Something I’ve always wondered is what kind of women were in the lives of incel men when they were young. Did they have a bad relationship with their mother? Did they lack sisters or other female family members? Or is their family situation irrelevant? Maybe some particular situation in their early years caused them to develop a complex around women?
Please point to exactly where I said that. It’s fine to want a romantic relationship. But if anyone - man or woman or anything in between - defines their entire self-worth on that one single thing, then they’re going to have a very bad time in life. Relationships end. People die. If the only thing you can see yourself as is the partner to another person and you lose (or can’t get) that other person, then you’re lost.
Work on being whole yourself and defining your value to and for your own self. Work, art, skilled hobbies, charity, friends, family. All of these things can provide value to your community. Find self worth outside of romantic relationships is the best advice for anyone in the world, even people who are currently in romantic relationships.
What you call lost is the very definition of human.
Looking for a relationship is not lost it is the most human thing to do.
What is more human than finding another human to procreate with?
Everything else you mention all valuable is secondary to social. The cruelest thing you can do to a human is to put them in solitary confinement.
Bro, you are going to have a difficult life, if you think of existing in your community as solitary confinement. I’d advise you to go get involved in something. Go find a maker space to volunteer at, volunteer at the library, talk to your neighbors, join some kind of outdoor activity group.
You can do all of this while ALSO trying to date. You can (and should) do this kind of stuff even after you get married. You can’t just sit around feeling bitter and expect a relationship to solve that for you. That right there is a perfect recipe for a relationship that will fail. You have to be your own person even when you’re in a relationship.
There’s more to “being social” than just finding a person to have sex with you and calling it a day.
“existing in your community as solitary confinement.” – Chetzemoka
What a strange take. Isn’t this a contradiction? Anyways I just want to point out that this is… A wrong take. Very strange and very wrong take.
Just know that being social is being human. You seem to forget that at times.