They call it “cutting the grass.”

Why?

No wonder the pager bombings happened. I didn’t know Israel had invaded Lebanon already. Did Israel invade them constantly, or is it like I’ve read, which is 4 different times? I haven’t clicked any links on search results yet due to the mental toll, but perhaps I can look later.

Who are Hezbollah?(Is that a grammatically correct sentence?) Are they are a really different group from Hamas? I feel like I hear about them together at times.

I would not go so far as to say shared political beliefs are orthogonal to being a good friend but there are so, so many things that go into the cocktail of making someone pleasant to be around that I do often wonder whether I drastically overrate the importance of politics in friendships.

It’s different when it’s your own etnicity being projected on, and you’te seen as a “neutral/good one” or “a dangerous/evil one” based on if you’re racist towards your own race along with them or not.

I knew a person who seemed okay with the topic of socialism, then they spoke negatively about my people’s country. Later they hurt me in a way I won’t mention.

So I drew a boundary. My people have some socialism in their history, so of course we are demonized. I can’t afford to be close friends with people who demonize the country of my people because that’s evidence they may see me as the “good insert my ethnicity.” Especially because I don’t want to be at a higher level of risk of being around people who are sexually attracted to me simply because they fetishize my people because they, as evidence, don’t fully respect me as a insert my ethnicity person. As someone said about being racistly removed from an event’s cast, they “stripped me of my humanity and agency, reducing me to an object onto which others can project their racist fears and smears.” I cannot sit there forever waiting to be approved by people close to me. They have racist bully shit to say about my people’s country without it being a genuinely open question, I don’t want to be super close to them. Although I will always run into and befriend some people who may be racist to me, it is a still a way I don’t want to try to turn bullies into close friends.

I’m so sick and tired of tiptoeing around the topic of my people. I’m not totally sure what other boundaries I need to set. I worry openly saying positive, nonracist things about my people will get me attacked verbally, emotionally, mentally, amd maybe and in other ways.

I don’t like it, but I know for most of my childhood I felt I could never wear a crop top in my life even though I was already thin. Then, 15 lbs less than now, I did it comfortably when I was a little fat. In retrospect, as a child I was the one projecting my own shame on my stomach, and I know I’m doing it now. Especially when someone obese like comedian Stavros Halkias frequently goes shirtless, has a shirtless statue of himself, and describes how he feels absolutely dashing about his looks. But he’s immensely confident, with great assertive comebacks to any insult I’ve heard people tell him at his shows, and I’m not. Maybe I just need to build an arsenal of simple responses to someone acting disgusted at my stomach.

good for her not being suicidal i guess but “life is worth enduring horrible torture” is not an opinion i am capable of understanding.

I meant to say her words helped me with SI. But I have breaks between my pain so I really can’t speak for having chronic pain at the level where I can never perceive my physical beauty. I’m sorry you deal with that.

Disability that’s reinforced by societal failings suck. I am disabled and I understand my own case of this. And my body is still mine as long as I’m alive. I will do my best to see it in the light of self compassion and see it’s still beautiful after everything. My body endlessly does me noble deeds in that, regardless of all harm I’ve suffered, it lends me life and keeps me alive. When I show myself off, I’m displaying that this is what resilience looks like. And I can be increasingly grateful for my resilience and happier about my image. I’m starting to think, “I suffer so much, who in my position has time for feeling shame about the thing in this universe that’s done me the most favors?”

I remember a woman, who survived being a comfort woman at the hands of Japanese soldiers who’d invaded China, expressed that life is so beautiful that if she could only subsist on wild herbs to see it, she would. This helped me with SI from my trauma and disability, and helped me value my body more.

It’s okay if you don’t feel this is true for you. There are aspects of each emotional moment you can be introspective about, and you’ve clearly been very materialistic about what causes your despair. I just hope you’re proud of your resilience and are not ashamed if you ever want to show it off body-wise. Because the onus of the bodily damage you suffer is on mass societal failure, not you. While not everyone wants to show off their forms of scars, I try to choose visibility.

Maybe for you right now, the point is not to see that your body is a deeply magical thing, but I think its good to return to that understanding when you feel slightly better in little moments.

Oh hell yeah! You can protect yourself and you’re still fit. I wanna practice a mean right hook too.

maybe remind yourself that showing off your body in a very small way impacts societal norms as well.

Right, people think dress codes are an actual thing. You can dress traditionally to your culture, but me going outside of it isn’t actually breaking anything but other’s personal rules for themselves. Oftentimes those rules are ways they shamefully limit themselves.

