Or is there always some nagging feeling & angst about things you wish for & you’re not sure how to achieve them?
My wife of 30 years died a few months ago and I’m having to adjust to life without her.
Life is freakin weird now … I feel like some kind of ghost that doesn’t exist … I feel like a big part of my life died with her and at the same time I feel like I’m alive but not fully … I’m alive but not fully … I feel like part of me disappeared but I didn’t die … quite honestly, sometimes I feel like a ghost that didn’t fully cross over and I’m stuck in this life until I can move on.
I have a ton of supports, family and friends, work and things to do and I keep very busy with stuff … but all of it just doesn’t mean much to me any more.
And family and friends keep telling me I have all the freedom in the world to do whatever I want … but you know what? … life is no longer enjoyable when you don’t have the person you want to share everything with. I had so many plans and things I really, really wanted to do … but now it’s all meaningless and pointless … I have no real enjoyment for many things any more. Even turning on the TV to watch something, anything no longer really thrills me and I watch something for a few minutes, my mind wanders and I have to go do something else. I go online and it’s the same thing, I read part of something and I have to move on to the next thing … I play video games and I can’t concentrate on it for too long.
About the only thing left to me now is riding my motorcycle but I can’t even do that because the weather is still too cold here in northern Ontario … so I can’t even enjoy that.
And in the meantime, I have to watch the world burn … life is just very strange for me at the moment.
Sorry about your loss.
Hey, did you know you get to send your deceased love one a letter once your life comes to an end? You can write about how much you have enjoyed your life when you were together, and your life later without her. How you accepted, how you coped, how you overcame. I’m sure you don’t want her to know that you lived an extremely terrible life afterwards, right? Definitely not good, but not too bad. You can’t end your life early just to send that letter, for the obvious reason!🙂
Like life has lost all it’s color? Everything is now in grayscale?
Might as well be … you have no idea of the sadness I feel. I am completely normal, I go about my work and I do the things I always did before … on the outside everything is perfectly normal. Unfortunately, my mind, my thoughts and my perception of the world has changed … I no longer feel the same sense of joy and happiness of doing things … I always go back to thinking of the person I lost and how she is not here any more … it’s pervasive and deep. I feel like someone has draped a big heavy wet blanket over me and it hangs on me all the time. And yes … the colors of the world don’t seem to be as bright any more … they don’t fill me with the same awe and happiness they once did. They do cheer me up but it’s like lighting a tiny candle in a deep dark cave.
I’ve lost lots of people in my life … my brother, my aunts and uncles … friends from my age group, friends who were older, friends who were younger … my grandparents … both my parents … and I’ve handled all those with a lot acceptance and understanding … I lived through them with my wife who supported me through all of it … but this … this is like having your soul removed and you feel like you are operating your body like an empty vessel. Life feels very mechanical now … I go about doing things like I always did but everything is without meaning now and I constantly wonder why I am doing anything.
My wife had a huge cancer scare. It turned out not to be, but while that word was laying on the table, I could no longer hear snare drums. Vibrant colors turned to gray. I was tone deaf with music. You’re right, I don’t know how sad you feel, but I have an idea of what I would experience. Nothing and no one can prepare you for just how awful the whole thing is.
Enjoy and celebrate any time you have together now, for as long as possible and as much as possible, if you get mad at one another, screw it all, apologize and talk and work through it as quickly as possible … because in the end, it feels like no time has passed at all.
I’m sorry for your loss.
I would feel the same way if I lost my wife.
Enjoy every moment with her. There will be times of differences, arguments and disagreements … work your way through them and if there is ever any bad feeling, always go back and apologize … none of it matters. The greatest things that hurt the most right now are the memories of how I wanted to win arguments and got angry and mad over some stupid things. No relationship is ever perfect, you will miss out on things you like or want to do … but the same will be true for her … both of you will lose on certain things because you both want to be together. That is all within reason too … if either one of you is outright abusing or taking advantage of the other and the relationship is completely lopsided, then you got to leave that situation. Otherwise … shrug off any bad feelings, always go back and talk through them, no one is keeping score or racking up points … because in the end, all you will ever miss is being with that person whether in good times or in bad.
