff being “woken up” but not actually being conscious. I don’t remember those moments, but I think I can definitely speak and do things without actually being awake. That could be nothing. The ghosting is the real issue. That is a choice. If they’re being rude or choosing to do things that you don’t like, that’s a sign to leave.

If you really want to give it a shot though and think it’s a misunderstanding, or want to clear things up, or get your possessions back, or whatever, get a coffee or something with them in public. Feel it out in person. You’ve currently lost nothing of value and have nothing to lose really. Just don’t attach more to it than it has. You hooked up with someone. It doesn’t mean they’re in love with you. So far, it sounds like you’ve had no more than a date with them. Just because you had sex, don’t treat it as more than that. You don’t know each other.

Being intimate with someone is always a vulnerable experience. Sometimes this vulnerability pays off and sometimes it does not. This encouner may have been fine for portions but overall negative. When something like this happens its best to learn from any mistakes (if there was any) and understand that sometimes we take a risk and it doesn’t work out. You may learn that you hate staying over at someone’s place. There is nothing wrong with doing something that isn’t in your character. You don’t know what is in your character unless you try something different.

You can try to continue to chat with him but that might not work. He might be embarassed that he couldn’t stay hard or could be million different reasons. At some point you will need to cut your losses and stop responding but that depends on you. We are all human and make mistakes and you should treat someone how you want to be treated.

My one real piece of advice is if you see him again at your professional organization is to act cool, professional and friendly. Its a sign of real maturity and a good life skill to practice being around people who you might feel awkward around. Also you don’t want someone to take something valuable from you (in this case the org). You shouldn’t feel ashamed for what you did because this is something that happens between two consenting adults. You did nothing wrong and should be ashamed for it

I wouldn’t give someone I barely know a second or third chance after being told to get out and then ghosted. If he doesn’t respect you, that’s an absolute dealbreaker, in my opinion.

On the part about “get out”, I saw he could have been dreaming or sleeptalking and I wanted to say that too. I’m told I talk in my sleep. Talk is an understatement. I’m told I say extremely hurtful, offensive, vicious things in my sleep, often directed towards people who I have no ill feelings against. I’m talking about cussing, insulting their personality traits, going down deeply psychological analysis of them, using words an phrases that aren’t common (as in rarely used, often intellectual words) screaming, punching and kicking in the air as if I were fighting them, all sorts of stuff very out of character of me.

I try to warn people about it if I’m planning on sleeping around them but even with a heads up, people usually aren’t prepared for the things I’m told I say. I didn’t even know I did it for a very long time, then after one friend had a serious talk with me about it and I shared the conversation with family members did I learn that it is a very common thing for me to do and I’ve been doing ever since I could first speak.

Maybe it’s some sort of mental illness or repression or something but for the most part, the people I’m told I scream at when I’m asleep are people I deeply care about and never does my conscious mind ever have these thoughts or an urge to scream at anyone.

So it could be a red flag that the guy said “get out” but it still could be a sleep talking thing that he doesn’t even know he does. I would bring it up with him directly in a non-confrontational but still serious manner. Ask him if he remembers doing it and what it meant. How he responds should help you decide if he is worth pursuing.

As for the ghosting, I’ve always used a ‘three strikes and your out’ rule. Things come up, I get it. If they come up a lot, they’re out of my life.

Let it go and move on. You have no attachments, continue on at the organization as if nothing happened… be cordial but don’t acknowledge your embarrassment. That’s it. Nothing more needs to come of this, it was a botched one night stand.

Personally I think hookups are supposed to make you depressed, god’s way of forcing you to develop “speed wooing” abilities (which I will explain for $24.99 inquiries at xmpp:shadowbannedfrommcdonalds). They’re almost indistinguishable—to an outsider, that is.

Maybe I’m just naive but I personally no matter how little I know a person would “ghost” someone especially if there is some open thread.

I don’t know the full context of your social situation or how your friends work. But given what little I know I’d just take this a learning experience and move on. I doubt in the long haul it will look bad on you. If anything look poorly on the other person.

You seem like you care about relationships and people. Someone one better will certainly come along.

Regardless, best of luck with everything.

Firstly, if you have friends or family who know you who you trust with these matters, definitely speak to them and value their opinions over those of internet strangers. As a second option, a therapist is trained and obligated to have your best interests in mind.

If you’re looking for a relationship, then you deserve someone who is fully into you, not a guy who will hook up and flirt and not much else. The two options are “fuck yes” or “fuck no”, and not something in between. Given the story so far, there’s nothing that really indicates this guy is looking for any kind of real relationship. Even if you want one, you can’t convince him or nudge him into wanting one and worrying about him will ultimately just waste your time, which is valuable even if you don’t think it is.

Also, his actions are not a reflection on you, they’re a better indication of where he’s at than anything else. People are in all kinds of places in their sexual and romantic lives and those places won’t always make sense or work with where you’re at. I don’t think there’s any value in blaming yourself for hooking up with an attractive guy or for catching feelings – it’s part of who we are as people and it doesn’t make you weak or naive. The fact that you are asking yourself these questions instead of blindly thinking of this guy as your “new boyfriend” shows that, deep down, you can tell that he’s not taking this seriously.

Be patient with yourself. Find someone who is willing to show that they want to be with you. You’ll get there in time.

I just feel old and stupid. I naively thought there could be something this time but they are all the same. I hate that I fell for it and couldn’t control myself.

I mean, what’s past is past. Absolutely no reason to feel bad because of a drunken hook-up. The stringing-along and ghosting seems more like a him problem than a you problem. More likely than not, this guy is just as insecure and flaky as he appears in hindsight.

It fucking sucks that we’ve got so many lemons in the dating pool. Your story is one I’ve heard a dozen different women of all different ages and experiences reiterate. A guy turns on the charm, you get swept off your feet, then he’s back to business as usual the next day and you realize he’s just a normal POS.

But we’ve got an urge for companionship, so we all keep putting ourselves out there. The struggle is real. Know that even if you’re lonely, you’re not alone. Lots of people feel this way and nothing you’re doing is bad or wrong, even if it feels frustrating.

One Night flings are rough precisely because you build a deep bond very quickly with someone who - in the long term - wasn’t going to work out. I’m not going to say “don’t do that” because people are horny and fucking is fun. But you can’t beat yourself up afterwards, because mixing guilt and horniness is miserable and ruins the fun part of fucking. Then you’re just left with this hollow urge divorced from the joy of sex.

I can say that finding love among friends (at least in my experience) tends to be more fruitful than trying to find friendship among lovers. Dragging someone out on a date a few times isn’t just about counting the encounters before hooking up, it’s about building a list of things you like to do together that you can do when you’re not naked.

And sometimes just going out and doing things you like to do, and meeting other people who do things you like to do, is the best way to find a long-term companion.

And if that’s going to parties and clubs - because you plan to keep clubbing straight through your retirement years - that’s great. But if you’re a golfer or a painter or a board game enthusiast or a mall rat, you gotta go find big groups of people doing this kind of thing and date from there. Cause the people you meet at bars are, more often than not, the kind of people who want to be at the bar for the rest of their lives.

He treates you badly and now you feel bad. Thats totally normal and okay. Now my suggestion would be to put a stop to this bad treatment of you blocking his private contact and staying professional at your org. That sends a clear enough message