And institutionally, for example it’s not actually inappropriate to go braless and dress in a miniskirt at the work office, HR just doesn’t want a sexual harassment lawsuit on their hands and that’s why they often try to make workers look sexless as possible. To them lawsuits waste time and money, and capitalizing on a workplace as highly as possible means enforcing a sexless uniform.

And beauty and health institutions capitalize off shame. If I go out with a freely hanging belly I could slow down my path in allowing these industrial standards to run my life. Maybe I should surprise everyone by wearing a crop top eventually.

I love crop tops, but idk how to deal with having a hanging belly for the first time. I think its unflattering. Strange because that girl with a large belly in a crop top was way fatter, and I my first thought was “WOAH She rocks!”

Sounds like youre refusing to absorb other’s self projections and not lashing out. I have no idea if your exact version is completely healthy, but it sure sounds like a safe shell.

I like showing myself off because I want to feel as radiant and beautiful as possible. I think that’s the way more people could feel. And that never feeling and expressing our radiance can be a waste of our life. I wonder how I can do both, what you’re doing and what I’m trying to do at once.

I used to give all people compassion each time I noticed someone acting insecure, but this often hasn’t worked because so many people act and talk in bad faith. It’s their shell, and when you point out their insecurity by saying its okay to look/be insert an okay thing to be, they usually will deflect and won’t allow a crack in their shell for light to be let in. It’s sad, I know what it’s like to be in the dark about my beauty. Since reaching my highest ever weight, I’m recently very in the dark about it again. I feel like if I vulnerably act and dress like I’m proud of my body, people will feel entitled to shaming me. In their head and out loud with me in earshot of them.

Oh cmon, I think even if you asked for workout tips(the only way I can imagine these comments being appropriate) and saying your diet isn’t satisfying, they should express acceptance and encouragement to embrace how you are already, and just try to tell you how to feel better. And that’s if you’re actually preparing to accomplish a physical feat in the future(like hiking or walking/running further with less breaks), already in mid-exercise(by expressing you’re already doing great and to keep it up), among other scenarios that I can’t think of rn.

But on their own, these comments don’t seem okay to be telling most thin people.

they sell a liquid that dissolves plastic

Is the liquid acetone?

When I look up plastic concrete I see people shredding plastic, mixing it with concrete in brick molds, and using them for building.

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I think talking first about the pros of people you want protected, then talking about the actual threat to them and every last one of us, was the right move.

Scarcity minidset has me reeling with panic about shopping. It’s a form of expecting bills. I heard buying from OEMs is a great way to shop, but I have no instructions. Trying to figure it out is mentally and emotionally taxing.

Edit: I have stopped trying to learn. Someone please answer the question about OEMs in my last post before I start crying.(Kidding, but not totally kidding.)

Just saw a video on current trends of Chinese beauty standards where women were asked to rate themselves from 1 to 10. Which is a completely unreal way to say how attractive you are. It only says how confident you are or how confident you’d feel if you looked like someone else. This video is partially slop.

Also, this woman has probably been shamed for having skin that’s tinted at all.

Are there any eras of beauty standards in China where it was considered attractive to have darker skin or be fat? Are there popular Chinese beauty idols showing either of those things?

I don’t quite understand Chinese beauty standards because the pale skin thing doesn’t seem to have a connection to white colonialism. Sure it was a signifier that you weren’t a farmer and could stay inside all day, but people aren’t blind to the fact that dark skin is also attractive.

And at some point in the past, at times of hunger during feudalism that could fall on both poor and rich families, long spans of hunger should’ve made fat women seem more desirable, right? I feel like these trends should change over time, but from what I’ve been learning, thin and pale with slender jawlines has been the mainstream beauty standard in China for a long time.

Haha see? If it is colorblindness i think that’s cute. I think I heard some people see less red tones than others because during evolution we were conditioned with different levels of ability to see redness in fruit. Indicating a sign of a sugary boost and ripeness in things like red berries.

FYI you might already know this, but you can get a colorblindness check if you’re curious enough.

Even though I don’t research it, I have a fascination with ways people are colorblind. It’s less about knowing why they are. It’s more about me finding it endearing that they’d see a multiple colors from a packet of candy differently than me.

Unfortunately a colorblind person once harmed and traumatized me, and they’re the only colorblind person I’ve met. Seeing what colorblind vision looks like online makes me love how interesting colorblindness is… But then I remember the person who harmed me.

I wish I’d just meet a cool new colorblind person because it’d help me reclaim it. How else can I reclaim my fascination and endearment for colorblindness without yet meeting a new colorblind person?