Marked as NSFW due to the content.
Suicide is complicated. I do not count myself as suicidal nor do I have any plans but I have had daily suicidal thoughts for the past year and some change. Over and over in the back of my head I think about it. To someone who never had frequent thoughts this would be a red flag but I disagree. I haven’t told a therapist(again) because it’s useless, and I dont want to go back on antidepressants because it’ll just make me good for working, which is the point I want to make.
Suicide prevention is so meaningless without a systematic solution. A hotline can be useful in some temporary cases but it will not help somebody with permanent problems nor does it help in anything material.
hotline: " I want to end it all" “No don’t do it you have a lot to live for” “Oh okay”
Talking to friends who don’t get suicidal thoughts might as well be the same as talking to a stranger who hands you the hotline.
Saying the wrong words to a therapist will get you put on a hold, which will not help you as you’re cutoff from being an autonomous person, plus you get thrown right back into whatever BS that got you in there in the first place.
So, what is to be done?
There needs to be something better for preventing suicide for people who are tired of hotlines. Being told there’s so much left to live for is tone deaf. I think suicidal thoughts are unmet contradiction, some underlying issue that cannot be solved under capitalism: child under abusive parental control, extreme loneliness or alienation, unfulfillng career in a declining job market, unmet mental health needs due to inaccessible Healthcare (and useless hotlines), etc.
We need to do better for the disabled and those facing mental health crises. Pop psychology gave us all the terminology with none of the follow through because all signs point back to capitalism and we have to dance around the truth to pretend it’s something else. I hope we can see some improvement in my lifetime
Hotline number posts always rubbed me the wrong way because they’re treated both like some kind of mythical cure all for people actually going through something, and also simultaneously a punchline in many contexts. On Reddit especially that shit would drive me up the wall because it’s impossible to call out without getting dogpiled. Cool, you just posted a list of 50 numbers where (in the US at least) if you call them while actually having an episode they’ll sick the cops on you for a “wellness check”, possibly take you to an involuntary stay mental health center that instantly puts you out $10k. The whole while everyone in this chain is patting themselves on the back for a job well done, absolving themselves of any perpetuation of harm because they were following the script.
It’s the only script. There is no way to respond to someone about to take their own life than to send armed goons to bust down their door, strip them of their dignity entirely, and put them into debt for the privilege. Bonus points if the cops just straight up kill them anyways. Good job boys, pack it up!
If you think the only thing stopping me from ending it all is a hotline then I have a bridge to sell you.
I’ve ironically only found solace with other suicidal people, maybe it’s not ethical but a hotline where the other person on the line is also suicidal could be useful. It beats out “it gets better” platitudes.
This reminds me of a time I was living in a bedsit in the UK when there was a knock on my door late at night. I opened it and it was about 10 armed police. It turned out they had the wrong door, they were looking for my neighbour. Her boyfriend had called them because she’d wandered off, threatening to harm herself. I’m sure being tasered by 10 armed police would make her feel so much better.