Amy Nash-Kille knows that not everyone would choose a polyamorous family like hers. But she called it the “greatest blessing” of her life.
Nash-Kille said she has spent the last 17 years in a committed relationship with “two gentle, loving men”, sharing the costs and responsibilities of raising four kids.
But she’s concealed her family arrangement from her graduate school adviser, co-workers and even her hairdresser. She said someone harassed her family for more than a year, and she took out a restraining order to stop it before moving her family from a Colorado suburb to Portland, Oregon, in 2011.
In March, the city became the largest in the US to pass an ordinance protecting polyamorous people and multipartnered households from discrimination in housing, jobs and public accommodation. For Nash-Kille and her partners, it was “one of the greatest relief moments of our lives”.
“People are still going to judge what they don’t understand,” said Nash-Kille, who told her story to the Guardian and in city council testimony. But the new law, she said over email, “is helping to establish the inherent worth and dignity of people who have unusual family configurations when considered by society at large”.
I’ve known one poly guy for over 20 years. When he pops up in Austin, it’s always with a different partner, and you’d never think them to be anything other than a loving, monogamous couple at a restaurant.
The other poly couple of familiar with is the one looking to start a commune. I slept there a few nights, and nothing untoward happened.
Poly doesn’t mean you think you can fuck everyone; it just means being able to hold romantic feelings for more than one person at the same time. Which, let’s be honest, we’ve all experienced in life.
I’ve known plenty of polyamorous people, many of which have otherwise unremarkable, happy, lives.
There’s always people ready to shit on it online.
“I could never do that”. Ok. So don’t.
“I’m too jealous”. That’s a character flaw. Maybe work on that.
“I knew a couple that tried it and broke up”. Many people break up for many reasons.
“It’s cheating”. Cheating is breaking agreed upon rules. If the people involved say it is not, then it is not.
“It’s confusing for kids”. No it’s not. Kids are very adaptable.
The “kids” one always gets me. Like even compared to the others it’s an obvious ass pull. Did they properly interview kids in those families or did life course studies?
I would guess if they did they would find much better outcomes. Poly people tend to have much better emotional health, empathy, compassion, and communication (assuming their relationships last) than monogamous people, mostly out of necessity. Maintaining multiple romantic relationships is complex and if they work they require those skills. Add to that a larger group of caregivers, the children of poly relationships will likely experience more emotional support and stability than is possible for a monogamous couple to provide.
Nuclear families are just too small to work effectively
It’s more of a concern of how you explain it to your child but also keep them ignorant of alternitive lifestyles, it’s fundamentally a control thing
100% of the time “think of the kids” is used, it’s because they cannot come up with a coherent reason without pulling that escape cord.
ordinance protecting polyamorous people and multipartnered households from discrimination in housing, jobs and public accommodation.
I’m almost wondering if there’s a way to word these protections such that they also account for all future groups which may/do face discrimination. In any case, I’m happy to see an attempt to tackle it for poly people.
As an aside, one of my hair stylists in the past was in a poly relationship. You wouldn’t even know it unless he talked about it. Seems he faces many of the same issues you’d see couples face who are in same-sex relationships or relationships with a trans partner. He gets asked a lot of dumb questions by people too. It’s funny how simple it all is: people who love each other are together. As for all the details of the relationship, it’s really not your business.
Glad to see protections bring put in place. Strangely religious conservatives don’t seem to.be as angry about polyamory as they are about gay marriage, despite the former being more of a genuine threat to the dominance of the traditional family then gay marriage ever was
I’ve got to know more about the poly couple with the commune plan
Seth and Ra are fun people, and I swear they’re not Egyptian.
