This is more of a venting post, so be prepared.

My situation is the following. I come from a small village, but mainly live in a bigger town for university. This means, that I have 2 social circles that have no connection with each other. In the town I live I have outed myself against almost any person I have regular contact with, and live my day to day life as a woman (even tho I boymode about 100% of the time due to me not having that much girl clothes (shit is expensive)). Even if I dont live at my home village I do still have somewhat regular contact with the people there (I am active in the mucis club and in the fishing club), however, I have not done a single coming out in that village. The reason for this is, that the village is known for being quite a shithole in terms of spawning rumours about quite literally anything. Since I want to minimise this I want to do my coming out to the majority of people I interact with all at the same time. This way they all know the same, they all know the truth and I dont have the problem, that rumours spread faster than I can do my coming out and people start to ask unpleasant questions and therefore force me to do my coming out. Since the fishing club is quite inactive I am mainly talking about the musics club in the rest of this post.

Now whats the best time/place to do your coming out with a big group so that all of them at the same time. My first thought was that I just do it on one of the regular rehearsals of the musics club. This plan has two giant flaws. The first one is, that I am absolutely terrible at speaking up in a conversation to announce that I am trans (tried that several times, always chickened out). While this might be managable the second flaw isnt. Not all people that are part of the club are present at all rehearsals. So this would again cause, that only a small group would know what I said directly and get the chance to ask questions. So I dumped that plan and instantly realised, that theres a single day per year, where all (or almost all) people of the club are present in a single room, in a setting that is a bit more formal, where everyone who wants to say something gets the chance to do this: The general assembly, that every club in germany has to do once a year. It consists of multiple standard points that have to be done (basically requirements by the law) and one last point called miscellanelous. Under this point Everyone who has Ideas, that should be discussed, or who wants to make an announcement like me, gets the chance to do so, while everyone is listening.

This years general assembly happens next week on Saturday. This is my chance to complete my coming out. In theory I could also wait another year, but this massively conflicts with my other plans. If I would go with official HRT I would have to wait one year, so this would be on track with waiting another year, but I dont want to live two lives for another year and I am planning on doing DIY HRT (blood work is on the way and already ordered my hormones) and while only visiting once a month at max theres no way I can hide the process for one whole year. So basically this is my only chance if I want to escape the unpleasant questions.

Now you might be asking what this title has to do with all of this. Well, today there was an event from that club where I was present. Since I was lazy and had in mind, that I am doing my coming out next week I still had my nails painted (but only one hand) in a quite beautiful, but relatively neutral, dark blue. The amounts of jokes I had to hear about my nails was in fact quite concerning. If something this simple like a little bit of paint on one of the smallest parts of my body sparks such a big wave of jokes, what the hell is gonna happen if I really do my coming out. I kind of dont want to be forced to leave this club behind me, just because they are not accepting. Even just thinking about this sends a shiver down my spine. One thing is safe. Even if I dont really like alcohol, it will be 100% necessary for me to not chicken out. Good thing I dont drink that much, so if I am chugging down 3-4 beers until my time is coming I should feel it quite a bit and should be able to make use of the increased bravery it provides so I am not chickening out. This is probably the scariest thing I have done in my entire life…

Edit; One thing I should add is, that the people in said village tend to be much more on the conservative side of the political spectrum.

  • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    13·
    13 hours ago

    Why is it necessary to come out at a general assembly full of potentially hostile conservatives?

    You know it’s OK to just start transitioning and tell people as necessary - and it’s also OK to send out an email or write a letter or something else other than … forcing yourself to get very drunk so that you can announce it in front of everyone in a physical meeting?

    Just seems like you’re taking a particularly hard and risky option when you might have better alternatives. A lot of people will just tell someone in charge and allow them to pass along the information, for example. It’s not uncommon for example in a workplace for someone to tell their boss and human resources, and then the boss is able to update the other coworkers or employees.

    Also, I think people are more likely to joke and make fun of a perceived boy for wearing nail polish than to make similar jokes of someone who has come out as trans - not that being trans won’t get harassment (arguably it’s worse when it happens), but at least some of those people who thought it was OK to joke about the nail polish might have politeness norms about respecting something serious like transitioning such that they would reconsider making those jokes.

    • da_cow (she/her)@feddit.orgOPEnglish
      3·
      11 hours ago

      As I said, I want to minimise the amount of rumours that will occur. This way everyone knows first hand what is reality.

      Edit: To put this into perspective, a couple of years ago my brother lost a Finger in a working accident and it took about 2 weeks until someone told us, that they are unironicly telling, that he lost the whole arm.

      That’s why I want to make clear what is reality so that everyone I regularly interact with knows this and doesn’t have to rely on a text message or rumours to know about this.

      • Hexarei@beehaw.orgEnglish
        1·
        21 minutes ago

        It sounds like you’re holding yourself hostage a little, and might want to take a step back and a deep breath. Evaluate your situation and see whether so much preparation and planning is really necessary - or whether you can just pick a small group you know will be supportive to come out to first, and then maybe just live as yourself?

        As for clothing being expensive: Thrift stores, thrift stores, thrift stores! I’ve built almost my entire wardrobe from thrifting and it’s been a delight to only spend $30-40 at a time for several different pieces.

        Edit : this was supposed to be in response to the main thread but ohwell

  • Zorsith@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    4·
    15 hours ago

    Conservatives will go out of their way to find something to be mad at. I got called a tree hugging liberal on my last day working for the government just for expressing mild interest in moving to the west coast. Fuck 'em (figuratively, not literally).