So I’ve started on subconscious subcutaneous estrogen injections and so far so good. I seem to be ok with it mentally. No mood swings so far and I actually have some hope for the future. And I’ve been thinking more clearly, which is a double edged blade.
I have come to realise that I have no good friends who live locally, and the nearest gender queer friend is a 2 hour flight away and they’re non binary (not transfem). I really want to have at least one transfem friend in the town where I live, but I don’t. I know there are other trans women here because I see them out and about. But you can’t just go up to someone and say “hey I see you’re trans! I’ve just started estrogen! Let’s be friends!”. There are no LGBTQ+ clubs here and even if there were, I don’t have the time or money to go out.
Realistically I don’t even have time to maintain friendships, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by everything going on in my life and just want to speak to someone irl who understands. I’m not really depressed per se, but I also don’t want to become depressed because I don’t have anyone to talk to about my struggles.
I haven’t begun transitioning yet, but regarding not having anybody to talk to who truly understands you, I feel you. Painfully so. I am already depressed and the isolation makes it worse. Antidepressants do help to take the edge off so that I don’t end up lying in bed, all day, catatonic. I don’t even know what I was trying to say here. Oh, right, these online communities also do help. I know it’s nothing like the real deal, but I think you can feel genuine caring and love digitally too.