My test is the classic shopping cart test, for those who don’t know its a test based on if someone returns a shopping cart. Its a societal benefit that is not aknowlaged and requires minimal effort. You wont be punished if you dont return it yet you’re being an asshole.
Haha, no
Sincerely, a waiter
Could you elaborate?
When I was a server I hated when people stacked their own plates. First off, I found it performative. Secondly it messed with my system. Thirdly it usually produced a 20lb pile of dishes covered in queso, half eaten burritos, and guacamole that was impossible to carry.
bussed tables for years; what are you doing clearing tables as a server?
I liked it when people stacked their shit up, it shaves a few seconds off me doing it before I dumped it in a tub.
As far as food issues - well yeah if they’re some kids acting like cretins pouring shit all over that’s a problem but what’s that got fuck all to do with the stack?
I find your hate performative to be honest.
Okay, fair enough. How about putting eventual food, that has not been eaten, on the top plate (and in general making sure the plate is not completely dirty)
Yeah man. I don’t stack anything, not because I don’t want to help, but I don’t want to mess with your system. Waiting isn’t as easy as it seems and I absolutely have no idea how to do it, so I don’t want to interfere. I prefer to sit awkwardly and pretend that me leaning back as much as I can to make more space is equally helpful.
Huh, me mum was a waitress at one point and taught me to stack for politeness, I didn’t realize it was a preference thing. Now I’m not sure what to do.
I’ll still keep ordering the queso though, that shit’s delicious.
offer them the plates so they don’t have to reach or move around the table and help them stack them when they’re there… pause your conversations and ensure they spend as little time sorting your dishes as possible, and then both they can get back to what they’re doing and you can continue your conversations in private
especially true when there are plates, bowls, and cups of all shapes
exception being it’s okay to pile cutlery on a single plate because that’s always going on the top and if not it’s easy to tip off all at once to restack
But people who put napkins in cups can go to hell, and that includes servers.
Sincerely,
Dish
P.S. Scrape your damn plates servers.
This. Heard the same from a waiter friend a while back. Since then, I do nutsack
Nutsack is preferable.
Waiters have told me to please not stack the dishes because it messes with their carrying technique.
Yes. If you do it incorrectly then there’s food on the bottom of the plates now and they can’t shuffle it to their preference anymore.
Just wanted to put in a counter for what a lot of people are saying in here, if you’re looking for a “perfect-clone friend” right out the gate then prepare to be lonely as your tests fail… not because they’re horrible people, but because they’re a different person with different experiences.
The person litters (like @tiramichu@sh.itjust.works suggested)? Probably see’s their entire family litter constantly and never gets comments or maybe even once got reprimanded for saying not to litter to an elder. Just ask them not to when they’re in your vehicle, take into account their reaction and maybe have a conversation about it? (personal experience, just let me friend know it was lame and he stopped doing it. But now his vehicle is a roaming trashcan so I guess take what you can get)
You can be friends with people who are different or were raised differently than you, it’s actually super beneficial! Now if it’s a constant argument or it’s turned into a negative experience every time and communication isn’t working… it might be useful to move on for everyone’s sake at that point.
I’m getting a mixed message here; are you saying people should be friends with people who litter, and politely encourage them to improve their behavior? Or that they should walk away from people that litter? Not trying to antagonize, I’m just not clear what the central theme of your comment is
Make friends first without requirements, communicate if an action of theirs disturbs you or makes you feel some kind of way. Learn who they are and why they do things before passing judgement. Let them know your experience. From there, evaluate what kind of relationship you want with the person going forward. But, communicate! the reason why. Allow the ability for people to surprise you and change if they care about your feelings (including allowing yourself to change if they present good arguments).
People have friends or acquaintances for different reasons and have different philosophies over what’s important in those relationships, mileage may vary.
cool lol thanks
just fyi you keep repeating this pattern: “here’s a specific thing you should enjoy. Later, here’s a general rule which will often invalidate the previous statement” and it’s just kind of hard to follow. but. thanks for the response
What do you do with your shopping cart when you are done? Do you just leave it to fend for itself in the sea of the parking lot? Or do you do the right thing and bring it back inside or to the cart corral.
The REAL REAL sign though? When someone brings a cart from the parking lot into the store to shop with, ultra move.
