Back in the medieval ages when a woman was married to a man, they were basically considered property for my understanding and treated like an extension of the man’s person and family. So it was customary for women to take the man’s last name since they were being joined to his family. But now here in the 21st century women are fully independent and last names don’t really seem to mean much of anything. I mean what is Smith or McGregor or any last name really mean anymore? Especially in the digital age, lots of people have digital usernames like SarahSmith1727373. So the last name clearly doesn’t mean much anymore… Which leads me to wonder, why do the majority of women still take the man’s last name? Especially when some of them have a horrible last name? I have seen some butt ass ugly last names recently, like Fink, Weimer, Slotsky/Slotsky, Hiscock (no joke this is a last name), Hardman… And then you hear the woman’s name and it’s like something way more reasonable and less stupid sounding like Kingman, or Harrison, Walls, etc.
Many people are fine with changing their names and the ones that aren’t won’t do it. There’s your answer. Don’t rag on the people that like changing their name.
I’ve dated a few people who seemed progressive, and I’m a woke-ass queer, but names were a sticking point. I have a complicated welsh travesty of a name I would happily trade in for something shorter - so when I got engaged and I didn’t like his name either, and neither did he, I suggested we both pick something new and change our names together. I mean, if it’s no big deal for me to change my name, it shouldn’t be for him either, right? Anyway, I’m single now.
Can’t speak for all women, but I (and I imagine some others) changed my name because I knew I’d be having kids and didn’t want there to be any confusion. Like, if I’m traveling internationally or if my kid ends up in the hospital, I don’t want one of us having to fish out a birth certificate to prove we’re both the parents. Also I’m of the percent that absolutely hated my long last name so the chance for my name to be shorter and nicer was a no brainer.
I think this is a big reason. Having a common family name helps solidify the family as a unit.
In several countries it’s simply not possible, and the family bonds are strong as elsewhere, if not stronger. China for example, family is above everything there, and you can’t change names under any circumstances.
That’s something I didn’t know. Do you have time to explain how that works in China? Or if there’s a good video essay on the subject I’d take that.
It’s pretty helpful for medical emergencies and getting through border police as a family.
Medical emergencies and also look up on social media.
I think the only correct answer will be “there are lots of different reasons”.
My wife took my last name, even though it’s not a good one and I suggested that we pick a new one.
Here are a couple of her reasons:
-
She wanted us to have the same surname.
-
She was very close friends with my cousins growing up, so the name didn’t seem weird to her.
-
Tradition - she’d always assumed she would change her name to her husband’s name, so that seemed the most normal thing to do.
-
She takes my hoodies, my snacks, my cash, the blankets… why wouldn’t she take my name?
(She didn’t take my name.)
Hah, same on every single account.
A. Many men would not marry a woman who didn’t take their name.
B. Makes parenting more difficult in social settings by not sharing the last name of your kids. I.E. Picking up your kid at school or making medical decisions about kids and having a different last name as the child forces you to jump through a lot more hoops.
C. Women tend to grow up knowing they are going to change their last name it’s not even an afterthought. My girlfriend told me her and her friends would often talk about what their name would be if they married a guy they liked.
D. In some states it is very difficult for a man to change their last name but for women the processes is already in place.
Two short answers: Tradition and simplicity.
If you have different names, which one do the kids get? Also, it’s sometimes challenging to fill in school forms when your kid has a different last name than you.
This it the real answer. It’s usually just easier to do it because it’s the expected situation.
Both, that’s what me and my wife did. It was recently allowed here, but it has been common in Spanish speaking countries for example.
Exactly, this is a strange concept to get hung up on. In China and North and South Korea, a woman in a stereotypical heterosexual marriage keeps her name and the children get the father’s name. There are numerous traditions globally.
Yeah, but in South Korea they also give you pickles witch your pizza!
What does that have to do with this situation? Nothing. I’m just bored, and think it’s a weird thing they do…
How’s your day going?
Oooh, a good dill pickle slice on a pizza sounds good. So do green olives… I have to try these now!
I don’t really like both as a compromise.
What if your children did the same? And their children too?
After a while you’d have 30+ names in your last name.
When they get married and or get children they can pick only one to continue. So that the names don’t get super long indeed.
My mother took my father’s surname and kept her maiden name as a second middle name, then they named their children the same way. That ended up being the smoothest way to handle it for official documents.
