Putting on black nail polish used to be the highlight of my week in the early days of transition and way before I came out. I was never good at it, but I liked how it looked on me and it felt like a way to get control back in my life in one of the few ways that I could.
Now HRT has done some pretty nice things to me after three years and I don’t feel as connected to nail polish, and everything I didn’t like about it feels much more of a pain. Like that it’s expensive, that it can be a mess, and after a decade, I still always miss my nail bed and get paint on my skin.
I do still like taking care of my nails. I enjoy filing the shape just right and exfoliating them and moisturizing to keep them healthy. That’s all fine.
But then I get the intrusive thoughts that I’m not femme enough or not alt enough if I don’t wear black nail polish. Of course, I know that’s not true, but it is what my brain tells me. So that’s kind of where I’m at.
Sis, liking something, or not liking something doesn’t have anything to do with your gender or gender perception. If you decide you’re not feeling painting your nails that’s how you roll. If someone tells you that you aren’t fem enough because your nails aren’t done, I hope you turn around and tell them that they can have an opinion about your nails when they are paying for the polish.
I’m not trans, but I am a cis-woman/lesbian. When I was a teenager I was always told I wansn’t gay enough because I wasn’t listening to Melissa Ethridge, or dressing a certain way. Those same people weren’t buying my music or my clothes, and their opinions mean even less to me as an adult.
We grow over time. Our likes and interests can change, and that is just life. (Although I get for you that the nail painting thing was a way you felt connected to your gender, but as you have grown, you have likely found lots of additional things that make you feel connected to your gender.)
If you are a woman, you are a woman, cis/trans doesn’t matter. You should be a woman in the ways that make you happy. If that means no nail polish, then you are a woman that’s not interested in nail polish. You’re as much a woman in a dress and heels as you are in slacks and flats. Live your truth, and tell the haters that they can have an opinion when they are in a position to finance your life.
Good luck sis.
I’ve never been in love with nail polish. I’ve had my nails done twice since I transitioned nearly a decade ago. I don’t love makeup either. I basically stopped wearing it around 5 years ago. I also don’t have my ears pierced.
I’m still here, still doing fine, still being me.
You’ll be ok :)
Super normal! Transition is a lot like speed running puberty. Cis women have had their childhood and teen years to try different styles of femininity and pick what feels right for them. Many of them don’t wear nail polish or makeup. You don’t have to have nail polish if you don’t enjoy it, and it doesn’t make you any less femme because of it.
Heck, I still have some leftover baby-trans clothes that I’d be really uncomfortable wearing now. I thought they were what I needed to wear to be femme enough when my dysphoria was still raw during early transition.
Yeah, definitely normal. I played with a lot of traditionally femme things at the start of my transition, cause I didn’t know what I liked and had been denied the exploration my cis peers had in adolescence. I don’t wear makeup much anymore for the same reasons. Things can be affirming at first and then you grow out of them and it doesn’t have to mean anything, other than you’re growing. Same thing with bras; they used to be real affirming to wear, and the sensory feeling of having something on my chest was a relief. But I’m 7 years in and a bra is something I take off immediately when I get home because it’s annoying.
Look around at the habits of women in their 30s and 40s and you’ll see a lot of us have let go of many of the femme high effort stuff fall away. Some of it is still fun on occasion but the daily effort is just not worth it
I’ve noticed something similar happening to me. I used to be really aware of my leg hair and shaved obsessively when I started my transition. It made me feel feminine and nice. Now, I don’t care that much anymore. I haven’t shaved them in two or three weeks I think. I’ve become more secure and confident in my identity and don’t need perfectly smooth legs to feel woman enough anymore.
I think these things start as a novelty and once that wears off, it’s not as interesting. Happens to young cis-girls too. I remember preteen girls in school just dying to get their hands on makeup but when later in life it becomes a social necessity rather than a fun novelty, it becomes a chore.
Personally, nail polish takes a lot of time so I only use it for special occasions. Plus my nails are fragile, so it’s easier to keep them healthy without it. And you have to be careful with your hands while it’s on and I’m not good at that. Lol.
When I do use it, I use a strengthening base coat and a clear top coat to help with those issues, but that usually makes it take forever to dry, even with drying drops, so I need to do it the day before I do something and that makes it even more unlikely I’ll use it.
I have it too, I think it’s because HRT is much more effective at making me feel fem, and so I no longer need nail polish etc. to feel as such.
For me it was the complete opposite, I didn’t like nail polish, heels etc for years until now, nowadays I use a curling iron everyday, get my nails done, wear heels. You just go through phases and phases in your life it’s not about being trans