I like to stay in the chaotic neutral category. I get my cart from the parking lot, but return it exactly where i found it. Even if it was in the middle of the lot. 😝
This has to be in the top 5 most US things.
My mom was a cleaning lady and I worked in hospital housekeeping for a while. I always wipe down my table and tidy the plates etc. my kids have picked it up just from watching and they always clean their mess when we go out, can’t get them to clean up at home though
You’d fail my test if I learn you have tests for people.
Maybe it’s just a matter of phrasing, but the idea that I could be kind to our server all night, tip well, generally hit it out of the park, but be disproportionately judged for failing to do this one small thing because it’s your personal test? Sets my social anxiety off enough that if I knew that were on your mind I’d probably just say we’re not compatible.
Obviously, keep an eye out for shitty people, and don’t put up with bad behaviour, but also judge people as people, wholistically.
It says the word ‘test’ in the post title, but if it helps I don’t think you need to take it so literally.
This isn’t necessarily “setting up” specific situations for people, but more like how people respond in normal everyday situations which you might consider to be either red flag or green flag behaviour.
For me, an example is littering. I’m not so sociopathic that I’d create some trash just to test someone, but if trash happens and they throw it on the ground, it’s a bad personality indicator.
Yeah, what you’re saying makes sense. I like “bad personality indicator” as an alternative, since it conveys to me it’s one of many indicators you might process, maybe not even consciously. I’ve just had rather negative experiences being “tested” and hearing that world applied to any kind of casual social interaction gets my hackles all the way up.
If it’s a self service place, I tend to look around if there is a place to keep the dishes (kinda like SubWay has).
Otherwise, I don’t stack. Waiters can have different ways of taking the dishes and those ways are usually based on all the dishes being random-access. I’d rather do nothing, than stack it the wrong way.I mean, you could stack your dishes but still be a rapist or murderer.
It’s fun to have a friend who’s been a waiter for 30 years, he just openly narrates the service and how good/bad they’re doing (usually “look at how hard they have to scramble because you assholes came in late”)
If they’re accepting new tables, you’re not late. They can change the time they stop taking tables.
We have a group that can be a dozen people easily, but sometimes it’s like a clown car of people wandering in after we sit down, so they have to drag more tables and more tables in, reorder the tickets, etc. Last time 16.
That’s still acceptable, but you should tip very well for accommodating a group like that if it’s close to closing.
The definition of bigotry is someone who’s behavior is a function of what they know about you. If people change their behavior to treat me better or worse because they learn (for example) that I’m gay then I don’t want them at all.
No it’s not.
From the Oxford dictionary:
obstinate or unreasonable attachment to a belief, opinion, or faction, in particular prejudice against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular group.
From the Collins dictionary:
Bigotry is the possession or expression of strong, unreasonable prejudices or opinions.
From vocabulary.com:
A bigot is someone who doesn’t tolerate people of different backgrounds or opinions. Someone who tells a racist joke might be labeled a bigot. A bigot can also be someone who refuses to accept other ideas, as in politics.
Ok… so someone finds out you’re gay. Figure to themselves you’re probably having it rough, with all the LGBTQ+ hate thats going around, and are making sure to treat you nicer because of it, or maybe let some things slide that would irk them otherwise -> bigots.
Not the guy you’re responding to, but…
maybe let some things slide that would irk them otherwise
As a non-straight person, I don’t want yesmen either. If I’m being an idiot, I want my friends to tell me nicely that I’m doing the stupid, I don’t want them to ignore it because “oh she’s gay, I don’t want to hurt her feelings”.
and are making sure to treat you nicer because of it
That’s a bad thing
If I could trust that this is the reason behind a person’s behavior then we wouldn’t be having this conversation. But there are so many potentially malicious reasons to be extra sugary sweet to someone different. Plus it’s infantalizing to be “treated nicer” like I’m not a kid. I don’t want everyone to change their tone I just want to participate and have fun. If political issues were bothering me then I’d go to a political group that centers my lgbt-ness, that’s my choice
My ex wife always refused to put her shit in the bin at McD’s on the basis that someone was paid to do it.
No. Someone was paid to wipe the table down, not pick up your shit.
