Even though the roots of the word seem to stem from transphobic culture and pseudoscience, it was nice to be able to verbalize and better conceptualize the specific emotions that I had been feeling ever since I realized that my long suffering may have been caused by gender dysphoria: I could finally, for the first time in my life, feel a slight… Tingling? Infatuation? Just by imagining, envisioning, that someday I will attain a female body makes me feel lighter inside. I don’t have to hate myself, my body, my gender expressions. And, on top of all this newly found freedom, I feel sexually viable. As a potential partner to others, as somebody that people can actually desire. It’s an effect of the euphoria, of the realization that I can be something, or someone, else than what this ciscentric society has forced upon me.
Just venting thoughts and feelings that I cannot vent anywhere else. No need to reply! ☺️
This kept me in the closet for way too long and I’m fucking angry about it. Because I spent my life feeling an all-encompassing void of self-hatred having to do with the way I look, my body, my face etc. When I finally let myself experiment with presenting femme that self-hatred melted away. I didn’t suddenly get hot, i didn’t suddenly get fuckable, but I’m capable of self-care and self-love and self-respect for the first time in my life. Making someone feel like that is a perversion is a fucking disgusting thing to do.
Thanks for your comment.