Some older folks have a genuine visceral reaction to “queer” because, whether it’s been taken back or not, you can’t just psychologically undo a lifetime of that word having been weaponized against you.

Tbf, that word in it’s original definition literally means “Weird” or “Unnatural”. Like: “A circle in the triangle factory? How queer!”

As for all the other words and their association with LGBTQ I have no clue.

instead the person who called them that hears “You did something wrong for calling me that,” and they get defensive. It’s one of those things that, once you notice, you’ll see it everywhere.

And not just about language and people addressing each other.

This phenomenon has been enhanced and amplified with online discussion, so that now we all “choose” to spend our time around people and spaces that reflect how we already feel about a variety of things. So that as soon as you encounter someone outside of that comfort zone who has different preferences, you will see it as stressful and hostile.

In the Great Before Times, when people talked to each other face-to-face, we all learned pretty fast that we need to be compromising and thoughtful and actually listen to each other without presumption of hate or hostility, or we get pushed away from people and end up alone. Or punched in the snotlocker.

Yep, you really hit the nail on the head

I’ve been transitioning for 10 years and these thoughts still haunt me sometimes 🙃

I can be such a forsooth sometimes.

It appears on my instance, FWIW.

A bundle of sticks

Not sure what the link is for, I’m fine with people using it in their own life and media. But using it referring to me or in reference to lesbians makes my skin crawl as someone who used to be called that by homophobic teenagers

And they call them steamed hams, despite the fact that they are obviously grilled?

Ah, I see.

This got me good, burst out with a loud “HA!” in a crowded coffee shop.

I do actually call my mom bro, but if like, a friend or coworker said “don’t call me that” I just wouldn’t do it.

Edit: this is tangential to the real point of the post, which is just to not call people things they don’t like.

Bro is harder to argue for sure.

And man, unless it’s more, “oh man, that’s rough” as an excalamatory rather than “good to see you man” is still gendered.

But dude has never been gendered. It was mostly used by guys towards guys, but the origins of that usage (rather than dude ranches or the derogatory term related to that) it was applied to everyone. Dudette came along later but was essentially created because the usage was male dominated, not because dude was gendered. It’s one of the rare gender neutral, inclusive slang terms. So much so that when dudette was thrown around, it got rejected as unnecessary, and was sometimes taken offensively. Same with dudina and dudess.

Mind you, the era where it was mostly an underground slang used in African American circles is murkier, since it was underground, less written at the time, and after it got “borrowed” by white kids lost its popularity there.

But when surfer culture picked it up, and it spread via movies, female surfers were called dude, and used it the same way as female surfers. They were just such a minority that the association didn’t stick in pop culture because what got seen was Spicoli, and the association with it as being used by guys about guys got absorbed as the primary usage.

There was no gender division in that origin, nor was there a need for it. There simply wasn’t a female specific alternative to dude.

Since it is still used inclusively far more than it isn’t, it’s usually better to assume the best rather than the worst. Someone duding someone in a casual and friendly way is unlikely to be using it as a gendered term. It’s more like buddy, or pal, or even mate than something like bro that started gendered and is still predominantly used that way.

Fuck me I can’t keep up. I thought queer was officially OK.

This is the only one that I haven’t been able to drop from growing up in the early 2000s. I’m good about not saying it in public, but if it’s just the boys playing games or something all bets are off haha

You’re not going to change their minds no matter how much effort you put in. Might as well give a zero effort response.

Yeah this post is about you.

Translating is always perilous. My dad said never do it. But I wouldn’t translate Gordo to fatty. It’s not old slang, it’s not out of date, and it’s not culturally offensive. It’s more like calling your son ‘‘bread ball’’ or ‘‘Lil biscuit’’ or something you’d lovingly call a chubby baby.

Flaco means skinny

At the risk of bringing up a controversial topic, this principle seems to be applied inconsistently. Eg. the people who say “men are trash” and then “if it doesn’t apply to you, it shouldn’t hurt you” would probably agree with your stance, but this is inconsistent.

Jesus fucking cunt, you cunt just drop cunt at every cunt you see or some cunts gonna get a cunt in their cunt about it

Depends. If you specifically have trauma from being called dipshit then it doesn’t.

How strong is this example?:

If someone calls me some word that is normal to them but usually offensive to me I just think that’s interesting that their culture is different for that word.

What comes to mind here, Australian-cunt?

That’s super interesting agreed. Like how the heck did they get on the C U Next Tuesday train?

…but it wasn’t used to slur us domestically, so we can be neutrally bemused.

(PS, I’m not super sensitive about language usually, just looking to draw the tightest possible parallel)

The part about it not bothering you is key.

This isn’t even relevant. Swearing in general terms is not the same as referring directly to someone by a name they do not want to be referred to by.

Depends, I’ve had people request I stop calling them “dude” or “man.” The first of which being my dad, who insisted when I was young that it was disrespectful and I should call him “dad” or “father.” This did not go well for him, even to this day, spoke to him last night and at one point said “Dude so I was reading this article the other day…” My grandma also requested the same, as ironic as that is in this post, and was met with similar resistance. It’s like asking someone to quit saying “like,” it can be done but it takes active effort to change their speech pattern, to which I say “no, it is neither disrespectful nor gendered, and I will not actively change my entire speech pattern to satiate an unreasonable demand from one person that I know, so you can either get over being called dude just like literally everyone else I talk to, or we don’t have to talk, dad.” I’m not doing it to piss him off, it is just how I talk.

There’s a certain societal inertia you have to push against, and it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to change these patterns for you instantly. Friends/family/kind acquaintances will take some time, and others may never change for your sake.

It would require a feat of marketing to shift the definition used by the group. I think that’s how it’s generally done. Call it reasonable or unreasonable or whatever you like.

If they act like cunts, we should call them cunts. But I totally understand that’s not possible in all situations, like when you have a person in power cunting all over you.

My problem (and many others I guess) is that i won’t remember Pat or Kelly the next time. And the next time. And the next time etc etc. Especially if I only see her ever so often. No chance to remember special pronouns beyond what gender they present. He/she/him/her is relatively easy (but not always…) them/they or anything else they prefer seems overly complicated in a social setting.

But if I remember the name and intentionally use others to taunt you, then yes, I would be a cunt. And I try not to be one…

See, no, if I forget someone’s name I’m entirely happy with things like “alright dude see you later,” you can entirely get away without knowing someone’s name. I have people I’ve known for years, don’t know their name, not sure they know mine, and that’s fine.