This might be the best week of my life. I’ve been afraid of other people and of the future for as long as I can remember.

I’ve been working really hard at redecorating my interior and this week I finally hit a huge payoff — real agency in shaping my own perceptions. I can be present and look forward to the future in a real, meaningful way.

I had a great job interview, wonderful times with friends, and positive connections with strangers.

I’ve moved from “what if something bad happens or what if I fuck up?” To “what if I tried this and what if tomorrow is my new best day?”

Also, it turns out one can totally pick their gender, birthday, and family. It’s a good life and I’m happy to finally be open to the experience of that.

Broadly fine, though sometimes it’s feeling like the dog in the burning house…

My oldest (4.5) is proving to be extremely difficult right now at daycare with hitting others and they’ve been sent home twice now for being to disruptive at nap time (like running around and not settling down, keeping everyone up). Even when there’s no obvious trigger, just something strikes them the wrong way and it just spirals out of control. It’s taking quite the psychic toll on my wife and I right now dealing with what is essentially a “PIP” for our child. Youngest is just getting super cute and more talkative every day (turns 2 on Thursday). And we realized we’re like 60d away from #3 being here which has sent us into panic nesting mode.

I’m separating. Staying with family along my teenage child right now.

I’ve come out as bi to everyone that matters which is a relief. My child is trans, she’s a girl amab but struggling to take the next steps. I’m the only who she’s confided in which I’m immensely grateful although I wish I knew how to help her more. She’s got an appointment with a psychologist that seems good with gender affirmation so I’m really looking forward to that.

We’re both really broken from the toxic dynamic that was going on at home and I feel like we’ve yet to grasp the extent of the damage. Walking on eggs. The anxiety is reaching bearable levels. Please send good vibes for my girl.

Pretty good! I turned 30, I went out for various meals and activities with friends and family, my wife and I saw Getdown Services in Boston last night which was an awesome time, and next week I’m taking a week-long vacation.

Great so far. Solo parenting and emptying our flat to get ready to leave is…exhausting…but I got good weightlifting progression, which is nice.

105kg bench, 175kg deadlift, and 125kg squat. Not bad for over 40!

Writing again and more often over at my substack, but i feel the quality suffered when I moved to weekly rather than bi-weekly. So I will move back shortly.

I got my first full time job interview tomorrow! I’ve been applying to jobs slowly, but I currently have an advantage in my design cohort because my portfolio site is basically done.

I also somehow connected with folks in my college town that are from the old guard of design. He told me to relax and that I’ll be fine, haha (☍◡⁰) and then gave me his designer friend’s contact— his friend has connections throughout the community.

I’m conflicted about graduating. But also, I want my hobby time back. Excited, scared, and confused!

The rollercoaster continues. I had a great Church Night yesterday (including a friend bringing a ladder over to my van to get the roof vent back on its track), but today was less stellar. Had a consult for replacement dentures, and after a full-panel X-ray, he determined that there was enough bone loss that he didn’t feel comfortable designing a set that he could reasonably claim would fit for very long. I now have an consult with a prosthodontist scheduled for Monday. I suppose in the medical world, “next business day” is pretty rapid, but costs are going to spike, especially as I’ll now need to take a Lyft to the appointment instead of today’s bus rides, and there will be subsequent appointments if they decide to take me on, so that’s going to be a lot of rideshare money in addition to the $200 for both consults.

My week was busy until it got supercharged with an ask from another office to drive almost 5 hours one way to emcee two different events, in two cities on the same day. I’m nervous, excited, and exhausted from having so much work already, but even though I was volun-told, this is what I signed up for. At least I had 4 days notice this time. I just wish I could travel with someone instead of alone.

My best friend’s birthday was this past week. He’s been gone for almost a year and a half now, and it’s still weird not being able to feel his energy.

And, the leader of a nation now has my cell phone number… but he asked nicely so I couldn’t deny the request. My boss said he would definitely call me, and I’m not sure how to feel about that.