I think the biggest problem is that people go straight to trying to flirt or hit on someone… We’ve spent too much time on Tinder where it is sending as many one-liner pick-up style openers that people start to think that is a normal way for an interaction out in the world to go. Generally, the majority has forgotten how to talk to people face to face in real life in a normal and appropriate manner.
Also, if they are now married with children, I have to assume they met a few years ago and at least possibly, maybe even likely, it happened before the shit hit the fan like it has now. The dating world has been rapidly changing over the last few years.
If consenting adults are meeting one another in a public space
“Consent” is a problem when men try to hit on women using headphones, or when people don’t get the hint that you really don’t want to have a conversation with strangers.
But that’s more an issue of modern society’s overall problem with lack of courtesy, not a specific problem when it comes to trying to find a girlfriend of boyfriend.
It sounds like the way those people act would be a big problem anywhere, and they probably wouldn’t abide by any new etiquette rules unless the gym was ready to lose money by throwing them out. And even in that case, they could just follow their target to the parking lot which would probably be even more uncomfortable and scary.
People SHOULD be safe from harassment no matter where they are. But I think any place that brings people together is going to eventually create some relationships.
Sounds like what you propose is some common sense for the ones trying to hit on someone who’s not interested. And I would say that would make sense everywhere, not only in the gym
That’s the thing, you never could know. Back in the old days you would ask things like “hey you wanna maybe go out sometime” but now since that itself is an affront for which you can be publicly shamed without needing to be pushy or make unwanted physical contact, the only places acceptable to meet people are the bars and apps. I think the only way to fix it is to either create new public spaces centered around dating that don’t center around alcohol, or to culturally shift back a little from “it isn’t ok to ask a woman out anywhere but the bar” to “asking people out is ok as long as you take no for an answer the first time and don’t push, and don’t touch 'em.”
Also you bring up an interesting point: consent to being talked to. If one needs to give consent to be talked to, and one cannot give consent under the influence of alcohol, then one cannot be spoken to while drinking, therefore I deduce the bar is the most inappropriate place to meet women and the gym is leagues more appropriate since everyone is mostly sober there. Watson! Get my gym shorts! (Yes this part was a joke, I hope the Sherlock Holmes reference was a clue to that.)
On the contrary, I have two real life friend couples who met at the gym and are now married with children.
If consenting adults are meeting one another in a public space, they should be free to approach each other.
I think the biggest problem is that people go straight to trying to flirt or hit on someone… We’ve spent too much time on Tinder where it is sending as many one-liner pick-up style openers that people start to think that is a normal way for an interaction out in the world to go. Generally, the majority has forgotten how to talk to people face to face in real life in a normal and appropriate manner.
Also, if they are now married with children, I have to assume they met a few years ago and at least possibly, maybe even likely, it happened before the shit hit the fan like it has now. The dating world has been rapidly changing over the last few years.
“Consent” is a problem when men try to hit on women using headphones, or when people don’t get the hint that you really don’t want to have a conversation with strangers.
But that’s more an issue of modern society’s overall problem with lack of courtesy, not a specific problem when it comes to trying to find a girlfriend of boyfriend.
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It sounds like the way those people act would be a big problem anywhere, and they probably wouldn’t abide by any new etiquette rules unless the gym was ready to lose money by throwing them out. And even in that case, they could just follow their target to the parking lot which would probably be even more uncomfortable and scary.
People SHOULD be safe from harassment no matter where they are. But I think any place that brings people together is going to eventually create some relationships.
Sounds like what you propose is some common sense for the ones trying to hit on someone who’s not interested. And I would say that would make sense everywhere, not only in the gym
Yeah, just don’t bother people wearing headphones period. If they wanted to be bothered, they wouldn’t be wearing headphones.
What if you want to listen to your own playlist or podcast, but also wouldn’t mind conversing should the opportunity arise?
I don’t agree that headphones should automatically include antisocial implications.
You can’t have it both ways. Wearing headphones is a pretty universal signal that you don’t want to be bothered.
I used to shift one headphone off ear to indicate that I’m ok to talk
Ok, but how do I know if she ‘consents’ to being approached before talking to her?
That’s the thing, you never could know. Back in the old days you would ask things like “hey you wanna maybe go out sometime” but now since that itself is an affront for which you can be publicly shamed without needing to be pushy or make unwanted physical contact, the only places acceptable to meet people are the bars and apps. I think the only way to fix it is to either create new public spaces centered around dating that don’t center around alcohol, or to culturally shift back a little from “it isn’t ok to ask a woman out anywhere but the bar” to “asking people out is ok as long as you take no for an answer the first time and don’t push, and don’t touch 'em.”
Also you bring up an interesting point: consent to being talked to. If one needs to give consent to be talked to, and one cannot give consent under the influence of alcohol, then one cannot be spoken to while drinking, therefore I deduce the bar is the most inappropriate place to meet women and the gym is leagues more appropriate since everyone is mostly sober there. Watson! Get my gym shorts! (Yes this part was a joke, I hope the Sherlock Holmes reference was a clue to that.)