I am speaking mainly of occasions that necessitate gifts and other spendings. It’s especially hard when it’s someone you really care about and it’s a strange kind of psychological torment to struggle with making them feel appreciated and happy.
I would typically go with a “it’s the thought that counts” type thing. Hand made card is always a nice go to. Can even make a joke like “if I was rich I’d give you x but I hope this card is enough” type thing
i simply don’t participate
This is the one good thing about not having a social life any more. Buying gifts when you can barely feed yourself is a real struggle and many people aren’t understanding about it at all. Maybe do something for them instead, like if you have a little money maybe buy the ingredients and make them a nice meal. If you have no money at all, just make and write them a card explaining how much you care about them and how you’d like to buy them something but just can’t right now?
If I can’t make food as a gift I just have to nope out, nothing else I can do. Thankfully, I only have family to worry about.
I’ve been there. It’s hard, and it sucks. You can’t even admit it or else it brings the vibe down. You can’t be the one that cheaps out either. White elephant parties. Valet parking. Potlucks. Chipping in for office parties. Drinking at hotel bars. Your turn to buy the cake.
I usually just went “no thank you I can’t afford that shit” and refrained from the event, or bit the bullet and went all-in and had my wallet cry after. Pick your battles, so to speak.
In terms of gifts, baking can be cheap and extremely delicious.
Freshly baked sour dough bread can be an excellent gift. So can a little bottle of homemade spice blends, homegrown produce or even a basket of fruits, herbs, flowers etc.
I make things. I fix things they have that are broken. I make pastries or cakes (I went to school to be a pastry chef decades ago and even though I have it up right after school I still mostly have the skills) and occasionally hot food.
I have a small garage full of cheap tools so I make stuff. Cabinets, chairs, book shelves n shit. I’m fair at stick and oxy/ace welding so I’ve made shit for my dad and the couple of dude friends I have. I find shit on the side of the road and fix it and give it away. I’ve worked on cars for friends for their birthday, I rebuilt a transmission for my ex-wife for Christmas two years ago so she could sell her car.
Im also fortunate as to have a small friend group who is as poor as I am so they do a lot of the same shit for me so I sort of don’t need to fret about it I guess.
I’ve always been the dorky type who is not handy at all but it’s not too late to learn. I’ll look into that.
You don’t necessarily have to go the Mr-fix-it route. I’m a dumbass but I can turn wrenches so I play to my strengths. Play to yours if you can.
I’ve come to realize that writing letters is a beautiful way of congratulating people on birthdays and other occasions. I’m not very handy, so I don’t feel competent enough to make something. But writing is something I know I can do, so I use that skill to convey to those I care about just how much they mean to me and all the things I wish for them. It’s not a present in the typical sense, but I’ve learned friends and family appreciate (handwritten) notes.
That’s a nice idea but sadly doesn’t work for all occasions and with all people. I’d love to receive a letter but most people I know would find that odd. It could be a cultural thing too. I am Moroccan and most people here don’t appreciate symbolic gestures. In weddings for example it’s customary to even put a sum of money in an envelop and put your name on it to give it to the couple.
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