Enjoy whatever time you have together because if you think you have years or decades to be together … in the end, no matter how long it lasted, it feels like no time has gone by at all.
The US oligarchs are not suffering enough.
Not perfectly, but I had a vision for where I wanted to be, and I more or less got there. I chose a reasonable short-term, stepping stone goal. I didn’t become brilliant, attractive, competent, or overcome my flaws. But like, I’m still here, and my life has marginally improved.
It’s not perfect, but I’ve got quite a few of the things I wanted to have when I was imagining the future back then.
I’ve got a partner that I trust and love, I do the job that I wanted to be doing, albeit not the perfect company or the most satisfying position, I’m still in touch with the friends I wanted to keep (and happily not in touch with some of the rest), I’m no longer living with my parents and have two cats that are the perfect little creatures for company.
Some things could be better, many of them completely out of my control. My current goal is to just make my lifestyle healthier, I’m too sleepy all the time because of staying late trying to regain the time lost doing the boring adult things, and I get exhausted and out of breath extremely easily.
Yes.
Except of course for the world falling apart, my country descending into fascism and impending climate diaster.
But for me personally, things are entirely chill.
Sometimes being lonely hits like a truck. But it passes like grief that’s a few years old. Everything else is okayish. Have overcome the major life hurdles. Can’t complain.
I agree loneliness is killing me but everything else is keeping me alive like work & the money that comes from working even though work is torture, I’m in so much pain, but if I keep doing everything right, my reward is indulging in my exhilarating hobbies.
Epsom salts! …j/k :p
Well it WAS until you brought it up! >:(
Home life is great. I love my kids and my partner and they’re all amazing.
but I’m currently taken out of this feeling by stress and anxiety about work. To the point that my partner is concerned about my health. it’s really not good.
I kinda broke into laughter when reading your question, at the absurdity of the idea. So that’s probably a no.
However, I’m doing better than I have been for a while, and am capable of laughter, so it’s not all bad.
However… capable of laughter
Proud of the strength of your optimism my king
I manage the things that cause me angst.
But here is the deal. I don’t want to work, but because of a combination of necessity and desire I have to work.
its alright, no major problems maybe could be better in some ways but could be a lot worse
World isn’t black or white. Both of your alternatives are extremes I don’t think in.
Next to nothing is the way I want it to be, since I’m a perfectionist. But I don’t have a nagging feeling or angst, I just accept the world isn’t perfect most of the time.
This is largely how I feel, but I’m not a perfectionist, by any means. I used to be; my mental health vastly improved once I realized that people I can’t control are inevitably going to make life worse for everyone, until the larger public develops the will to make the necessary sacrifices to rein it in, and it’s looking less and less likely to happen during my lifetime; and that my personal best may be better or worse yesterday and tomorrow than it is today, due to a plethora of variables, some within my control, most outside of my control. I just try to be my best today, and let any competition be mostly with myself.
❌ everything the way I want it
✅ comfortable
✅ no angst
🤷♀️ no nagging feeling
🤷♀️ sure how to achieve goalsI’m transgender and live in the UK, so no
First ignoring everything outside my direct control.
Still no, but I know what I want in my personal life and I see the path to get there. If the world doesn’t fall into chaos first. It’ll just take time, but what better use of my youth? If the past few years have taught me anything, it’s that trying to get there too fast will wreck my mind and body.
I think a lot of it now comes down to having a ‘Platonic ideal’ for myself and not living up to it. Like strictly an internal matter, I’m fine with other people seeing me the way I am. Even if I lived in a secluded bunker, I’d still be bothered that my eating and sleeping habits suck, my time management needs work, my athleticism is lacking, I never finished learning German, and my screen usage is ruining my back and eyes.
Actually, that would be kind of nice. I’d like to think that if I could be minimally- or un-employed but still well-housed and well-fed for a year, I could finally take a breath and go fix everything that’s been nagging at me.
