Putting on black nail polish used to be the highlight of my week in the early days of transition and way before I came out. I was never good at it, but I liked how it looked on me and it felt like a way to get control back in my life in one of the few ways that I could.
Now HRT has done some pretty nice things to me after three years and I don’t feel as connected to nail polish, and everything I didn’t like about it feels much more of a pain. Like that it’s expensive, that it can be a mess, and after a decade, I still always miss my nail bed and get paint on my skin.
I do still like taking care of my nails. I enjoy filing the shape just right and exfoliating them and moisturizing to keep them healthy. That’s all fine.
But then I get the intrusive thoughts that I’m not femme enough or not alt enough if I don’t wear black nail polish. Of course, I know that’s not true, but it is what my brain tells me. So that’s kind of where I’m at.
I think these things start as a novelty and once that wears off, it’s not as interesting. Happens to young cis-girls too. I remember preteen girls in school just dying to get their hands on makeup but when later in life it becomes a social necessity rather than a fun novelty, it becomes a chore.
Personally, nail polish takes a lot of time so I only use it for special occasions. Plus my nails are fragile, so it’s easier to keep them healthy without it. And you have to be careful with your hands while it’s on and I’m not good at that. Lol.
When I do use it, I use a strengthening base coat and a clear top coat to help with those issues, but that usually makes it take forever to dry, even with drying drops, so I need to do it the day before I do something and that makes it even more unlikely I’ll use it.