CW

Ever since I came out to my mom several years ago, she’s been supportive on and off, which I don’t really understand why she is just sometimes supportive.

When I first came out to her, she told me she was proud of me, and then minutes later she told me that I would be ugly and never find love. She’s never purposely misgendered or deadnamed me though. Although for a while after I came out she was mourning me and acting like I had died and it was really weird and creepy to me at least, but about 2 years after that she told me that she finally sees me as her daughter.

When I had asked her if I could get puberty blockers or estrogen she told me no, which I had asked her that many times. So I decided to save up and finally this year at 20 I got HRT, but then she suddenly decided that she wanted to pay for it and that made me a bit upset because if she was going to pay for it then I could have gotten earlier, but I still appreciate that she is paying for it.

I had asked her if I could get voice training lessons a few years ago she was very adamant about me not doing them. Recently I have decided to do voice training on my own and the other night she complemented my voice and then tonight she told me that I actually sound like an alien and that my masc voice is perfect. We were good for a while and I thought she was done with being unsupportive occasionally but I guess not. I don’t really know what I’m feeling rn, I guess disappointment and maybe sadness idk.

This what my voice sounds like rn if you were curious: https://on.soundcloud.com/hsR5W

This link isn’t working in some of my lemmy clients for some reason. If it’s not working for you you might have to paste it into Firefox.

    • Norah - She/They@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
      34·
      1 year ago

      When I first came out to her, she told me she was proud of me, and then minutes later she told me that I would be ugly and never find love.

      As someone with a diagnosis of bipolar, this isn’t how bipolar works. Even with rapid-cycling, which I have, it takes a couple of days for a mood shift to occur, not a couple of minutes. In my opinion, this is more likely to be a personality disorder (eg narcissism, borderline) than a mood disorder.

      • LadyAutumn@lemmy.blahaj.zoneMEnglish
        6·
        1 year ago

        Could possibly be personality disorder, I have one myself and the way its described sounds plausibly similar to borderline. However, these specific instances would probably be far overshadowed by other ones. Personality disorders tend to result in a lot of prolonged emotional extremes, especially borderline. It’s impossible for anyone to tell from a single lemmy post, not unless OP has had other experiences with her that are similar. I think there’s another more likely answer though.

        She could also be a woman with internalized bigotry and trouble reconciling her love for her child with her bigoted views of transgender people. Hatred, internalized or otherwise, tends to make people say very irrational and horrible things. I’d say barring any other evidence of mental illness, this explanation is probably the correct one.

      • Sombyr
        4·
        1 year ago

        As somebody with schizoaffective, which is similar to bipolar, I can definitely get those extremely rapid cycling mood swings over the course of just minutes. According to my psychiatrist, this is, in fact, a very common experience.
        The smaller mood swing’s magnitude is affected by the larger ones though. Like being in a depressive phase, if I snap aggressively, I’m more likely to follow that up by crying and apologizing after, whereas in a manic phase I’m more likely to abruptly completely ignore it minutes later and now act like you’re my best friend.
        I can’t speak for if that’s a normal thing in bipolar, but it’s definitely a thing in schizoaffective, and is dramatically more common when a major life event stresses me out.