(Not sure if this is allowed here but need some help/support)

Update 2/ getting a blood test tomorrow which includes hormone testing…thank you for your comments and help :) Update/ just about to go for a GP appointment regarding “early menopause”. If anyone has any advice on what I can say to help my case I’d appreciate it. Thanks.

ETA- I’m in the UK. Anyone have any info or advice is welcomed. Edit 2- I just asked my GP about getting my hormones tested…waiting on their response e3- also my dad made a comment saying I look trans a couple yrs ago and he’s not wrong tbh. It’s so hard not comparing myself to my sisters especially and other women in my family.

I don’t feel like a natural woman. Like the Portishead song “I just wanna be a woman”…

I just wanna feel like the the other women in my family and the gender I was assigned at birth but I just feel like the grinch. I literally feel like my body is all wrong and I can’t just “accept” it and be grateful.

Mtf (in my case, masc to femme) I probably have hormonal imbalances or something. My life is awful. If y’all can take it at the ages you do, I feel like I should be allowed to at 23…

Euthanasia is on the cards atp…I just wanna stop feeling worthless

  • Calfpupa [she/her]@lemmy.mlEnglish
    14·
    4 days ago

    Edit: a quick peek at your post history show you lusting after a guy. This is 100% skewing your view of yourself, as this always does.

    I’m sorry you feel this way, I know I have family members also struggle with their appearances. You may have heard this before, but I think it bears repeating: most people feel like this. Especially today, you are being bombarded by an impossible beauty standard. I don’t know which “masc” parts you feel like you have, so I’m going to address the common ones I hear about. ‌No one has no facial hair, they all shave (desperately). No ones chest is perfect, there is always a criticism: too small or too large with no inbetween. In my intimate converstions with cis-women, I’ve learned that even the most stunning women are self-critical to nearly the same degree I am myself.

    Here’s my practical advice with not knowing which “masc” aspects you are concerned about, with a caveat that I am not a Dr and are anecdotal to what I have seen in my AFAB friends:

    • Talk to your Dr about Gender Affirming Care, not HRT
    • Get your natural levels checked for estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. If your T levels are “high” you may find it easy for your dr to prescribe something to midigate it.
    • Consider your birth control type, it may be causing an imbalance in your hormone levels (or if you’re not taking any, you may not be getting the “boost” your family members are getting). There are two main categories: estrogen/estradiol and progesterone.
      – Progesterone seems to cause chest development early on, one of my friends switched to and gained like 5 cup sizes in 3 months (they were NOT happy about this, as they’re FtM). However, too much progesterone for too long can also cause hair development, so if you’re on one already it could be contributing to that. – Estrogen/estradiol ones are more common in the states, idk about UK medicine and I can’t say much on it. The “boost” I’m referring to above is often estrogen.
    • I don’t know your weight, but from what I’ve seen, the more weight you gain the more androgenous one looks. This isn’t because you look more masc, it’s because the scale that is used labels anything not traditionally “femme” as masc (eg women in pants). If you’re heavier than your family members, that may be a factor in how you assess your "masc"ness. Exercise, drink water for at least 3/4 of all of your liquid intake, limit processed foods.

    I honestly think you’re likely goals for many of us MtF and you’re comparing yourself to an impossible standard.

    • hayyy@thelemmy.clubOPEnglish
      3·
      3 days ago

      Yep. If not him it’ll be some other guy in a few years…. I don’t want men to have power over me like this. Like I need to be different to be worth something. But he just awakens dormant feelings.

      I appreciate you comment.

      I’m definitely not goals for any of you but thanks.

      Not on hormonal birth control but finding out it’s basically a higher dose of HRT, I’m considering it. I am fat but not in the feminine way and I feel like hrt could fix that. Redistribution… Seeing how it’s changed people (mtf), I feel like it could really help. My somatic issue.

      Edit to add…a lot of you have features I wish I had (regardless of hormones or surgery)

      • Calfpupa [she/her]@lemmy.mlEnglish
        13·
        4 days ago

        You have no idea where we are at, so don’t discount that you may be goals. If you’ve been called maam or lady for more than 1/100 interactions, you are already goals for me. Not everyone here looks like the transwomen to see posting.

        • Berengaria_of_Navarre@lemmy.worldEnglish
          9·
          4 days ago

          Even if she’s goals for many of the girls here, gender affirming care should be available to anyone who wants it. cis or trans. Increased weight, masculine traits, depression would all be possible indicators of some sort of endocrine problem. But, it’s impossible to tell over the internet. So getting estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, and also thyroid hormones tested would be my first step.

          • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
            2·
            3 days ago

            she shouldn’t have any trouble getting access to that care because she’s cis - you’re right, she should just go to the doctor, get hormones checked, and go from there

            I think at this point it’s irresponsible to indicate she should source DIY hormones and start taking them.

        • dandelion (she/her)@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
          1·
          3 days ago

          +1 to this, I used to have such intense distress and felt that even just being mistaken for a woman is all I want - being a pretty woman wasn’t even on the radar, just even been seen as a woman instead of male was “goals” for me