Especially in the digital age, lots of people have digital usernames like SarahSmith1727373. So the last name clearly doesn’t mean much anymore…
but you also just used 2 names in your example… others here already said the right stuff, but I reiterate, it’s a lot of symbolism helping create feelings of unity in a family unit, but also there are legal issues/benefits for changing a last name.
For me, it was because my husbands last name was simpler than my maiden name.
I had discussed it with my wife. I didn’t want her to feel obligated to do so, and I know it would be awkward at her work to change her last name, but ultimately she wanted to - so I guess that’s one reason?
There is a degree of closeness from it that I think some people appreciate. If you all share a last name, perhaps you feel closer as a family? I’ve known some people that don’t share the same last name as their kids, or people that went double-barrelled, but didn’t with their kids, and some of them had either changed later, or regretted not having the “same” name.
I’m actually gonna be taking my girlfriend’s last name. Mine sounds hella stupid and is also slang for an unflattering body part, I got bullied a lot for it growing up so I will spare my children and take her last name cause it sounds super fancy and cool.
That makes sense, Cyberm Ass.
Cyberm would be a silly first name.
It is obviously Cyber M. Ass.
The M is short for My.
The guy was bullied already for his last name, and now you’re calling his first name silly? I am reporting you to the mods, Spankm.
Shame on you for deadnaming!
If the guy gets his MD in proctology he can be Dr. Ass.
Mulva?
Good idea Mr. Taint
I think you’re making a good choice Mr. Beer Belly
I took my husband’s last name because it was important to him, and I wasn’t super attached to mine. Also, it has 2 Z’s in it, and that’s one of the coolest letters.
Zardoz?
Is your last name is Lizzard? /s
Izzard
Eggyzz.
I’m from a different culture than my husband and my last name was a bureaucratic nightmare. Almost didn’t make it into university because of computer mix ups, have had issues filing taxes, voting, getting a passport, settings basic IDs, getting insurance… It’s endless. Changed my name as soon as I could, and even THAT process was hindered by my original name.
Bonuses: Distance myself from social media I had as a child. Harder for former stalkers to locate me if they decide to rekindle their previous obsessions. Don’t need to upset one set of grandparents when you name your children one parent’s last name and not the other. People stop asking me where I’m from and making racist assumptions about me. Everyone seems a lot friendlier now that they assume I’m [insert European white race here] instead of [insert non-white race here] and that’s despite the fact that I’m clearly white. Racism is wild. My signature is way shorter.
Not saying this should be the norm, but I was happy it was a socially acceptable option for me.
Duper curious what it was now
Yeah, not the name itself but why it was a bureaucratic nightmare.
Please don’t DOX yourself.
Pew Research has survey data germane to this question. As it stands, a clear majority (79%) of opposite-sex married women changed their family/last name to their husband’s.
But for never-married women, only a third (33%) said they would change their name to their spouse’s family name. 24% of never-married women were unsure whether they would or wouldn’t change their name upon marriage.
From this data, I would conclude that while the trend of taking the husband’s last name is fairly entrenched right now, the public’s attitude are changing and we might expect the popularity of this to diminish over time. The detailed breakdown by demographic shows that the practice was less common (73%) in the 18-49 age group than in the 50+ age group (85%).
However, some caveats: the survey questions did not inquire into whether the never-married women intended on ever getting married; it simply asked “if you were to get married…”. So if marriage as a form of cohabitation becomes less popular in the future, then the change-your-family-name trend could be in sharper decline than this data would suggest.
Alternatively, the data could reflect differences between married and never-married women. Perhaps never-married women – by virtue of not being married yet – answered “would not change name” because they did not yet know what their future spouse’s name is. No option for “it depends on his name” was offered by the survey. Never-married women may also more-strongly consider the paperwork burden – USA specific – for changing one’s name.
So does this help answer your question? Eh, only somewhat. Younger age and left-leaning seem to be factors, but that’s a far cry from cause-and-effect. Given how gradual the trend is changing, it’s more likely that the practice is mostly cultural. If so, then the answer to “why is cultural practice XYZ a thing?” is always “because it is”.
Thanks for providing this really detailed and interesting reply. Lots of good insight here. For the ‘Postgraduate degree’ group, I wonder if they’re dramatically higher due to the frustrating problems associated with name changes? Like if you publish an academic paper with your full name, you can’t easily go back and change it, so that may affect it… huh.
I have friends who published before being married, so now professionally still use their own last name (for continuity) but socially will go by their husband’s last name.
