Now that I’m able to go back out a bit, I feel really embarrassed because I look rough as hell. My hair is falling out, I’ve got bad oedema so I’m swollen and puffy, my skin is destroyed, all red and covered in eczema and various infections. Yesterday in the supermarket I got mistaken for a man, and it’s not even the first time it has happened. A little kid was blocking my path and her mum said, “Mind out of the way, a man is trying to get past.” I’ve had a shop attendant previously say “here you go, sir,” when handing me my item. I’ve had random strangers loudly make fun of the way I walk (I have problems walking since having a stroke) and an older couple even laughed and made fun of me after one of my foot surgeries because I was wearing plastic shoe cover bags on my feet instead of shoes.
I just feel so embarrassed going out at all but I hate being stuck indoors.
I’m not entirely sure how I got here, but at a certain point I realized that there’s a circle of maybe 15-20 close friends and family etc whose opinions of me actually mean something because they know or have known me to some extent, then there’s a constellation of people I kinda/sorta/used to know whose opinions of me I might have some varying level of curiosity about, but that I don’t take as seriously…and no one else’s take really matters.
not using / limiting exposure to social media (which enhances / preys upon our urges to compare ourselves to others + fosters negative self-image etc) can’t hurt