I found out after checking my savings in a few months. Went to buy surplus grain from Sawhill farms and needed to withdraw 1000. thought ATM was broke until I check the Chase app and find a lousy 300 dollars left. I called her and just spoke for a bit before bringing it up and when I did she paused and just went “oh” and hung up. I got home she was already in bed and I ended up getting high and sleeping on the futon again. Next morn she tells me that I have to think about paying off some debt. Debt? I brought up the missing money and that’s when she broke down and told me she had been watching eBay live and buying a bunch of shit we don’t need. I checked out eBay life and shits bleak. It uses the short form media format so you can just swipe through live auctions. She got addicted to spending but using klarna because she thought it would cost less. Turns out I’m over 9000 in debt. There’s no way to return some of this shit. I think I’m going to pay it off but then have a serious discussion about the relationship because I don’t think I can be with someone who is financially unstable. But I love her and she helped me out when I was in a toxic relationship.
That sucks. I’d echo the other comments that say this is salvageable, but priority has to be a) you protecting yourself and b) her being able and willing to get the help she needs to address whatever lead to this behavior. Both the excessive spending but also hiding it and going deep into debt on your shared account.
If you are in a relationship with someone who has a destructive addiction then you are exposing yourself to the fallout from that.
Also I’m sorry to hear all this, obviously this means a lot given that you are engaged and she helped you in the past.
I wouldn’t see her spending habits as much of a red flag as the whole: just hanging up and pretending to sleep part. I feel like the spending part is easier to fix than the lying and being turbo immature und kinda hard or impossible to fix. Also, no offense to anyone but thinking it would be cheaper to use klarna or similar services seems just super dumb.