They seem to think everything just comes easy, everything is obtainable. I was just reading a thread on reddit about a woman who screams non stop at her son and takes all her frustrations out on him and all of reddit are like “She needs to get therapy, for a long time, maybe years, maybe permanently.” Like, what the hell? Who on earth could even afford that? Do they all just have endless money? Even if you live in a country with socialised healthcare you normally have to spend ages on a waiting list for a short course of therapy. Who are all these millionaires who think everyone can just be in therapy permanently? Whenever anyone has a problem the reddit answer is always “Therapy, now!” With no thought at all about whether the person can access or pay for that.
I’ve noticed this with other things on reddit too. There was once a reddit thread where people were asking why poor people buy takeaway food and how they can’t be poor if they buy it. I spoke on there about how I’d been in a situation where I was living in a bedsit, had run out of money, only had a few pounds left. There was no money left on my gas or electric meter. I could either put my last few pounds on the meter, or I could buy food, but then with no gas or electric I wouldn’t be able to cook any food. So my only option was to buy some cheap ready cooked food like chips from the fish and chip shop. Some really rude redditors refused to believe this, saying no-one is ever in that situation. They are so dissociated from reality they really don’t even believe people can be so poor they have to choose between utilities or food.
I’ve see other threads where someone posts photos of a medical condition they have, asking what it could be. When told to go to the doctor they say they have no medical insurance, no money to pay, etc and the others are like “Just go, this could be serious.” Like OK, just materialise money out of thin air then. It’s like they think everyone actually has an emergency fund but just doesn’t want to dip into it. It makes me think there’s no hope for humanity, when so many people are like this, not even wanting to believe how poor other people are, there will never be enough appetite for change to actually change things.
Therapy isn’t strictly for trauma. It is also a space to process, where you can vent and speak freely and be heard by somebody who is trained to give strictly constructive input that gets you to a healthier headspace. Especially in today’s atomized world where so few of us have strong emotional safety nets, it is a wonderful thing that most people would benefit from.
People don’t listen. I was dedicated enough to keep accessing low-income based therapy for a quarter century, put up with bad therapists who gave bad diagnoses until I couldn’t take them anymore, searched and read when I didn’t, sat with the bad feelings, acknowledged my part in my wounding and toxicity, forgave myself and others (that doesn’t mean they get back in to do it again – when you turn the other cheek, you look a different direction), and took control of my harmful and ruminating thoughts, corrected negative self-talk, “Mind-Reading,” accepted other people’s opinions of me are not my business.
That’s probably harder to do when you’re shut-in. But researching online isn’t. And it’s not a McDonald’s solution, either. It takes dedication, empathy, compassion, along with shadow work on rage, helplessness, escapism, and anything else that looks outward, rather than inward. I also had to learn when to stop venting; I mean when it only wound up my negative emotions and physical symptoms, like headache, heart palpitations, along with rage, depression, suicidal ideation. I colored, journaled, sang a lot. I cried a lot. I sat with myself and my shame, wanting to fit in and not, desperation and allowed a set time, then found something else to do with my energy consuming, pervasive thoughts. And I had to give each modal a fair chance (six months or so) to actually see if any incremental changes were enough, until I found the model that worked for me. So this may not work for everyone, but six months compared to the time I invested in staying sick and getting sicker was nothing. I was worth it.
I agree completely, and I’m happy you’ve found ways to cope and process that work for you. I wanted to push back some on the original comment because of the ways in which this modality did work for me around stuff that’s not strictly trauma. Funnily enough, a lot of the skills that work for you are similar to what my therapist gave to me years ago. But therapists are people, with differing approaches and opinions, and I know that institution has plenty of shortcomings despite the good I see in it. Anyway I appreciate your perspective
I hear you. No therapist ever gave that to me. It started when a “playa” called me out on something (he was still trying to gaslight me) that prompted a recall of a term I hadn’t heard since college (uni): “attachment theory.” I looked at that and my healing rapidly accelerated.
that sounds nice, i have never gotten constructive input from a therapist.
Yeah it can be hit or miss, it’s a flawed system for sure. I just see more good in the process than bad, in my vicinity. Sorry you’ve had the opposite experience
I used to think that. Then I started trying and sticking with it for six months.
i’ve had 6+ monthly sessions with therapists, the duration doesn’t seem to make a difference. one was at least honest and eventually said they couldn’t help me
I said I had bad therapists, no money for low cost and did my own therapy.