R as ret ar ded.
I’m from Balkans and I think there’s no swearing anywhere in the world like in Balkans. We use slurs A LOT and pretty casually, so I am always surprised when I am censored on some word online.
It happened just now. The R word was removed from my comment, so I wanted to find out what’s going on with it.
Since I talk to people from all around the world, I don’t want to be an ignorant fool and I want to learn why it isn’t ok to say something, so I can implement it without the feeling I’m being deprived of free speech.
Again, take in consideration the Balkan thing if you think I’m trolling with this post. I’m not. I swear to you, the shit we’re able to say are insane and we really think it’s no big deal.
So, when did R word became a slur and why it’s not ok to call someone R word as an insult?
Thank you for the education. A human learns while grows and until dies.
EDIT: You’re really nice community and I am really thankful you’ve explained this to me. As I said, I can be a Slow Poke sometimes and growing where I grew, some shit has just stuck as normal and I am glad to unlearn it. My heart is leftist, but I grew up as a Catholic in the midst of the war where we learned a lot of hateful stuff as a normal part of identity. I want to fuck it off from me, so thanks, really.
Oh, f slur is here pretty common when you want to say that someone is a lousy person. Even my gay friends use it. I’m telling you, Balkans is a really wild place and growing up here as old millennial as well and now being social only online among different people and different generations, I’ve started to think about the way we use words. And yeah, my first reaction is “you don’t get to tell me how to speak” until I realize that it really isn’t ok to say it and sometimes I really need an explanation to understand it and stop doing it. Call me stupid, I won’t get offended because I really can be stupid sometimes, that’s why I asked this.
I think I have a rule of thumb that you might find useful. I have this thing where I never want to denigrate anybody for working hard. As if to say work ethic is a virtue in the same way that honesty, trustworthiness, and generosity are. Now, if somebody worked their ass off to lose 100lbs and your reply is “lmao, but you’re still as ugly as cowshit” they’re going to feel really bad about it. I’d much sooner say “congratulations on your success!” because it sucks to work that hard without anybody acknowledging it.
You can apply the same concept to racism. You work for 10,000 hours to become a lawyer, you show up well kempt in your suit with a briefcase full of evidence and the judge just calls you the n word. You’d be all “goddammit, does all my effort mean nothing to you? I could be the fucking president of the US elected by popular vote and it wouldn’t matter to you bastards.” It would be mega frustrating.
Therefore, say you’re mentally or physically impaired. You want to make a name for yourself. You work your ass off day in and day out. You send in your resume to a company. They then turn around and go “I should be allowed to pay you less than minimum wage because, out of the kindness of my heart, I’ve decided to make this otherwise useless pile of flesh into something that can contribute to society.” You, frustrated and dejected, talk to your friend about it. You hear some implicit agreement with that would-be employer when they go “Yeah, you’re a R-word, what did you expect?” That’s sort of what it is; an implicit agreement that your effort is worth less because of something you can’t control.
It’s simple enough here on hexbear - you can’t use that word because the admins and mods say you can’t. Whatever. But what I challenge you to do is not go around thinking “I can’t use that word because I’m not supposed to” but instead think “I want to show solidarity with those people who want to make a name for themselves by not putting them down.”
Well, that’s the reason why I asked. I mean, when we learn why something is bad, when we learn the other perspective, then we try not to do/say it anymore because when something gains weight and you continue to do/say it anyways, then you’re a prick. If I don’t have understanding behind a rule, I can only imply it because I was told not to and I personally don’t like that. I like to learn and be mindful of why I can’t do or say something. In the end, if we don’t do or say something because it’s forbidden, it doesn’t accomplish anything. Knowing why it’s forbidden is how we eliminate those bad patterns of expressing and evolve as better people. At least I believe that.
Not saying it’s the case for this conversation, plenty of people willing to explain and teach, but sometimes someone will ask you to not use a term, and refuse to explain because it is emotionally exhausting to explain and relive your trauma to people who don’t understand why hearing people say something hurts you.
If you ever find yourself in this situation, try to exercise some empathy and just don’t use the word, instead of insisting on understanding why you can’t use it.
I say this because I’ve seen it happen in front of me irl and it’s pretty shit. Also online it can be interpreted as sealioning, which yknow, not great.