Now that I’m able to go back out a bit, I feel really embarrassed because I look rough as hell. My hair is falling out, I’ve got bad oedema so I’m swollen and puffy, my skin is destroyed, all red and covered in eczema and various infections. Yesterday in the supermarket I got mistaken for a man, and it’s not even the first time it has happened. A little kid was blocking my path and her mum said, “Mind out of the way, a man is trying to get past.” I’ve had a shop attendant previously say “here you go, sir,” when handing me my item. I’ve had random strangers loudly make fun of the way I walk (I have problems walking since having a stroke) and an older couple even laughed and made fun of me after one of my foot surgeries because I was wearing plastic shoe cover bags on my feet instead of shoes.
I just feel so embarrassed going out at all but I hate being stuck indoors.
If you want BAD advice though I would suggest intentionally over tuning a sense of delusional narcissism and seething, dismissive “well they can go fuck themselves” anger. You might still end up caring about the thoughts of others but you’ll feel mad instead of bad, easy win, ayyy
instead of anger, I’ve built up a massive layer of contempt. is that good??
Resentment here… I carry an immeasurable amount of resentment for people I know and don’t know. I’m terribly maladjusted to life after the pandemic and living in a world that left me behind.
contempt is soft anger so you’re basically doing what we’re doing
This is what I do but didn’t want to suggest it. Prefer to direct my anger outwards rather than inwards if it has to go somewhere at all
it’s that but also cultivating anger intentionally as opposed to shame/other bad internal feelings
look at us being so good at being poorly adjusted
I used to be a very angry person but i had to shed that excess anger cos it was eating me alive. Now its rationed for specific short lived situations and discarded after.