No they are paid to keep it all clean, including throwing it way :p
Still ill mannered tho
If that’s the case, then why make the bins available for the public to use?
For good mannered people xD
Nice job getting away from that.
That was the sole reason given for the divorce.
Pre bussing be bussin
My test for people is dressing plainly, by which i mean, not excessively well. I wear simple and plain clothing and have a plain appearance.
In my opinion, jewelry and cosmetics and all that are all very problematic. The whole feminism movement is largely about the fact that women don’t want to be objectified, but then they objectify themselves, i argue. By wearing makeup, you’re making yourself a “pretty thing”, one whose superficial appearance is judged, which is arguably more problematic than helpful. Like, if you’re a woman and talking to a man and you’re overly pretty, you subconsciously think that they only talk to you because you look pretty, and that makes you suspicious of them and a little bit angry, which hinders the discussion and makes honest exchange of opinions a bit more difficult. If you dress plainly, don’t wear makeup, earrings or any of that, then you can’t think that they’re only interested in your superficial appearance that they’re interested in, so that means they talk to you because of your personality, which i think puts you in a better mood and makes the talking more worth-while. It leads to higher-quality exchanges.
I think people should be able to feel attractive if they want and not be objectified. I don’t think men objectify women because they look pretty, I think we do it because we have been conditioned to think of women that way.
I actually prefer when women don’t wear tons of makeup, most of the women I date wear very little or none at all. That being said if they ever decide to wear makeup I think it’s great because they are expressing themselves. Either way I look at them as people first, even if I think they are beautiful.
I also wear earrings and occasionally a simple necklace. I don’t think I’m objectifing myself, just that is how I like to look like. I think the same is true for a lot of women.
I know you don’t mean it this way, but it almost sounds like you a validating the viewpoint of certain gross people who ask SA victims what they were wearing.
I think even the most knockout drop dead gorgeous people deserve to not be objectified. And whether I find them to be typically has nothing to do with how much makeup they are wearing or how much jewelry they have on.
If the only reason someone isn’t objectifing you is because you dress plainly, that seems like they still aren’t good people. I know it is a super prevalent though.
To each their own though. I’m also the guy who thinks people should be able to walk around completely naked and not be harassed or objectified, so my viewpoint isn’t typical at all.
I’m not the one who down voted you by the way. I think it’s weird to do that to people just because you don’t agree with them.
I dont think men have been conditioned to find women hot any more than the magpie in the next tree finding her partner hot.
Its biology. People living in the middle of the jungle are attracted to women. They dont have any conditioned behavior at all except they want to sleep with them.
Hot people will always be objectified. But you can make the media say its not correct to think about them that way, so people dont express their true opinions, so it seems that the objectification is gone now. :) Its all for show man.
I wasn’t saying we are conditioned to find women sexy. I’m saying we have been conditioned to treat women as sex objects and not sexy people. There is a big difference.
The clue is in the name. Objectification is when you treat someone like a thing to be desired, and not like a whole human being with thoughts and desires of their own. When you act like getting you aroused is their sole purpose and/or the only value they possess.
It’s a learned behavior like racism or misogyny. And no, It won’t always happen, not once we evolve enough emotionally as a species to treat all human beings with love and respect.
You are right, I didnt really understand. I have never treated any woman as a pure object like that. How would that even work…
I’m not a biologist, but i presume you’re very wrong
I didnt really think about what objectified meant… I havent ever thought of a woman like that so its hard to imagine.
By wearing makeup, you’re making yourself a “pretty thing”, one whose superficial appearance is judged, which is arguably more problematic than helpful.
Check your misogyny pal
I’m married, but I find simple beauty like you describe far more attractive than lots of makeup or other things some women feel to the need to do.
makeup is self care: on a man or a woman… too much makeup, like anything else being too much, is performative and lacks taste… taste is an appropriate amount of something applied in a thoughtful manner
you wouldn’t wear a suit to the pub, but it never hurts to not wear ripped jeans and a shirt that’s 2 sizes too large… just like you probably wouldn’t wear an entire face of makeup to a weekly drinks with friends, but you might wear some mascara or concealer (doesn’t matter if you’re a guy or a gal these things make you look great either way)
Wow I’ve always had this feeling with people caring too much about their appearance and you just summed up pretty good why. Never realised this is the reason
