This week was…intense, to say the least. Me and my boyfriend had a fight…
I started it. It was completely my fault. Basically I felt like I wasn’t getting enough time alone, despite my bf being at work every day. And also the frustration from my sex life basically boiled over…

NSFW

I spend way too much time preparing and I can never, ever reach orgasm during partnered sex. I haven’t been able to for more than a year. But that frustration builds up. Even though I can do it by myself, I started to really miss having orgasms with the person I love…

…and so I said some things. Some nasty things that I didn’t mean, things I still regret saying. And then, I basically packed my stuff…and left. I took a train to my dad’s house and wanted to take a break from my bf there. My bf agreed and, of course, my dad is always fine with me being over, so it seemed good.
But…as night came, I started to miss him. Not his voice, not his words, not his tool (well, all of those things too 😆)…just him as a person. And of course, E has made me crave touch and affection, so all in all, I felt like absolute shit…crying, hating myself for leaving him, curling up on the couch by myself, a dysphoric little ball of sadness.

And so, the next day, the only thing I could think about was him. I literally could not spend another night by myself, so after talking to him, I came back home to him…
We hugged, we cried together, we both apologized. And, of course, we made up…and out, lol.
I briefly excused myself to go do my thing in the bathroom, and when I came back, we continued kissing…

NSFW

God, I missed him…
As a person, of course, but…his body, his smell, his touch all over my body…his magnificent cock. Oh god…

My boobs have gotten even more sensitive. When he touches them, massages them and plays with my nipples…it makes me squeal. God, it’s actually heaven ❤️
And when I surrender control to him, when I expose my body to him and let him have me, that’s probably when I feel my absolute best.

On the bed, him pushing my face into the pillow while I stick my butt out at him…I think he likes it too 😄. He’s gotten surprisingly good at sensing just how rough I want it. And he did not disappoint…
His physical job has made him much stronger. No doubt about that. So when he’s fucking me from behind, squeezing my ass, roughly pulling my hips back and forth, pushing my face down with his big, strong hands…oh god. It’s the best feeling ever. To completely submit to the man I love. To be completely and utterly his. To let him do anything he wants to me, to be his toy, to let him use me with loving and passionate force…that’s what makes me feel alive ❤️.
When he leans down and whispers into my ear, about how good I smell or how good I look. When he calls me his little slut, his good girl, while all I can do is make incoherent sounds while taking it and trying not to drool all over the pillow…oh my fucking god, I love it when he does that to me 💜
I like sex from behind, and not just because of the power dynamic. I can feel all of him so freaking well. If I ever did anything correctly…it was getting him to switch to vaping. He was alright before, but now…he’s big. And thick. And hot, hard and…fuck. I love him inside me. I love his cock so much ❤️. The smell, the taste, the shape, his reactions when I tease him, I love feeling him tense up inside me…
And when he’s ready to finish and presses me even tighter into the bed, when I feel him pulse inside of me…when he buries himself deep inside me and I can feel him explode…that’s when I feel completely his. I feel marked by him, my body belongs to him and so does my heart.
I know we can’t have kids…I know that. And yet I can’t shake these thoughts. The thoughts of being his wife, having our own family together…the thoughts of being a mom. We’ll never stop trying. One day, he’ll get me pregnant. One day, surely…
And when he pulls out and we both collapse onto each other. And we kiss and hug some more, basking in the afterglow of our wild round of sex. When he’s lying next to me, massaging my boobs (again). When he’s all sweaty and I push up to him to smell him…god he smells amazing.

And then we go back to our daily life. As if we weren’t just doing the lewdest things together. We cook together, play games, talk to each other…until we’re both ready for another round, of course 🩷

Running away was the dumbest thing I could have done. I’ve always been a bit moody, but I think HRT has had some effect on this as well. I think I could describe myself as emotional…probably. And so, sometimes I do stupid things…
I won’t be mean to him. I won’t run from him. I’m his, I belong to him. Wherever he is, that’s where I belong as well ❤️

Relationship drama arc: over 😆

  • Sophienomenal@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    2·
    10 hours ago

    Thanks! And yeah, I live at her place practically half the time (up to 3 days/week) bc she’s a 40 mile drive away, and I just wanna get enough time to see her. Long distance is so much easier when u get to spend so much time with and fuck each other every week! Plus, we go out to a bar on Tuesdays and will often end up talking up other couples or polycules to have some fun with 😈. Apparently monogamy is a kink in Seattle lmao

    Hope you enjoy, too!~ ❤️

    • AnxiousMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zoneOPEnglish
      2·
      8 hours ago

      Long distance is so much easier when u get to spend so much time with and fuck each other every week!

      I believe that, that sounds lovely, super happy for you two 💜

      Plus, we go out to a bar on Tuesdays and will often end up talking up other couples or polycules to have some fun with 😈

      Waow 👀
      Actually really jealous…

      NSFW

      I’ve gotten permission from by boyfriend…my dirty little dream has always been to be in the middle of a gangbang with like 5-10 men. After long discussions, he actually agreed…but I can’t find any people 😭. The people here (or at least, the ones you can find online, Reddit for example) are super conservative and cisnormative and they’re no fun at all.
      This might have been obvious, but…finding people willing to get to know you, get tested for STDs and then have sex with you, along with many other people are so hard to find. And it’s not like I can just walk into a bar and just pick up guys…I’d probably get beaten up 😭
      And also I just totally don’t have the looks to even attract people to want to fuck me…so, all in all, I’ve been very unsuccessful so far.
      sigh
      But I’m not giving up! I’m making my dream come true 😈

      I’m oversharing way too freaking much, but I personally find polygamy really fascinating and I’d like to at least experience it during my lifetime…
      You two have fun!~ ❤️

      • Sophienomenal@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
        1·
        7 hours ago

        It is fun! Honestly I thought I was monogamous until I started a friends with benefits kinda thing with my (now) gf and we ended up having a foursome the following week, followed by me having sex with another member of the polycule we went home with lol. We have romantic exclusivity, but sex is open as long as we communicate and make sure everyone is tested and safe. I suppose I have it easier bc I get to go to Seattle and go out to doll’s night where there are a ton of horny, polyamorous trans girls (and enby folks), and I got blessed with a pretty lucky face, and (I don’t see it but…) an okayish body? Granted, Ive also been on HRT for almost 2 years, and have some things to show for it hehe~.

        I’ve also started to learn how to talk to people at bars (at least other trans girls), so I’m reaching the point where I can kinda pick who I go home with, which is super exciting. I went from no sex for…9ish years? To being a complete slut lmao