Hey everyone~~
oh no, it’s been two months since I’ve posted anything around here, when I was looking for help. Seems like I’m way less interested in being terminally online when I’m living my best life.
So just a quick catch up: Been wearing skirts out pretty much exclusively and am loving it. Strangers have been less derogatory than I expected, I can still count the vocally bad encounters on my fingers. Something I didn’t consider for a second in the anxiety around this I’ve had before - there’s also people who just treat me better, warmer than I’m used to. Mostly women, actually.
Thanks to your kind advice I took more control over my journey, which felt incredibly good, mostly. Was lucky enough to find a gynecologist who gave me a private prescription of my first estradiol gel following informed consent, more or less. Dosage is on the low end, planning on increasing next week and hopefully adding some blockers into the mix.
Also contacted some more therapists and found someone very kind, who sent me the written indication I need to get access to HRT through health care. It got lost in the mail, though, second attempt should be out tomorrow x).
Last but not least, started a new job (software engineering, of course), which is exhausting, but also a pretty nice opportunity. That old trade-off, time or money, pick one - yikes. Had some downers lately as well, dysphoria is kicking in really bad at times, but I’ll manage.
Well, today was a very special day. I went to the local registry office and officially changed my name and gender. It took three months of waiting and now I own an updated birth certificate with my new name and identity.
Didn’t really expect this, but I can hardy describe how good that felt - I’ve had literal tears of joy. I’m not sure I ever had these, from laughing maybe, but not from pure, unadulterated joy. Such an amazing relief, to finally be able to do the paperwork to get rid of that old name.
One of my best friends accompanied me today, he was really sweet. He gave me a small rag doll and a lighter, explained that’s deadname and I shall burn him and bury him somewhere. Absolutely gonna do that :>
Well, that’s all for now, just had to shout this out somewhere.
Thanks for being here and being yourselves <3


Beautiful news, Eskarina. So happy for you!
Any relation to Eskarina Smith, born in the smithy of the village of Bad Ass on the Discworld?
Yep, that’s her. Not sure I can live up to her name, but I’ll try!
An excellent choice!