Psychedelics

My life is almost a total failure. I am in my 20s

Your life has barely started. It can’t be a failure when it’s barely begun. You spend 18 years with no real control over yourself or your trajectory, then you finally begin to make a few relevant decisions for yourself. Even if you’re 29, you really only start your life when you’re 19-20. That’s 10 years out of 50+, assuming you live to be at least 70. You have only lived a small fraction of your life.

I won’t pretend to know the unique challenges you’re facing, the difficulities of finding work in your region/with your degree, or the social/economic struggles you’re facing because I am so far divorced from your life that any direct discussion is so meaningless. I would never have the relevant information and context, so I can’t suggest what you should do in a tangible way. What I can say, is this: find what you want to measure your life in, and work towards that. If you value your life through work and wealth, I can understand why you’d feel the way you do, but there far more ways to be prosperous, and things you can focus on.

A healthy dose of positive nihilism would do you wonders: each and every one of us is so tiny, so insignificant, that the difference between a “successful” and “unsuccessful” life in the terms you’ve defined literally do not matter. You and Elon Musk will both die and decompose, and regardless of either of your impact on the world, this rock we’re riding around the sun will continue to support life for a time, and one day everything humanity has ever conceived will be dust, and our sun will explode, and the universe won’t care if you lived with your parents or owned a mansion. The only things that matter are the things we, individually, give meaning to. If you choose to find meaning and value in creating art then your work has meaning and value. If you choose to find meaning and value in helping others find joy and happiness, then dedicate yourself to your friends, your family and your community, because that has meaning and value. If you want to experience the world through literature and media, then engaging with that material has meaning and value. No one else can define what matters to you in this world, because they’re not you.

I’m sorry that what you’ve spent time and energy on isn’t panning out for you. I really, truly am. But step back, and think about if those things matter to you because they matter to you, or because everyone else has told you it’s what a successful, prosperous life looks like. Then consider what your version of a good and meaningful is, and chase that. Many people waste 10, 15, 20+ years on things that they ultimately realize don’t bring them joy. In a way, you’re lucky to have found out sometime in your 20s that what you’ve been working on isn’t leading you where you want to be. It took me until 33.

I’m sitting in the dark

Do you spend a lot of time in the dark? How much natural sunlight do you get?

I ask because I have felt like what you describe. Vitamin D deficiency might be a contributing factor. Supplements might help but the best thing is to spend time outside for 3 hours per week minimum, preferably in a natural setting away from gas powered vehicles.

doing nothing right now.

Start doing something. Anything. Move your body. It can be as simple as walking for 30 minutes a day. You can get your sunlight while you do it. It’s fine if it is cloudy, it is not as good if you are indoors, even if there are windows. Exercise will get your blood moving. The hormones which regulate your mood might be malfunction or waste could be getting built up in your brain and causing depression. Get your heartrate up, let the blood carry waste out.

My college degree(computer engineering) got me nowhere.

Does your degree have legs? Is it supposed to carry you around? No, of course not. I think. I don’t actually have a degree. If I had one, I would be taking it to places. Especially places that have a use for it. Are there no jobs where a computer engineering degree is needed near you? These days even small businesses need an IT person. If there are none, start your own. I do not know what starting a business entails in Cambodia but it may be simpler than you realize. Start a computer repair shop. Offer to recover data for regular people, like photos from old hard drives and flash drives or sd cards with testdisk. Do it cheap, give discounts and start with a warning that you might not be able to recover anything or fix their computer and that you are a last resort, when no where else can help or they can’t afford a professional place, so you don’t have to worry about failing. Make a name for yourself.

Besides that, my country is a toilet now and rapidly becoming worse

It’s not too late for a career change. If your country is in the toilet, become a plumber. If it is rapidly becoming worse, find a way to slow it down, work to turn it around in any way you can think of. Become a politician and overthrow the goverment or die trying. At least you might die a hero instead of ending it yourself and being quickly forgotten.

I’ve looked on Indeed

Indeed is trash. Find anything else. Even Fiverr.com or Legiit.com are probably better.

Last advice: Pick a goal. Even something stupid. Work towards it. Do not expect to acheive the goal. It is only the carrot on a stick to lure you to anywhere that is not the place you are now. You might be led to where you are supposed to be along the way.

No ridicule here, only empathy. It’s a rough hand you’ve been dealt. I wish I had some magic advice to give you but I don’t have any relevant knowledge of Cambodia or how to better secure a life for yourself. What I can say is that being in your 20’s you still have plenty of time to figure your life out.

You’re educated and in tech so it’s possible some remote work could come your way, or that you could try your hand at creating something of your own to try and market. Contributing to GitHub projects might help you make some connections and networking for jobs. If all else fails, there’s no shame in doing some retail, sales, or labour work while you wait for the tech market to improve (I’m in IT myself, it’s rough out there right now with all these layoffs.).

Either way, please don’t make any rash choices you can’t take back. It may seem pretty hopeless right now but time has a way of changing that perspective. The world is better with you in it.

Much love from your Canadian brother :)

Its not you/your country. The cost of living has vastly outpaced wages almost everywhere.

I feel bad for this generation and the struggles faced.

There are apps like Fiver where you can connect with people (around the world) needing your skills for short stints. Maybe try that until you find something permanent.

No opportunities for remote gigs with a comp science degree?

Maybe look into being self-employed. There should be some opportunities there for a computer engineer. Working remotely for a company in a different area or even country might also be an option, depending on whether that’s legally possible in Cambodia.

Hang in there, you have a lot of life and adventure in front of you. Don’t let depression and hard times take that from you.

Art.

Well, one thing that is clearer than anything else is, you are going to have to work. So do something that you are okay with and you are good at, and get paid decently for.