Hi all,
Im looking for some input/advice/help. I came out as trans some month ago. Its been on my mind for 15+ years and it feels great to finally have come out.
But I always have an extremely hard time internalizing stuff, and very much so in this case. This worry that “i might not be” keeps eating away at my brain and I dont know where to turn to ask for advice.
Ive tried to get more in touch with my feminine side and I absolutely love it. The initial gender euphoria was crazy. Ordering new clothes and ripping off the old mask of trying to meet the masculine ideals that was expected of me has been so freeing.
However, i havent come out at work or to my family yet. So i do have to put that mask back on almost daily. Some days really suck. Seeing myself in the mirror ranges for masc stubble nightmare to still seeing a version of me that I like (which I have never done before).
But something in my head keeps bugging me. A little goblin inside telling me “what if youre wrong?”, “what if youre actually not trans”, “you dont feel that bad when youre still looking masc”, “youre not that dysphoric”.
The gremlin has always been there in other scenarios but this time is giving me so much issues with my headspace just due to how important this whole journey is to me.
Does anyone have any advice? Is this normal? Is it common for people to deal with fantasy creatures in their head? Should I rethink my life choices?
I have no idea where to turn with this one but atleast tried to book a time with the only therapist/doctor ive met whos been able to properly talk about gender dysphoria. Although im afraid of how much I can/should say because trans care sucks here and I really dont want to be left out of the opportunity of actually getting help.
Other people have given much better advice, I am recently out as well but I just want to chime in and say that you’re not alone there and I have felt this way as I have gone through my own journey, I think this feeling may grow with the amount of time it takes to make your realization, you said it was 15 years that is quite a long time living as a straight person or asexual person. There is a book I found at the library which might be of interest to you it’s called Finally Out: Letting go of Living Straight, and it’s written by a doctor who didn’t realize they were gay until later in life (40s) and it goes through a lot of these doubts, it’s not about being trans in particular but the advice is still very applicable for all LGBTQIA+ peoples I think. Love and luck