Oh absolutely, the technique is one I think I first learned about as part of helping folks who’ve spent too much time in spaces like /tttt/ and have on some level accepted the (false) idea that no trans people can possibly pass or are so deep in the “anti hugbox” portion of the trans community that they’re already about that toxic anyways.

When someone starts getting obsessed with the measuring tape it can be hard for a stranger to see where they are considering the dark holes some folks fall into. Sorry if I came off as besmirching your character.

It’s good to not let your nature accept meanness. You just gotta learn to treat yourself with the same kindness you want to show others. And yeah unfortunately our deepest insecurities, especially early on, can lead us to unthinkingly say some stuff that might hit each other.

And there is a nontoxic variant of the toxic trick. When you see a cis woman with a trait you dislike in yourself notice it and acknowledge that if she has that trait and doesn’t look too masculine for it maybe you don’t look too masculine either. Accept that women come in all shapes and sizes, yours included.