I get a mix of deeply bad and highly good feelings from it.

Another problem is it also makes me manic and want to be a superhero, but I have lower than average normal-person powers without any spoons to spare. I need help understanding that nothing bad is happening to me if I read or watch theory, and that I can indeed respond to what I read by simply sitting in a more educated space of mind without physically doing anything. (Again, no spoons, can’t volunteer or anything it’s frustrating.)

  • Belly_Beanis [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
    13·
    21 days ago

    Try reading/watching a small bit of theory, then taking note of what happens after compared to what you thought would happen. For example, did you expect the CIA to kick in your door after reading a page of the Communist Manifesto? Then after reading one page, did anyone even knock on your door?

    I’m not a therapist/psychiatrist, but it sounds like you are catastrophizing. You’re thinking too far ahead about what could happen without being mindful of what is actually happening. Then this creates a feedback loop that sends you spiraling into a manic state where you want to make up for the past “mistake” of not learning theory, so you start over again where you’re trying to take on more than you should.

    I think if you do just a little bit at a time (maybe one page of a book or a 5 minute video) while analyzing your own thoughts versus what materially happens, you may get rid of some of these problems you’re having. Then you can go on to read two pages, then a chapter, then a whole book. And by understanding your thoughts before and after each milestone, you’ll find nothing bad has happened.

    • HexaSnoot [none/use name]@hexbear.netOPEnglish
      3·
      21 days ago

      I think if you do just a little bit at a time (maybe one page of a book or a 5 minute video) while analyzing your own thoughts versus what materially happens, you may get rid of some of these problems you’re having.

      My reading comprehension is not great so the easiest material is best. I don’t really read but years back I enjoyed some Michael Parenti.

      I’ve been wanting to learn more about the DPRK. Someone put a whole list of videos up but I forgot where to find it. Years ago I saw a lady from southern Korea go and see the reality of those in the north and it was quite a beautiful film. The description said she grew up hearing people in the north have red skin and horns, which sounds like what Christians would say.

      • purpleworm [none/use name]@hexbear.netEnglish
        2·
        20 days ago

        You’re talking about “My Brothers and Sisters in the North”. I haven’t seen that, but I’ve seen “Loyal Citizens of Pyongyang in Seoul,” which has some problems (e.g. the part about cow tails is misunderstanding the mechanism of sabotage, some of the director’s narration is a bit too editorial, etc.) but overall is very informative and interesting.

        I’m contractually obligated to mention the essay that I always mention.

        There’s a ton to read about people lying about the North if that’s something you’re interested in. It is my genuine estimation from reading a fair amount on it that like 80% of the information in western media that rises above the level of consensus reporting like “Kim Jong Un visited the zoo today and gave this remark” is demonstrably a lie (or misinformed, when it comes to some smaller independent media). It can be anything, the “hostage-taking,” the fairy tales about unicorns and the Kims not pooping, the fake executions and the rats eating children, it’s just such an enormity of lies that it’s kind of amazing. It’s like every Cold War myth from every associated country was concentrated and channeled into the DPRK and people just accept it.

        I think this channel also has some interesting videos on the subject, even if the person is a little annoying: https://www.youtube.com/@RadioFreeAmericaYT/videos

        It’s not like I’m not annoying, so I can hardly call it a disqualifying trait.